No, I don't mean the kind of Saturday school that you see on The Breakfast Club (though they could use that here). I have been hearing from random people on Facebook and the Internet that the current prime minister wants to add a 6th day (Saturday) to the school week in Japan to increase teaching hours. You can read more about that here. Especially read the comments.
Anyway, I am pretty mellow when it comes to "cultural differences" in Japan. Sure I may vent about certain things on Facebook/my blog/around the dinner table but for the most part I respect that this is not America and I have to play by the rules. For example- the whole Robin can't have a middle name on her Japanese birth certificate. STUPID- but I respect that and just put it on her American forms/IDs. But when it comes to the education system I really do think that other countries have some "better" ideas. Not the best ideas, but better.
I don't think going to school an extra day a week is going to make a difference. A) the kids go to school seven days a week as it is for club and B) when they are in the classroom they aren't learning as much as they could be learning due to several factors. After working in the school system for four years and working with K-9th grades, here is what I would suggest. (And I know that I have mentioned this probably 100 times already, but it is current again).
1 Minimize break time for the days that they are in school.
Right now the students get 10 minutes between every class as well as a 20/30 minute break after lunch. And this is for JHS kids, too. They say it is to give the students a chance to relax so that they will better be able to focus in class, but really it is a time for teachers to take a break and for the students to run around screaming and wrestling. I do think there needs to be some sort of break, but 10 minutes is too long. If you cut down the break time you could add one more class a day, increasing the school day from 6 classes to 7.
In elementary I think they could cut down the break time (or allow no break time) and extend the morning recess. Rather than give them twenty minutes, give them thirty minutes with only five minute breaks elsewhere. The problem with the ten minute break between classes in ES is that the students just get into a game when it is time to pack it up and go back to class. This usually results in them taking a longer time to become focused because they are still thinking about the game they didn't finish over the break.
2 Introduce/increase discipline in the classroom to better maximize learning time.
One of the biggest culture shocks for every foreigner coming to Japan is how there is a lack of discipline in the classrooms. So many of us come to Japan expecting this rigid school system and yet it is in many ways much more relaxed than what we are used to in our own countries. There are some teachers who are able to "lay down the law" when it comes to keeping students on task, but so many are unable to due to a system that doesn't support them. Students are free to make rude comments, walk out of the classroom, sleep, "forget" their learning materials, etc Because it is impossible to fail or be held behind, and because most of them come to school/stay after school for club seven days a week anyway, there isn't really away to punish the students who are out of line other than to scream at them.
And because the students are to be treated fairly, their isn't a way to reward them either. Since they have this freedom it is really hard to keep them on task or to motivate them. You either get students who won't shut up so we learn nothing or you get students who refuse to speak up so we learn nothing. For example, when I was in school your grade was comprised of class participation, homework, and tests. So you could earn or lose points by how you acted in the classroom. I think that Japanese teachers keep track of this, but because they can't hold a student back there is really nothing they can do to the students who are disruptive or put forth no effort. Even
if they go an extra day they won't learn if students continue talking
over the teacher, walking around the classroom, coloring, coming to
class without books, etc
3 Split students into ability, not age.
OK, so I know that there are some bad things that come with dividing students up by ability, but there can be a lot of good. ESPECIALLY for students who have a higher ability than the others. For example, the first year of JHS all English students spend the first month or so learning the alphabet without exception. Never mind if the student can write/read paragraphs. This year we had a student in the 1st year of JHS that I taught privately in Tsuyama. I started teaching her in 2005 and every week we read and wrote the ABCs. As she moved up we went from the ABCs to words and later to books. This year she was put with every other student and made to repeat, "A,A,A B,B,B C,C,C" for a full class period. Talk about a waste of her time. I could understand leaving her be if she was the only kid in the class who had been taking private English lessons. But there were a dozen in each class who could do this (and more).
On the flip side you get the kid who has never seen the alphabet before forced to catch up with the rest of his class despite needing help. They do split the classes up sometimes by level, but the rule is that they all have to take the same test. So even if you wanted to go slower with the lower level group, you can't go at an actual pace that they need because they have to keep up with the regular test. Never mind if they have learning disabilities, were absent for an extended period of time, etc
Now Japanese people aren't stupid. They realize that there is a lot of gaps in what the students learn at school. So they send their kids to cram schools to be privately tutored so that they can either advance at a higher level or catch up to the level they are supposed to be at. This means that so many kids are already going to school on Saturday. Surely that should show Abe that introducing another day to the school week isn't the answer.
4 Cut down on the Mickey Mouse time spent "in school" but "out of the classroom."
OK- so Japanese kids go to school year round, but they aren't actually in the classroom year round. For example, the week before the sports festival Mon-Wed are half days (half in the classroom and half out on the sports field) and Thurs-Sat are full days (fully on the sports field). Though I agree that their needs to be some practice for the sports day, I don't understand why it can't be done in PE or kept to one day. Especially when the kids have been doing these sports days since nursery school. But oh no, we need a full day to practice lining up for races, marching around a track, etc
They also "get out early" or have shortened class periods an awful lot for unexplained reasons. I actually asked a teacher once, just because I was curious, why the classes were shortened that day and why they were missing sixth period, and she literally said,"I don't know."
