Seeing my sister post about my mom on facebook makes me feel a little guilty, especially since my facebook status is currently a picture of my dog, Finn, and a quote about dogs that was on my daily dog calendar:
~If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dogs biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them.~
I will say that my mom would have loved that quote and it is a bit of an omen that it is the one for today, just like it was a sign that we learned the song "Nadasousou" on her birthday. Or maybe I am just trying too hard to find meaning.
I must admit that while I did think about the fact that today is the one year anniversary of her death, it hasn't really effected me the way I thought it would. I was much sadder on her birthday. The same thing happened at Christmas- I prepared myself to be stricken with grief and yet I ended up not really feeling much...
Maybe it is due to distance or maybe it is due to time. Maybe it is due to the fact that I have never been one to attatch too much feeling to dates. I don't really celebrate my wedding anniversary (it was in summer and I was on a different continent than my husband) and I only bring up the fact that its my birthday in order to get something (as in, honey it's my birthday so you have to take me to a movie and pay for lunch). On the other hand, my emotions are tied to things like books and songs. I have had random moments over the past year when I have been brought to tears with Skeeter Davis's "End of the World" or by realizing that I can never lend my mother a copy of "The Mitford Sisters."
No offence to my sister, but she has always been the dramatic one. As a child it was easy to get a dollar from her if I found a penny with her birth year on it, and to this day her room is still a pit because she doesn't throw things away. She plays things up and is quite sentimental. Nothing wrong with that, just different (I really mean no offence if you read this, Maggie). So it makes sense that her Facebook is a bit more dramatic today.
My brother on the other hand is an enigma when it comes to feeling. There is nothing on his Facebook page yet, but that could be due to the fact that it is still the "day before" in America. (While my sister is in America now, she was in Korea last year at this time so technically this is the time when she would have been getting the news). It could also turn out that he doesn't write anything because he is not the type.
My father is not on "that Facebook thing" and thus there will be nothing from him. He also isn't the type to email or call. I will call him this weekend but will probably avoid the subject all together and instead focus on his upcoming trip to Japan.
On a random note I have a student whose father died last year on the same day as my mother, and I thought about saying something to him today. But I figured that WOULD make me cry, or I was afraid that it would upset him. He isn't a student I know well- I wasn't his teacher when this all happened- so I felt it was inappropriate and a bit selfish on my part.
But yeah, an odd day but I thought I better comment less anyone thinks I don't care or that I have forgotten. I guess, too, despite my previous post, it seems a bit selfish of me to go on about losing my mother when so much worse things happened in the Tohoku region of Japan last year. I saw on TV about a little boy whose entire elementary school (as in all the students, all the teachers, all the staff) was washed away in the Tsunami. When the wave came, he got pulled in too but his body lodged in a tree, saving his life. But who am I to feel down about losing someone who, though somewhat young, lived a full life when there are parents who lost children?
I will close with this song. It is a song about love so its a bit weird to leave it in rememberence of my mom. But she used to sing it all the time, and while I was waiting to hear about the outcome of her surgery last year, it came on during an episode of Mad Men.
Now I'm the one being dramatic. Back to pictures of puppies...
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