Christmas Movies

So to further comment on my last post, I'm going to talk about some of my favorite holiday films.  My list is probably the same as everyone else's, but I thought I would share it just in case you are missing out on some great films.  Maybe it's sad that I associate the holiday so much with these films, but they are just as much of the holidays to me as anything else.  Especially now that I am in Japan and I can't participate in things like caroling and decorating our house in Stuart.  So in no particular order, here are my favorite Christmas Films...


1. Christmas Vacation
Plot: "It's Christmas time and the Griswolds are preparing for a family seasonal celebration, but things never run smoothly for Clark, his wife Ellen and their two kids. Clark's continual bad luck is worsened by his obnoxious family guests, but he manages to keep going knowing that his Christmas bonus is due soon." 


This movie is part of the National Lampoons Vacation series and to some it might be quite cheesy and overly slapstick, but for me it is the closest I have seen to what a real Christmas is caught on film.  Not that we've ever had a squirrel running through the house or had a crazy uncle kidnap my dad's boss, but we have had a lot of crazy mishaps.  Like the time we came home from midnight mass to find the fully decorated tree on the floor, half of our ornaments smashed.


I love this movie because it is purely about family and about accepting family no matter what.  So what if the crazy aunt brings you her cat wrapped in a box or if your cousin's wife ruins the turkey.  You carry on.  Despite the film's name and despite some drama about a Christmas bonus, we don't see any gifts open and the film ends not with everyone getting what they want, but with everyone dancing and singing together, generally enjoying each others company.  I feel this film truly captures the spirit of Christmas in that sense- the spirit that it's not getting what you ask for, but being thankful for what you get.


And despite all of that, there are some seriously funny lines.  Too many to name here, but I will say that my favorite is when Clark tells the children that he "heard" some people at the airport spotted Santa, and a bewildered Cousin Eddie asks, "Are you serious about that Clark?"  Seriously, if you haven't seen this movie, watch it.  And seriously, don't take it seriously- just enjoy.


2. A Christmas Story
Plot: "Ralphie has to convince his parents, teachers, and Santa that a Red Ryder BB gun really is the perfect gift for the 1940's."


Now I know that this move gets overplayed in the states and that most people are probably sick at the very mention of it, but I can't help but love it and watch it whenever I come across it on TV.  Like Christmas Vacation, I find this movie to be very relatable.  Not that I was ever a young boy in the 40s wanting a BBgun, but I was a young girl growing up in middle America, dreaming about the perfect gift and fretting over whether or not I would get it.  I also had a younger sister that trailed me around much likes Ralphie gets trailed by Randy.  And I also got weird gifts from relatives that would rival the bunny suit he gets.  Though this movie does eventually pay off with scenes of presents, the heart of it lies with the family.


Another movie with too many good lines to count, it is tough to pick one but I would have to say that I love the whole bit about putting on a snowsuit.  The mom wraps and wraps her younger son, Randy, up in all sorts of warm weather gear and he starts whimpering.  She "unwraps" him by taking off the scarf he has around his face and asks what's wrong.  He says, "I can't put my arms down."  This is because his snow suit is too packed.  His mother tries to force his arms down but they keep popping back up so that they are straight out.  She finally says, "You can put them down when you get to school," and re wraps him as he cries out.  Later on he falls in the snow and quickly realizes, "I can't get up!" without the use of his arms.  I love this because a) that's exactly how my mother would have treated the situation, b) that's exactly the type of thing that would have happened to my little sister.


3. Home Alone
Plot: "An eight year-old, who is accidentally left behind while his family flies to France for Christmas, has to defend his home against idiotic burglars."


I was the perfect age when this movie came out.  Similar to Kevin, I was 7 years old and often felt like everyone picked on me.  I wasn't the youngest of my siblings and my cousins, though, but instead was stuck right dab in the middle which, to my 7 year old mind, was just as bad or worse.  I was too little to get to do anything great and yet I was older than the babies so I was expected to mind my manners and be responsible.  I always had grand dreams of running away and living alone, and would have been in heaven if my family had "disappeared," leaving me to have run of the house.