Another thing is that, in the name of equality, the teachers will not let a class move forward if a small amount of students are missing. For example, one weekend there was a baseball tournament that didn't finish so on Monday all of the baseball students were missing from class (about 40 boys in a school of about 400 hundred students). So the teacher gave the class free time to catch up on homework, work ahead, etc because heaven forbid we move along without the 3 baseball boys. When I went to State Drill Team with the other girls on my team, our classes moved ahead without us and we were expected to make up the work on our own time. Which is only fair to all of the kids not on the drill team.
I hate to be so preachy, but there are so many things that could be fixed with the school system without adding another day to the school week. Teachers and students live busy enough lives as it is! I know America isn't perfect, but I do think the Japanese could learn some things from us. JUST as we could learn some things from Japan. Such as having students clean the schools, having strong classroom bonding, etc I know I am a hypocrite because I am sending my daughter to Japanese schools, but it is mostly so that she will have a strong base in Japanese culture and life. We fully intend to send her to the states for high school and possibly university (although that will be up to her). I think so many students are just getting an "average" education at school and getting everything else in private lessons when they could be getting a great education at school and getting life experience on their freetime.
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Baby's First Surgery
So on January 7th we went for Robin's one month check-up and all seemed well. She was gaining weight, responding and reacting like she is supposed to, yadda yadda yadda. The Drs said everything was on track and that we were doing fine as parents. How ever, after pressing down on her abdomen he found that she had a small lump that he thought might be a hernia. This was news to us as she had never made any sign of discomfort in that area during diaper changes or bathing. The Dr assured us that it was nothing we could have known and that while she wasn't hurting right now, we needed to check to see what the lump was since it could do permanent damage.
So later that week we packed up and went to the main hospital in Okayama City. I say pack up because when you are traveling with a one month old you have no idea what you are going to need. On a side note, if you are ever going on a day trip with a friend with a baby, show up their house early. That may seem rude, but you will be a big help if you offer to watch said baby for a few minutes so the parents can finish eating breakfast, packing the diaper bag, brushing their teeth, getting themselves dressed, etc.
Anyway, at the hospital the Dr confirmed that it was indeed an inaugural hernia and that she would need surgery (read more on that here- http://www.chp.edu/CHP/Inguinal+Hernia+Repair+Surgery). He told us that this was a common procedure and that it would be quick with a quick recovery as well. Still, we were a little worried about her having surgery so small.
The following week we checked into the hospital. As much as I was worried about the surgery, it was interesting to be in a Japanese hospital. First off, we were given a bed, not a crib and a chair as I assumed we would get, and told to co-sleep with Robin. The bed had large sides that slid up and down to make an adult size crib. This was just weird as both co-sleeping and these types of beds are frowned upon for babies in the US. We were also given a pillow and a comforter for Robin- another no-no for safety in the US.
Because only one parent could stay and because Motoaki had work, it was decided that I would stay with Robin. I was a little nervous about my lack of Japanese, but luckily I had the experience of staying in the hospital after her birth to go off of. The main difference this time is that we had a roommate. And we were quite close. The beds were actually pushed up against one another with a curtain drawn between them. But we could hear everything the others were doing and vice versa.
I don't mean to talk ill of a baby, but I was so impressed at how well Robin behaved compared to this other baby. While it screamed through the day and night, she just stayed calmly in the bed while I read aloud from my kindle. And it didn't seem to be screaming due to whatever it was in the hospital for because the mother just kept asking it, "What's wrong?" rather than say, "Oh I know your such and such hurts," or "I know you don't like the medicine but you have to drink it."
Actually, it wasn't the kid that so much annoyed me but it was the other mother. The few times that Robin was fussy at night, I took her to the hall and to the common room, walking and rocking her so that she became calm again so that she wouldn't wake the other baby. The same thing with the lights and whatnot- I kept the lamps on our side soft at night so as not to disturb the roommates, but she would turn the lights on super bright at all hours. To be fair, she had a curtain around the bed so I don't know what she was doing (she might have needed a bright light) but I still think she could have been considerate. During the day too she kept leaving the baby in the crib to go out into the hallway alone. She also only had one song that she sang, a counting one that I pretty much memorized in the first five minutes.
Enough of that- back to Robin. So we had an uneventful first day and then the next day was surgery. She was cut off from eating for four hours before the surgery which got a little difficult as time passed, but thankfully we had a soothie. I was against pacifiers since my mother had always been against them, but this thing was a life saver. An hour before the surgery they brought her a light robe (see picture) to change into and asked if I wanted to be present for the operation. I said no because I figured I would just be upset. Plus, she wouldn't know I was there anyway.