I don't think I need to go into too much detail about why this film is a classic.  I will say that as I have gotten older and become more mature about "the spirit of Christmas," I really like how again, this film isn't about presents but rather about family.  The pay off at the end isn't about Kevin getting everything he dreamed of, but rather just his family being home with him.  


Of course, as I have gotten older I have become a little annoyed at how slapstick the whole booby-trapping of the house is, but all in all its a film I can watch over in over.  Highlights for me are definitely the whole "Rocking Around the Christmas Tree" scene where Kevin manages to have a party with some mannequins, some cut-outs, and a train set as well as any scene with the crazy neighbor, Old Man Marley.  Like 
Kevin: I wish my grandparents did that. They always send me clothes. Last year I got a sweater with a big bird knitted on it. 
Old Man: That's nice. 
Kevin: Not for a guy in the second grade. You can get beat up for wearing something like that. Yeah, I had a friend who got nailed because there was a rumor he wore dinosaur pajamas  


Other favorite lines are, "Buzz, your girlfriend- Woof!" and "Look what you did you little jerk!"


4. The Ref
Plot: Denis Leary plays an unfortunate cat burglar, who is abandoned by his partner in the middle of a heist, and is forced to take an irritating Connecticut couple (Kevin Spacey, Judy Davis) hostage. He soon finds that he took more than he bargained for when the couple's blackmailing son and despicable in-laws step into the picture. Before long they're driving him nuts with their petty bickering and family problems. The only way for him to survive is to be their referee and resolve their differences, before he can be nabbed by the police.


Now this might be a movie that you haven't seen.  It was recommended to me by my Auntie Anne in Texas who has a wonderful eye for movies.  It stars Dennis Leary and Kevin Spacey and is similar to "Life is Beautiful," only happier and at Christmas.  As the plot summary says, Dennis Leary is a cat burglar fleeing the scene of a botched job.  He hijacks a couple on their way home from couples counseling and while at first they are put off guard by him, they soon put fear aside for the sake of their own arguing.  Add to this a bunch of crazy relatives and a lot of lovable but stupid town folk and you get a great comedy.  After awhile you get so caught up in the dialogue that you kind of forget what is going on in the first place.  And, to stick with my theme, the movie ends with everyone learning that family is what matters.  Although, in this movie, that doesn't include everyone in your family.  I think I relate to this movie in that since, in the past, some of my relatives have had some HUGE fights right in the middle of our holiday cheer.


Favorite scenes are 
*when a teenage girl, in talking about the then-unknown-to-her burglar says, "Maybe the police will catch him and then let him go in the spirit of Christmas."  To which her mother replies, "That's not the spirit of Christmas- either you are good and get rewarded or else you are punished and go to hell."
*Dennis Leary's character confronts the Grandma and says, "What is the matter with you? I thought Mothers were sweet and nice a-a-and Patient. I know loan sharks who are more forgiving than you. Your husband ain't dead, lady. He's hiding."


5. Love Actually
Plot: Follows the lives of eight very different couples in dealing with their love lives in various loosely and interrelated tales all set during a frantic month before Christmas in London, England.


I was the right age when this movie came out, too.  I think if I had seen it when I was in elementary or high school it would have been ok, and if I were to see it for the first time today I would have found it good but not memorable.  But I saw this movie when I was in my second year of college (Uni) and when I was really trying to decide whether or not to date one of my first real boyfriends.  Though there isn't a particular character I especially related to, I thought all of the stories were very real and original.  I especially liked the whole bit about the Brit in Wisconsin.  Being from the midwest, I know what would happen if someone showed up with a British accent.  Girls would soon and an average guy would find himself an above average girl.


I also loved the us of music in this movie.  Its mixture of Christmas and love songs was well done.  And all of the colors, costumes, locations were beautifully put together.  I'm not really sure if I like the ending with everyone just happening to be at the airport at the same time, but I will forgive it that.