When it finally came time for the operation the nurse came to get me and we went together up to the entrance of the operating room. I handed her over to the Dr and then was told to wait back in my room. I got some lunch and started to write my Jaken article for the next month. It was just under an hour when the same nurse came to get me to go pick Robin up. I assumed that she would be passed out when we got her but she came out of the surgery room awake and crying. She wasn't wailing but you could tell she was not happy. I was really nervous to hold her but they encouraged it and promised I wouldn't hurt her. I took her back to our room and since she couldn't eat for another four hours, I gave her the soothie to her and sang to her. I am sure that the Japanese woman who was my roommate is writing her blog about how annoying my songs were, especially when I forgot second verses and repeated the first verses over and over.
Finally after four hours she got to eat and after that she was pretty much back to being the baby we were used to, just slightly more alert and a lighter sleeper. She got upset when they took the IV out but otherwise didn't seem too put out by the pain she had. This amazed me as I know that if I had gotten stitches I would be moaning about it for at least a day after. In a way it was nice that she had surgery this young as it doesn't really mean anything to her.
On a side note, you see in the picture that they attached the IV with a big pad taped around the baby's arm. I am so stupid- the day before when I saw the kids with these I was like, "Wow, a lot of kids getting arm/hand surgery!"
Motoaki came that night and helped comfort her while I stole away for food. Though the small hospital where I gave birth was great, it was so nice to be in this big hospital that had a major coffee shop, a bakery, and a convenience store. She didn't sleep through the night but she wasn't fussy either. Again, just sitting there while I read to her.
The next morning Motoaki came and we got ready to go home. The Dr did one last check, changing her bandage and giving us some simple instructions on caring for it. We joked later about her big crush on him as she was so focused on his face when he was talking. She's getting better at focusing but will go in and out as far as looking at one object or person, but this guy captivated her. Actually, I will note that all of the staff at the big hospital seemed good looking and young. You watch shows like ER and Greys Anatomy and you think, yeah this is good but you never find Dr.s and Nurses quite so attractive in real life, but they were there in the children's ward in Okayama. But I think I heard somewhere that the hospital has an association with the university, so that would explain the drama-like staff.
The rest of the week she would wake up crying a lot more, but I wasn't sure if that was due to a growth spurt or an operation. We went back the following week to get the bandage taken off and the Dr said she was good to go. I guess I would just like to end by saying that if you have anyone you know that has to go through this, it really isn't that bad.
So later that week we packed up and went to the main hospital in Okayama City. I say pack up because when you are traveling with a one month old you have no idea what you are going to need. On a side note, if you are ever going on a day trip with a friend with a baby, show up their house early. That may seem rude, but you will be a big help if you offer to watch said baby for a few minutes so the parents can finish eating breakfast, packing the diaper bag, brushing their teeth, getting themselves dressed, etc.
Anyway, at the hospital the Dr confirmed that it was indeed an inaugural hernia and that she would need surgery (read more on that here- http://www.chp.edu/CHP/Inguinal+Hernia+Repair+Surgery). He told us that this was a common procedure and that it would be quick with a quick recovery as well. Still, we were a little worried about her having surgery so small.
The following week we checked into the hospital. As much as I was worried about the surgery, it was interesting to be in a Japanese hospital. First off, we were given a bed, not a crib and a chair as I assumed we would get, and told to co-sleep with Robin. The bed had large sides that slid up and down to make an adult size crib. This was just weird as both co-sleeping and these types of beds are frowned upon for babies in the US. We were also given a pillow and a comforter for Robin- another no-no for safety in the US.
Because only one parent could stay and because Motoaki had work, it was decided that I would stay with Robin. I was a little nervous about my lack of Japanese, but luckily I had the experience of staying in the hospital after her birth to go off of. The main difference this time is that we had a roommate. And we were quite close. The beds were actually pushed up against one another with a curtain drawn between them. But we could hear everything the others were doing and vice versa.
I don't mean to talk ill of a baby, but I was so impressed at how well Robin behaved compared to this other baby. While it screamed through the day and night, she just stayed calmly in the bed while I read aloud from my kindle. And it didn't seem to be screaming due to whatever it was in the hospital for because the mother just kept asking it, "What's wrong?" rather than say, "Oh I know your such and such hurts," or "I know you don't like the medicine but you have to drink it."
Enough of that- back to Robin. So we had an uneventful first day and then the next day was surgery. She was cut off from eating for four hours before the surgery which got a little difficult as time passed, but thankfully we had a soothie. I was against pacifiers since my mother had always been against them, but this thing was a life saver. An hour before the surgery they brought her a light robe (see picture) to change into and asked if I wanted to be present for the operation. I said no because I figured I would just be upset. Plus, she wouldn't know I was there anyway.
When it finally came time for the operation the nurse came to get me and we went together up to the entrance of the operating room. I handed her over to the Dr and then was told to wait back in my room. I got some lunch and started to write my Jaken article for the next month. It was just under an hour when the same nurse came to get me to go pick Robin up. I assumed that she would be passed out when we got her but she came out of the surgery room awake and crying. She wasn't wailing but you could tell she was not happy. I was really nervous to hold her but they encouraged it and promised I wouldn't hurt her. I took her back to our room and since she couldn't eat for another four hours, I gave her the soothie to her and sang to her. I am sure that the Japanese woman who was my roommate is writing her blog about how annoying my songs were, especially when I forgot second verses and repeated the first verses over and over.
Finally after four hours she got to eat and after that she was pretty much back to being the baby we were used to, just slightly more alert and a lighter sleeper. She got upset when they took the IV out but otherwise didn't seem too put out by the pain she had. This amazed me as I know that if I had gotten stitches I would be moaning about it for at least a day after. In a way it was nice that she had surgery this young as it doesn't really mean anything to her.On a side note, you see in the picture that they attached the IV with a big pad taped around the baby's arm. I am so stupid- the day before when I saw the kids with these I was like, "Wow, a lot of kids getting arm/hand surgery!"
Motoaki came that night and helped comfort her while I stole away for food. Though the small hospital where I gave birth was great, it was so nice to be in this big hospital that had a major coffee shop, a bakery, and a convenience store. She didn't sleep through the night but she wasn't fussy either. Again, just sitting there while I read to her.
The next morning Motoaki came and we got ready to go home. The Dr did one last check, changing her bandage and giving us some simple instructions on caring for it. We joked later about her big crush on him as she was so focused on his face when he was talking. She's getting better at focusing but will go in and out as far as looking at one object or person, but this guy captivated her. Actually, I will note that all of the staff at the big hospital seemed good looking and young. You watch shows like ER and Greys Anatomy and you think, yeah this is good but you never find Dr.s and Nurses quite so attractive in real life, but they were there in the children's ward in Okayama. But I think I heard somewhere that the hospital has an association with the university, so that would explain the drama-like staff.
The rest of the week she would wake up crying a lot more, but I wasn't sure if that was due to a growth spurt or an operation. We went back the following week to get the bandage taken off and the Dr said she was good to go. I guess I would just like to end by saying that if you have anyone you know that has to go through this, it really isn't that bad.
Japanese Baptism
So it wasn't really a baptism in the sense that we think of one, but we took Robin to a temple to get her blessed. Motoaki's grandfather was a Shinto priest and so part of Motoaki's parents house is a temple. But people don't really practice there anymore (except for a few old people) so we went to the headquarters of their specific brand of Shintoism just outside of Kurashiki (for those of you have visited me, it is the town with the mall and the button rings) in Tamashima.
I didn't know what to expect other than the fact that Robin was going to be wearing a Christianing gown and a kimono that her grandmother had bought her. Apparently the kimono was around $2000 and was the most expensive one at the place she went to (according to Grandpa). Can we say spoiled? It is quite beautiful. Not the colors that I would have chosen, but seeing as I didn't buy it, I didn't say anything. It seems like a lot for a baby but she will wear it again for her 3 year old blessing/ceremony. You can read more about that here on wiki http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shichi-Go-San
We got to the temple and it was actually quite a big building. It looked more like a school rather than the temples I am used to. There was a traditional temple next to the large, gym-like structure we were entering which I guess is the original structure on the complex. This was nice as it meant that it was actually going to be warm inside. However, it made me mad since I had gone for weather instead of fashion with my clothing choice and seeing as how I am in between sizes these days, I didn't look too hot. I had on work pants and a blouse I got forever ago at Khols. If I had known it was going to be in a big building I would have worn one of the dresses I had worn to me brothers wedding with a cardigan.
We entered first into a basement and changed Robin in a tatami room that looks like it is used for receptions. I had put her in a sleeper for the car ride since, no matter how much I trust cloth diapers, there is always that fear of exploding poo. It quickly became "Grandma's Day" which is fine. I am not super possessive of Robin and am willing to share her, especially for something that I don't really care deeply about. Not saying that I don't care or respect Motoaki's families traditions, but it is not something I have ever done before so it doesn't mean as much to me. So anyway I let her dress Robin. Even when the hat didn't fit and she kept retying and retying it (whereas I would have just taken it off) I let it be. Luckily Robin was pretty chill and didn't get fussy about it.
I had actually been mistaken about the kimono. Robin didn't wear it, I did, blanket style over Robin while holding her. This wasn't a big deal but it did mean that I was more "up front and center" and it also meant that I wasn't going to be able to step back and take pictures. Not a big deal but Motoaki isn't familiar with my camera and accidentally messed up the settings, resulting in most of the shots being a bit blurry.