Again every character has a favorite moment for me, but at the top of the list has to be the interaction between Colin Firth's character and his love interest's family.


CF I am here to ask your daughter for her hands in marriage. 
Father You want to marry my daughter? 
CF Yes. 
Father [yelling toward the back of the house] Come here, there is a man at the door. He wants to marry you. 
[a large and confused woman emerges] 
Sister But I've never seen him before. 
Father Who cares? 
Sister You're going to sell me to a complete stranger? 
Father Sell? Who said 'sell?' I'll pay him. 
CF Pardon me. I'm meaning your other daughter - Aurelia. 


6. Elf
Plot: After inadvertently wreaking havoc on the elf community due to his ungainly size, a man raised as an elf at the North Pole is sent to the U.S. in search of his true identity.


So this movie probably has the weakest plot of all of the films on my list.  I don't really pull much of a message from it and I don't really relate to it.  But good lord is it funny.  I can't imagine anyone else being able to do what Will Ferrell does in this film by being so ridiculous without being annoying or obnoxious.  And I love Zoey Deschanel and thank this movie for getting me into her singing.  Her voice on "Baby It's Cold Outside" is one of my favorite holiday songs.


Favorite lines/scenes include how much Will Ferrell freaks when he hears Santa is coming, "Santa?  I know him!" and the whole confrontation with the fake santa, "You smell like beef and cheese.  You sit on a throne of lies."


Films that aren't Christmas movies but that I associate with Christmas...
Little Women (Winona Ryder version) You've Got Mail
So this post is too long as it is but I love these two movies and always watch them at Christmas despite them not being Christmas movies.  They both include great scenes and music that center around the holidays.  I will always be singing, "For the Beauty of the Earth," despite it not being a Christmas song thanks to Little Women and will always dream of Christmas in New York thanks to You've Got Mail.




SO THAT'S MY LIST!  If you read all that, you must have a lot of time on your hands!  If you really do have time, please comment below with your favorite Christmas films or your favorite line from one of the films I wrote about above.


And though I've already put it on Facebook, here is a shot of my little baby watching his favorite Christmas film.  Don't know why, but Finn totally stopped in his puppy tracks to watch Elf.  I think it is because Will Ferrell screams so much in it.

Good-bye Thanksgiving, Bring on Christmas

So now that thanksgiving has officially passed (without any celebration over on my side of the world- I actually had leftovers Thanksgiving night because Motoaki refused to eat his half of the pineapple/bell pepper/soy/lemon/chicken I made the night before- he took one look at pineapple in the crock pot and promptly started cooking his own dinner- silly Japanese...) we can now officially kick off the Christmas season, and I couldn't be happier.  Though we don't have snow and you don't really see too many lights up, there are decorations in the stores and Christmas music on some of the commercials.  I know a lot of people think that Christmas these days is over commercialized but I sure miss it being here in Japan.  I miss having the long Thanksgiving weekend to start shopping and to pick out a tree.  I miss having Christmas concerts to look forward and TBS playing holiday movie after holiday movie.

Luckily for me, my December calender is already booked right up to the point I fly home.  This first weekend we have a young teachers party where we will be cooking traditional Christmas dishes like fondue and apple pie (at least its not fish...) and then playing volleyball.  After that we have our monthly BBQ with all of the foreigners in the area.

Then the next weekend I have a birthday party for a friend on Friday and then a weekend of shopping with Motoaki.  The nearby mall (Kurashiki) recently underwent a huge makeover as well as opened a nearby outlet mall.  Yes, yes Christmas is about Jesus but it is also about seeing an over the top glitzy Christmas tree, a Japanese man dressed as Santa (or if we are lucky, some English teacher dressed as Santa), Starbucks Christmas drinks, and fighting crowds to find the best gift for people back at home.

The following weekend I will be in Osaka for yet another birthday and more shopping, and then I have a choir concert on my last weekend before going home.  We are singing Beethoven's 9th which isn't very Christmasy but we will encore with some Italian song and Silent Night- in Japanese!  I'll take it.  And it will be fun to sing with a big group, not to mention a group with some amazing talent.  It's a community choir that anyone can join but last week when they announced who would do the solos (I have been too busy with guests to have even been around for tryouts), I found out that one of my favorite oji-chans (little old Japanese man) has some serious power.  Seriously was straining my neck to see who was singing so beautifully and was shocked to see it was him.

Of course there is a lot of work involved in all of this play.  I still have lessons and since they are Christmas lessons I have more prep than usual (cutting out ornament shapes for the little kids to color, making a tree out of paper, etc).  I also need to write my Christmas cards as well as help Motoaki  design a New Year's card.  Even so, it never feels like real work.

Anyway, let the season begin and good luck to you in your own countdown to Christmas.

Words for Wednesday: A Happy Marriage

The title of this book will probably fool a lot of readers.  Though the title fits in a way, it isn't exactly a cheerful romance.  This is another book that I picked up without really knowing what it was (dang you Barnes & Noble and your $4 books- although, thank you for getting me to buy and read great stuff that I normally would have passed over).  So I was a little surprised to actually start it and realize that this is the story of a marriage ending.  Not in divorce but in death.  The book jumps from the present to the past by having every other chapter tell about how the New York city couple met, and by having the other chapters tell how they say their good-byes as the wife dies of bladder/urinary tract cancer.  

I know, I know- you are all dying to read it now.  But really, the book has a charm despite its heavy material and I have yet to tear up.  Although I imagine tears will come.  Both the wife and the husband are rich characters and one can't help admire the realness of their love.  The story isn't the type of romance you dream about but rather the type of romance you live or that marriages you respect are made of.  They don't have all the answers and things aren't always pretty, but they do have love.

It does help that the chapters jump back and forth.  You know its a good read when, despite knowing that they end up together, I find myself fretting over whether or not they will ever get together in the chapters describing their first encounters.  He is such a nerd as a young man and she is so sophisticated that you can't help but think he is out of his league.  And the same goes for her struggle with cancer.  Though the hospice has been arranged and the funeral is being planned, there is a small part of me that thinks it isn't over yet.  I guess I'm trying to say that I am surprised to find so much hope in such a cut and dry case of a novel.

On a side, morbid note, this book definitely also plays out like a manual for how to deal with a loved one dying.  I guess it is loosely based on the author loosing his own wife, and I hope he was able to do for her in real life what he does for the characters here.  I hope I will remember this book when it comes time for me to deal with a loved one passing.

Opinions of a Japanese Jr High Student

This past week or so in the 3rd grade at Jr High (14-15 year olds) we have been practicing debate.  The kids read the example in the text and were then asked to write their own composition about a topic.  The book's example was...


I think beds are more convenient than futon.

I agree because it is easier to make a bed.
I disagree futon don't need so much space.
There were example topics for them to choose from, but they were also allowed to pick something different.  We mostly got summer vs. winter (mostly dealing with cold vs hot, winter sports vs summer sports, winter food vs summer food) and school lunch vs sack lunch (mostly dealing with the difficulty if making your own lunch or having to eat foods you don't like in school lunch- this was a little interesting as kids are not allowed to bring their own lunch).

But some of the kids really surprised me with their opinions.  This is because usually, as with most homework assignments, the children tend to write what they think you want to hear (aka I love school lunch!  I love English class!  Doing homework is important! Uniforms are comfortable and fashionable! Drugs are bad!) or they just copy from a book.  But in this assignment we got some great original thoughts and answers.  So I thought I would share some of the highlights.

First off in reference to school uniforms, one girl wrote,

I think pants are better than skirts.  Pants are warmer and are more comfortable.

That seems pretty reasonable to the average American, but in Japan where girl student uniforms are considered "cute and sexy," I was impressed.  For those that say that the Japanese don't see the uniforms as sexy, go to a costume shop or watch an AKB48 video.