After we had finished dressing her we went upstairs to a big open room where people were praying. We then went to a corner and asked for the blessing from a priest who was doing this for several people. The whole thing lasted almost all of ten minutes. No big deal but I felt bad as MIL had spent so much on clothing. I had expected there to be more but didn't mind it being short since Robin is still small and can get fussy out of nowhere.
After leaving the big room I assumed we would be packing up and heading for home, possibly stopping for lunch. I went to change Robin out of her stuff but the PIL told me to wait since we were going to be going for a photo shoot. Now I got a little upset about this because I hadn't been told about it. I don't mind pictures but I do mind when I am wearing crappy clothing and didn't really do anything as far as make-up or jewelry.
It was actually interesting because the photo shoot was done at a really old photo shop/studio. The kind that Motoaki probably got his photo taken in back in 1975. The photographer had to have been in his 70s and his only assistant was his wife, also quite old. Still, they did a great job of getting Robin, a 6 week old, to focus and the photo that I have seen so far was great. I say the photo I have seen so far because I only saw one- a passport photo for her Japanese photo. That is actually for a whole other post. Let's just say that even the professional photo was rejected by the super strict city hall.
Anyway, I was upset that I looked crappy for photos that will no doubt be sent to all of the relatives and be put on show in the living room for decades to come, but overall it was a good day. We ended it by swinging into AEON Kurashiki (the big mall) for Starbucks (Grandpa stayed in the car with a sleeping Robin) making it a GREAT day! However, I am still looking forward to the Christian baptism that I am planning on having in March when I am in America.
I didn't know what to expect other than the fact that Robin was going to be wearing a Christianing gown and a kimono that her grandmother had bought her. Apparently the kimono was around $2000 and was the most expensive one at the place she went to (according to Grandpa). Can we say spoiled? It is quite beautiful. Not the colors that I would have chosen, but seeing as I didn't buy it, I didn't say anything. It seems like a lot for a baby but she will wear it again for her 3 year old blessing/ceremony. You can read more about that here on wiki http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shichi-Go-San
We got to the temple and it was actually quite a big building. It looked more like a school rather than the temples I am used to. There was a traditional temple next to the large, gym-like structure we were entering which I guess is the original structure on the complex. This was nice as it meant that it was actually going to be warm inside. However, it made me mad since I had gone for weather instead of fashion with my clothing choice and seeing as how I am in between sizes these days, I didn't look too hot. I had on work pants and a blouse I got forever ago at Khols. If I had known it was going to be in a big building I would have worn one of the dresses I had worn to me brothers wedding with a cardigan.
We entered first into a basement and changed Robin in a tatami room that looks like it is used for receptions. I had put her in a sleeper for the car ride since, no matter how much I trust cloth diapers, there is always that fear of exploding poo. It quickly became "Grandma's Day" which is fine. I am not super possessive of Robin and am willing to share her, especially for something that I don't really care deeply about. Not saying that I don't care or respect Motoaki's families traditions, but it is not something I have ever done before so it doesn't mean as much to me. So anyway I let her dress Robin. Even when the hat didn't fit and she kept retying and retying it (whereas I would have just taken it off) I let it be. Luckily Robin was pretty chill and didn't get fussy about it.
I had actually been mistaken about the kimono. Robin didn't wear it, I did, blanket style over Robin while holding her. This wasn't a big deal but it did mean that I was more "up front and center" and it also meant that I wasn't going to be able to step back and take pictures. Not a big deal but Motoaki isn't familiar with my camera and accidentally messed up the settings, resulting in most of the shots being a bit blurry.
After we had finished dressing her we went upstairs to a big open room where people were praying. We then went to a corner and asked for the blessing from a priest who was doing this for several people. The whole thing lasted almost all of ten minutes. No big deal but I felt bad as MIL had spent so much on clothing. I had expected there to be more but didn't mind it being short since Robin is still small and can get fussy out of nowhere.
After leaving the big room I assumed we would be packing up and heading for home, possibly stopping for lunch. I went to change Robin out of her stuff but the PIL told me to wait since we were going to be going for a photo shoot. Now I got a little upset about this because I hadn't been told about it. I don't mind pictures but I do mind when I am wearing crappy clothing and didn't really do anything as far as make-up or jewelry.
It was actually interesting because the photo shoot was done at a really old photo shop/studio. The kind that Motoaki probably got his photo taken in back in 1975. The photographer had to have been in his 70s and his only assistant was his wife, also quite old. Still, they did a great job of getting Robin, a 6 week old, to focus and the photo that I have seen so far was great. I say the photo I have seen so far because I only saw one- a passport photo for her Japanese photo. That is actually for a whole other post. Let's just say that even the professional photo was rejected by the super strict city hall.