Another girl wrote,

I think plain clothes are better than school uniforms.  With a uniform we can't express our own personality.

Again, might seem obvious to those who grew up wearing what they want to school, but in Japan where "the nail that sticks out will get hammered down," this is an original thought.  For those that say, "It's not what you wear, but what's on the inside that counts," I agree to the point.  But why should girls have to wear skirts and boys wear pants?

In reference to city life vs country life, one boy wrote,

I think living in the country is better than living in the city.  The country has clean air and better fishing.Being from Iowa, I know that all too well.  What was surprising was that a) the 15 year old doesn't have big city dreams and b) he will take fishing over the pro sports, arcades and game stores that the city offers.

One boy wrote that,

I think a PC is better than a cell phone.  You can carry a mini-PC.  A PC has more data.I was surprised as most people in Japan use their cell phone for everything.  When I came to Japan in 2005 my phone could already access gmail, Facebook, etc Things my US cell dreamed of doing.  If you ask someone for their email, they will give you their phone email, not a PC one.  I had to ask, on the kid's paper, "What do you think of smart phones?"

One boy who is a bit of a suck-up (sorry to say...) wrote an original topic by saying,

Some people think now is better than the past.  In that case, we now have TV, cell phones, refrigerators, and so on.  But there are bad things now.  To watch TV is fun.  But we watch TV for a long time.  This is sight fail.  To play video games is fun, but this must take a long time.  Your mother must be angry.  And there is a bad thing.  This is "phone fraud."  So to be frank, the past is better than now.

He makes mistakes but he has some good points.  It was actually a bit longer with a lot more phrases he picked up from the dictionary, but overall he put a lot of thought into it.  I rewarded his work by two paragraphs of counter arguing by saying that cell phones save lives in emergencies and that in the present we have better medicine and communication.  I used big words that are in reality too challenging, but that will give him something to do.

But the winner had to be two boys in 3-D (3rd year D home room) who had this to say about their friend Morishita (his last name)...

I think a kangaroo is better than Morishita.  Because a kangaroo is stronger.

I think a cockroach is better than Morishita.  Because a cockroach is more convenient than Morishita.Yes, yes, fine arguments both of them.

Gemma!

I spent the past two weeks or so with my friend Gemma who was visiting from Scotland/England (she lives part time in both places so not really sure what to put....).  She had lived in Tsuyama at the same time I was living there and is one of the people I have managed to stay in touch with.  So much so that she came to my wedding in Iowa and I went to her house last Christmas.  She is a good friend but not someone I normally would have thought I would get along with.  For starters, she is really sporty and is extremely knowledgeable about the outdoors.  Also, we are both nerds who like to read, but she is really into fantasy, sci-fi, and mystery while I stick to anything but.  She also listens to heavy metal and rock while I prefer pop and folk.  In other words, if we had met in high school or uni we wouldn't have hung out.  But because we were stuck in the middle of nowhere and were two out of about 4 foreign women, we became friends and have stayed in touch.

So back to now.  Gemma came over and though I had work I managed to spend a lot of quality time with her. I took her to Nagoya where she had never been and showed her Meji-Mura ( an outdoor museum that features reconstructed building from the Japanese Meji period) as well as the night- life there.  We were able to meet up with our friend Justin (who also used to live in Tsuyama but not at exactly the same time) and had a night out at Outback Steakhouse (poor Gemma, travels to Japan only to eat hamburgers but I couldn't resist the temptation of real western food) and karaoke.  Actually, that was the thing that Gemma and I probably bonded over most despite our lack of mutual interest in artists.  We discovered that we both love Mumford and Sons and Everything by Pitbull (ok,so maybe she doesn't love that song but she did join me).