Anyway, I was upset that I looked crappy for photos that will no doubt be sent to all of the relatives and be put on show in the living room for decades to come, but overall it was a good day. We ended it by swinging into AEON Kurashiki (the big mall) for Starbucks (Grandpa stayed in the car with a sleeping Robin) making it a GREAT day! However, I am still looking forward to the Christian baptism that I am planning on having in March when I am in America.
Sunday, January 6, 2013
Robin: 1 Month
So this is late (and already on Facebook) but I want to add it to the blog so I can keep it for the future. I also realized that I never added to her birth story that her middle name is Nagisa (凪沙) which means calm waters.
I stole these two ideas from two blogs that I love (or loved- I think both ladies are taking a break these days). The first picture I stole from Umebossy and it is simply Robin witha paper staing her age and the date (she turned on month on Jan. 2nd).
The second I got from Nay at Chasing Happiness in Japan. She takes a picture each month of her baby with the same teddy bear so that you can see the baby grow. We got this lovely Harrods Bear from Grandma Fujiwara and he is perfect for the job. I named him Phillip and he is quite lovely.
Anyway, I am not sure what the "one month milestones" are (I just downloaded a baby book to my kindle on Friday) so I am not sure if Robin has met them, but I will say what I do know.
-Right now at one month she is pretty good at holding her head up while being held or when placed on my chest. I've never timed it or anything. We have been extremely lazy with tummy time (partially because our floor is horrible right now and partially because of all the holiday stuff) but this week I am going to get on that so hopefully we will see exactly what that little body can do.
-She is pretty much exclusively eating formula at this point and is up to about 3 ounces every 3 hours, though sometimes she eats almost every hour (growth spurt days). We are going to her one month check in on the 7th and hopefully her weight is fine. Motoaki said that sometimes they put babies on diets here if they are being overfed...
-She sleeps from about 11-3 and then from about 3:30-7. This is actually pretty good. Though I know this could change at any day, it is nice to have her somewhat on a schedule. It can be a little tiring but it's better that we know what to expect. She is starting to be more and more alert during the day and will sometimes stay awake for up two hours and a half at a time.
-She is barely fitting into newborn clothing but that is partially due to her fluffy butt (slang for cloth diapers). She lives in 0-3 month footed pjs, but the legs are slightly too long.
-Cloth diapering is going well so far. We had some leaks in the first few days but that was because the pocket diapers were too big for her legs (pee would come out the leg holes) and she was too heavy of a wetter for the nb all in ones (cheapy THX- I think those would have worked if we would have used them the first week rather than waiting until the third week). But her fitteds and covers are working marvelously. Since she has gained a bit of weight, though, I think I will try pockets again this week as well as some BG all in ones I ordered. I know that might be confusing for the non-cloth diaperer. I'm really excited it has been working so well.
The second I got from Nay at Chasing Happiness in Japan. She takes a picture each month of her baby with the same teddy bear so that you can see the baby grow. We got this lovely Harrods Bear from Grandma Fujiwara and he is perfect for the job. I named him Phillip and he is quite lovely.
Anyway, I am not sure what the "one month milestones" are (I just downloaded a baby book to my kindle on Friday) so I am not sure if Robin has met them, but I will say what I do know.
-Right now at one month she is pretty good at holding her head up while being held or when placed on my chest. I've never timed it or anything. We have been extremely lazy with tummy time (partially because our floor is horrible right now and partially because of all the holiday stuff) but this week I am going to get on that so hopefully we will see exactly what that little body can do.
-She is pretty much exclusively eating formula at this point and is up to about 3 ounces every 3 hours, though sometimes she eats almost every hour (growth spurt days). We are going to her one month check in on the 7th and hopefully her weight is fine. Motoaki said that sometimes they put babies on diets here if they are being overfed...
-She sleeps from about 11-3 and then from about 3:30-7. This is actually pretty good. Though I know this could change at any day, it is nice to have her somewhat on a schedule. It can be a little tiring but it's better that we know what to expect. She is starting to be more and more alert during the day and will sometimes stay awake for up two hours and a half at a time.
-She is barely fitting into newborn clothing but that is partially due to her fluffy butt (slang for cloth diapers). She lives in 0-3 month footed pjs, but the legs are slightly too long.
-Cloth diapering is going well so far. We had some leaks in the first few days but that was because the pocket diapers were too big for her legs (pee would come out the leg holes) and she was too heavy of a wetter for the nb all in ones (cheapy THX- I think those would have worked if we would have used them the first week rather than waiting until the third week). But her fitteds and covers are working marvelously. Since she has gained a bit of weight, though, I think I will try pockets again this week as well as some BG all in ones I ordered. I know that might be confusing for the non-cloth diaperer. I'm really excited it has been working so well.
Her first CD- a THX.
Second CD- another THX (her pretty one). Unfortunately these only lasted about an hour...
A BG Flip Cover with an Ashar fitted underneath. These things rock. No leaks and she doesn't really notice when she is wet, only when she poos.
Books...