We also had a night out with former Tsuyama residents Adam and Vany plus Adam's girlfriend Wakako.  I especially enjoyed this night as we went to a Brazillian bar which I hadn't done before.  It is actually a little known fact outside of Japan that there are a ton of Brazillians living in Japan.  It isn't until you get here that you can see what a big presence they have, especially in cities like Nagoya.  Anyway, the Brazillian bar turned out to be more like a small family restaurant with a man playing live tunes on his guitar and people practicing the samba.  Though it may have been because we were with Wakako who is a regular at the bar, we were welcomed into the fold as soon as we entered and even danced with the owner.

Besides going to Nagoya we also made a small day trip to Yamauchi prefecture with Motoaki and our other friend, Crystal.  Gemma had asked to "see nature," so we went to the biggest cave in Japan.  I had been there before on one of my first dates with Motoaki, but it has been awhile and was a nice way to excersize while being indoors.  We also went to some hills that looked a lot like Ireland or Scotland (again, sorry Gemma) and some rocks that were split as the result of an Earthquake.  I should have taken pictures but have gotten out of practice due to everyone always taking pictures and putting them on Facebook.

And of course most importantly was the time Gemma got to spend with Finn.  Gemma can be very strict with dogs and can be a harsh critic of their training.  I was worried she wold find him spoiled and naughty, but she said that for a puppy he was "fair."  We'll take it.

In all honestly it was good to see an old friend and to know that just because people move away it doesn't mean that they are lost forever.  I have met some of the most amazing people in Japan due to the fact that they are from all over and that we are forced to interact and become family.  A lot of people only stay a year, though, and it can be hard to constantly say good-bye.  It's nice when they sometimes come back.

Words for Wednesday: Cold Sassy Tree

So this is a book I picked up on super sale in Washington DC last summer.  It is actually a pretty smooth read and offers interesting insights into southern small town living in the early 1900's.  The story focuses on a boy whose world is changed when his grandmother passes away and his grandfather remarries about two weeks after the funeral.  What is great about this book is that the story doesn't just stop there.  It also features numerous incidents such as a train accident and the first car that comes to town.  I am a big fan of historical fiction and this book might become a favorite.  I extremely like how it shows without telling what everyday life was like in those days.  It makes me wish that I had talked to my great grandparents more and also makes me want to speak to my Grandmother and great aunts and uncles about how their lives have changed over the decades.  I also find it interesting that the main drama in the book (the grandpa marrying so soon after the grandma's death) is one that we could find still today while other dramas (like the aunt wanting to become an actress) aren't a big deal anymore.  I wonder why our views have changed on some things and haven't on others.

My First Funeral in Japan: Part Two

So the day of the funeral I was actually too busy to be really upset in the morning.  This was because it was Halloween weekend and my friend was coming to visit from up north.  She had taken a night bus down and I had to pick her up at 6am in a town about 40 minutes from me.  Then, after getting back to my house and showing her the spare room, the bathroom, etc I was too awake to go back to sleep.  So I watched TV (WE GOT CABLE!!!) with Finn and just let my mind wander while she napped.  I then got ready to go and left her to the computer and the dog.

The funeral was in a town about 30 minutes from mine and the other teacher had told me that it was at a place called Cosmos Hall.  Because Cosmos is one of the words put in simple Japanese and also because it is a small town that I have been to countless times, I didn't look it up on the map and just asked the girl at the super market counter (I had to run in and buy black hose as all of mine are nude- the Japanese tend to be over dressed so thought I better not risk it) where it was.  It turned out to be in the opposite direction as to where I thought so I thanked her and left.

My Japanese is ok but since directions are hard in any language, I pulled off again and asked a guy directing parking at a farmers market where I needed to be.  He told me it was just up the hill so I thanked him and headed off.  I arrived at what turned out to be Cosmos Hill, aka a field full of flowers, and realized that this was where the supermarket girl had been thinking I was going to.  This amused me as I was in all black, it was raining, it was like 9am, and I was all alone.  I went back down the hill and showed the parking guy my money envelope.  He realized right away the mistake and began apologizing before getting me turned around.  By this time i was running on time as opposed to the early that I had wanted to be.  To add to this was the fact that every other block there was a sign for Cosmos something or other (I had forgotten that this town is famous for these flowers and that practically everything was named for them) and i kept getting off the main road only to find more flowers.  Finally I spotted a taxi carrying some students from my school (side note- what parent would send a student by themselves in a taxi to a funeral?!?) and followed that to the Cosmos Hall.  I had worried that I would be the last one there, but there were more cars in front of the taxi and more behind me all going to the same place.  There were too many people to find the teacher I had seen at the speech contest the day before but it was easy to spot my staff so I headed towards them.

The actual building was quite confusing.  It was actually two buildings connected by an overhead roof that you see at banks, drive throughs, etc.  In front of the first building was a table where people were signing and giving their money.  This was being run thankfully by more of my coworkers so they were able to tell me what to put where.  Still, I made a fool of myself by not knowing my address (I know the gist of it but couldn't remember what was what for the house number and the zip-code).  I had written it on a card in my purse but had not brought my purse as I didn't think I would need it.  Oh well, I guessed and I don't think it will matter.  Even if I am entitled to a thank you note/gift, it is unnecessary.  

After doing this I went opposite of the first building to stand with my staff under the overhead.  From where I stood I could see into the doors of both buildings and could make out that one seemed to be filled with people and flowers for the actual ceremony and that the other was more of a lounge for what I assume was used for family.  More and more people kept coming and, after giving their money, lining up outside the two buildings.  I saw a ton of former coworkers (in Japan teachers are transferred around so every year we lose about five teachers) but couldn't talk to them because of the somberness of the event.

After about an hour of this some chanting came on over a loud speaker but people still kept arriving and talking.  There didn't seem to be a start time.  I kept waiting to be told, "oh now we will go and sit," or, "the ceremony has begun" but honestly nothing changed. I seriously had no clue what was going on.  I thought that maybe the chanting was a prelude like music at church, but it was seriously going on for an hour.  Then all of the people outside (about 100 or so) made a long line to go into the building that had all of the flowers and what not.  I made out that we were going to be proceeding in to see the casket, and I got nervous because I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do once I got in there.  Luckily I was behind a younger English teacher so I knew I could ask her if faced with something really confusing.

Inside the room it was very dark and very smoky.  The actual room was set up like a western service with people on chairs, and I realized that we had been outside because the space wasn't big enough.  I was wandering why we didn't have it at the school, but maybe his family didn't expect so many students/staff.  We walked slowly down the aisle as each person took a moment in front of the casket before moving on to one of two small altars that had bits of incense burning in them.  I had read a story in my Japanese text book about an American who ate some sand stuff at a funeral because he thought other people were eating it when in fact they were just touching it  to their lips and eyes.  When it came my turn to stand in front of the incense I did nothing as I didn't want to do it wrong and offend anyone.  Also, I am of the belief that just like non-Catholics don't take communion at a Catholic service, as a non-Buddhist I shouldn't really take full part in things like this out of respect. 

The hardest part was that, after going up to the casket and standing by the incense, I had to go over to the immediate family and bow.  Of course they were pretty upset and I felt bad that they had to receive anyone at that time. I am thankful that in a western funeral we just put the family to the front and let them be.

After I went back outside everyone again lined up in front of the buildings as we listened to more chanting.  At one point the daughter spoke and then at another some uncle or other.  It was hard to hear and I couldn't understand most of it.  Then the casket was brought out and put in a hearse.  I am not sure, but i think that since people are cremated in Japan the family goes on to the place where that is performed similar to the family going to the cemetery in the west.  Then people just started to walk back to their cars and head home.