So it's been awhile and it is not Wednesday but I thought I would mention a few books I have been reading.
Our November book for book club was The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time. This was a book that I had read before but long ago (maybe in university...) so I didn't remember much other than a few key points. The book is about a young autistic boy investigating the murder of a dog (my hero- the boy, not the dog) and how in doing so he uncovers all sorts of secrets about his family and neighborhood. The story might not be the most fantastic but the style of writing is really great as the author tries really hard (and succeeds at) putting us in the mind of an autistic person. At one point I was dreaming about math equations (and my inability to do them) as a result of the way the young man thinks. This is a great read and also a quick read (I think I read it in a day and a half at work), especially good for travel.
Our December book for book club was Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim. I had read this book before (and had it already in my library) but didn't remember it as it isn't my favorite David Sedaris book (I can read Me Talk Pretty One Day over and over). And because Robin was born and I wasn't sure I would make it to the meeting, I didn't actually finish it this time around. But then again, David Sedaris is funny and he writes family so well so it is still worth a read. It is also a good book for travel as the stories are short and easily picked up and set down (actually, I always take short story books when I travel as back up).
In this book I especially liked the story, "Let It Snow," when their mother locks David and his sisters outside during a snow storm. She is used to having the house to herself during the day and can't handle having them home due to the snow. To get their mom's attention the older kids try to convince their youngest sister to lie down in the middle of the road and get hit by a car. It sounds horrible and sick and twisted, but Sedaris makes it endearing (as he always does). It makes me think of my family (especially my mother's side) and how we aren't that weird (horrible/sick/twisted) after all.
I
I was reading The Lost and Forgotten Languages of Shanghai right up until my due date and unfortunately I haven't finished it just yet. I was stupid not to take it to the hospital with me. Again, this was a book that I picked up on the bargain table at Barnes & Noble and didn't really think about it apart from the fact that it was cheap. I was so lucky to pick it up because it is amazing.
It tells the story of a man in Shanghai who is caught in an explosion at a hotel. When he wakes up he can no longer speak Chinese. He can read it and understand it, but he can't say it or write it. However, he can speak some English due to the fact that he spent his childhood in the states.
Obviously this is a problem as his wife and son are Chinese. The same with his company. His family, desperate to cure him, hire a young female Dr from the states to work with him. However, rather than regain his Chinese, his English becomes stronger which creates tension between all of the characters. A lot of people have given it bad reviews due to the melodramatic love story in the book, but I enjoyed it and am fascinated by the whole bilingual aspect and the expat aspect.
Mister Pip is a book that a friend gave to me to read when I first started maternity leave. Again, a great find that I might have missed (there are just too many good books in this world).
It tells the story of a young girl living on an island and the only white man on that island, Mr. Watts. Mr. Watts becomes the school teacher and he teaches the class of students by reading them Great Expectations. Though it is a struggle due to the fact that the island children have never heard about 70% of the words in the book (nor do they have any real concept of England), the students soon become captivated by the story.
Meanwhile in the background there is a civil war going on and the small village that started out as a sort of paradise soon faces the reality of violence and oppression. Still, the children have Great Expectations as a distraction.
Though I have read Great Expectations several times, this book made me want to read it again as the story is intertwined into this novel. But even if you know nothing of the Dickens novel, I think this book is still a good read. The main character is a young female, but I think men and women would find this book fascinating. Though it would make a great high school book, I think parts might be too violent for some younger audiences.
Our November book for book club was The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time. This was a book that I had read before but long ago (maybe in university...) so I didn't remember much other than a few key points. The book is about a young autistic boy investigating the murder of a dog (my hero- the boy, not the dog) and how in doing so he uncovers all sorts of secrets about his family and neighborhood. The story might not be the most fantastic but the style of writing is really great as the author tries really hard (and succeeds at) putting us in the mind of an autistic person. At one point I was dreaming about math equations (and my inability to do them) as a result of the way the young man thinks. This is a great read and also a quick read (I think I read it in a day and a half at work), especially good for travel.
In this book I especially liked the story, "Let It Snow," when their mother locks David and his sisters outside during a snow storm. She is used to having the house to herself during the day and can't handle having them home due to the snow. To get their mom's attention the older kids try to convince their youngest sister to lie down in the middle of the road and get hit by a car. It sounds horrible and sick and twisted, but Sedaris makes it endearing (as he always does). It makes me think of my family (especially my mother's side) and how we aren't that weird (horrible/sick/twisted) after all.
My middle child, Tom
Tom is another guy that got overlooked this year as he came at a busy time. Also, we didn't write/talk about him for awhile because we thought people would judge us for getting a new dog so slow close to my due date.