It was soooooo strange to not have any music or a speech by a priest/minister.  With cultural differences at other ceremonies (weddings, graduations,etc) I have often thought, 'Oh, that's weird/different,' but never before have I ever thought "I'm so glad I was raised in the west."  After that funeral, I was definitely thankful to the fact that, though my mother's service was pretty hard to get through, that there had been music, comforting words from a spiritual leader, and even some laughter.  I remember Motoaki saying that her funeral had felt bright to him and that he was surprised by how, when we were at the wake, people were a mixture of crying and chatting.  I think part of it is that in the west we have a bit more time before the funeral.  This man passed on Friday and was put to rest on Sunday, but my mom passed on Monday morning and was put to rest on Friday.

I know it is a cultural difference, and I respect that, but dear Lord if I die in Japan give me a western service.  With Motoaki I might just have to have two...

Sorry if this was a heavy post, but just really wanted to write about it.  I also rambled a bit.

My First Funeral in Japan: Part One

So over the past five years I have had a lot of firsts in Japan, some good, some bad, most of them confusing, a lot of them awkward.

Two weeks ago I had my first funeral in Japan and it was not good.  I mean, the service was probably adequate, but the whole experience left me a little cold.  However, as bad as this sounds, I was glad to go through it first for someone whom I only knew a little rather than for someone whom I am close to.  I now have a much deeper understanding of what Motoaki must have been feeling last March in Iowa. 

To back up a bit, on Friday October 28 it was announced that our coworker, Oshime-san, had passed away from heart complications.  He had been the special needs teacher and overall, from what I knew, a great guy.  I didn't work with him on a day to day basis but last year our desks were together in the teachers room.  Due his adequate English ability, I often asked him about simple things like where we were going to park for sports day or what time the kids would be leaving for their early dismissal.  I think to a lot of busy teachers it would have been annoying, but he was always very kind and patient.  I think it must go without saying then that he was great with the special needs kids.  They were always joking together in the hallways and you could tell that they adored him.  It was really hard to face any of those students that Friday.

I had known him enough to be somewhat upset, but I think others were surprised to see me get actually really upset.  This was selfishly due to the fact that he passed away in a similar way to my mother.  If he had been in a car accident or if he had suffered a stroke, I would have been upset but not so shaken.  But having to hear from the Principal words like, "heart surgery," "life flight," "great shock to family," hit me pretty hard and I was a wreck in front of the whole school body.  a lot of students probably wondered if I had been sweet on him or something.  The staff had been assembled and told in the teachers room, and of course many of them were upset, but for me it didn't hit until we were in the gym with all of the students.  It then became that awkward situation of the intern (a girl from England) and me not sure of what was going on and not wanting to ask people who were crying or comforting students.  So I went home on Friday thinking that we would be given instructions on Monday as to what was going to take place as far as a memorial.

Then on Saturday I went to speech contest and ran into the English teacher who had sat with Mr Oshime Sensei and me last year.  She is now teaching at a different school but had heard the news.  She asked me if I was going to the wake that night or if I would be at the funeral the next day.  I of course hadn't known about any of this and wasn't sure what the custom was (ie if just family were expected, etc).   She assured me that she could meet me the next day if I wanted to go.

So that night I talked to Motoaki and he advised me to go to the funeral.  He helped me pick out a dress (or rather told me the black one I wore to my mom's funeral was fine) and helped me prepare the money envelope.  In Japan it seems that money is needed for all occasions and that there are different rules for the money.  For example, for weddings the money goes in an envelope with a red ribbon and the money should be "new," as in you will stop at the bank and ask for crisp notes.  For funerals the money goes in he same envelope but with a black ribbon and the money should be old.  I had gone to the bank to get the money but it was new so Motoaki and I sat and folded it, crinkled it, etc  Seriously felt silly to me.  I mean, what grieving family is going to be like, "That foreign girl gave us new money- what an insult!"

Anyway, I didn't ask Motoaki too much about what I was going to be doing because I was a bit upset and didn't want to think about it.  As I said before, a lot of this was due to the fact that my mom passed last March.  I still cry over little things like putting a picture of her in a frame or hearing certain songs on a radio.  Having to actually talk about death was too much.  I just went to bed and figured I would just face the next day with a fresh start.