Then one Saturday Motoaki and I were on our way to Osaka to go to Costco and a big electronics store and I thought I would just check. There was a male left and he was down to $400. Since the store is close to Costco and since we needed dog food for Finn anyway, we thought we would go look. We got there and he was asleep so we looked at some of the other dogs. Motoaki asked if I wanted to get the cairn out of the cage, but I said we needed to think about it. Motoaki was like, we wouldn't have come if we didn't think we were getting a dog. This surprised me as I thought I was the only one who had been thinking about him.
Of course you can't hold a puppy and then say no. Well, maybe some people can, but I can't. So we got Tom Sawyer, a 5 month old cairn terrier. We realized that this was a little dumb and that we were probably taking on too much. But, he came potty trained for the pee sheet/litter box thing they have in Japan like Finn. And living in the pet store he was crate trained as well.
Finn started out being absolutely terrified of Tom which was quite funny since Finn probably has 10 or 12 pounds on him. We thought Finn would be growling and chasing him , but it was the opposite. Tom wasn't growling at Finn at first but he wanted to play with him and so he followed Finn, but Finn would run away. For the first week it stayed like this. Then they started wrestling the second week. By the third week they were full on playing together. They still get angry at each other and can be competetive with food/toys/treats, but for the most part they get along.
Motoaki always says that Finn has a glass heart, and it's true. He gets nervous easily and though he will kind of put up a fight with Tom, he usually backs down pretty easily. He likes to cuddle and gets upset if you leave him alone in a room. As a puppy he was afraid of everything and it took him forever to get up the courage to jump up and down from furniture or to walk too far ahead of us on the leash.
Tom couldn't be more different. He is very scrappy and couragous and was never really afraid of anything in the house. He is actually pretty good with keeping himself occupied. You can leave him in a room or in his cage with some chew toys and he will play happily for hours. Unfortunately Finn always interupts this play. He is pretty good at controlling his pee but does have a bad habit of chewing on things like the carpet or wires. He doesn't really seem to notice Robin yet (while Finn loves to sniff her and will try to lick her head when I feed her). I feel bad as he sometimes gets looked over when we are taking care of Robin's needs, but he doesn't seem to notice. And I justify it (somewhat) by thinking that if we didn't have Robin I would be at work all day anyway.
I'm glad we got Tom as he definitely keeps Finn occupied. And he is very sweet with me (Motoaki prefers Finn since he is easier to train). I can't wait for two years to pass when all three of my babies are old enough to play together. I can just imagine the three of them chasing each other in our big hallway or going for long walks. I am so excited for Robin to have playmates in the dogs, and the same for Finn. Even though he sometimes gets a little upset that I am paying attention to the other two, he also seems to be less bored than he was with Motoaki and I.
Friday, January 4, 2013
My Dad
So as you may have seen in my previous post that my dad passed away in November. I figure I owe him more than just a blurb in a review of the year. He was 62 years old and they found him sitting in the basement of one of our rental properties. We never got an autopsy but they think it could have been a stroke, heart attack, or complications from the insulin he had just started taking for diabeties. He looked peaceful and so we can pretty much say that he didn't suffer. In some ways it is comforting to know that he is with my mom now (who passed away in March of 2011). Whether you believe in that kind of thing or not, it is nice to think about. They had met in JHS and started dating in high school. They married their Jr year of college and were pretty much inseparable until she died.
On the other hand it wasn't a comfort to know that he was alone. To know that over the past year he had a somewhat strained relationship with us kids due to his choice to get engaged to a woman none of us really knew. For me personally we were on good terms at the moment but had been up and down over the past year. I had never really fought with my dad until all of this came about. Sure, he had been mad at me before (and I at him) but usually over things like slamming the doors too hard or forgetting to change the oil in my car. In our house dad was always the peacekeeper and it was mom we were at war with. Well, at least for my sister and me. It was hard to know that I never truly said that I was sorry and that I wouldn't get the chance to say it.
It was even more of a blow to not be at his funeral. I was able to watch part of it via an internet connection but not all of it. I am sure my dad understood but it still made me feel bad. It made me feel worse that only hymns were sung at his service. Not that I blame anyone who set up the order of events (that is never easy and this is the second time I hadn't really been able to help- I made it back for my mother's service the day before so while I had made suggestions, I hadn't done any of the leg work). It's just that, if you knew my dad, then you knew that one thing he loved more than anything else was to sing along to the radio. Actually, he and my mom both were big fans of pretty much singing non-stop (unfortunately for Morgan, Motoaki, and David this is something my siblings and I have inherited). They both loved musicals and "oldies" the best and on Saturdays dad would be in "the back room" singing along to the radio or his record player while mom would be in the kitchen singing along to the TV. I sent home suggestions for the service but none of them really worked as he liked sentimental love stuff best, such as The Lovin Spoonful's "Do You Believe in Magic," or The Fleetwoods "Mr. Blue." We thought about some stuff from Camelot, but his "fiance" turned it down...
On the other hand, we know that dad was happy with where his children were at in their lives. He had a ticket booked to come see Robin, his first grandchild, and was happy to know that my brother and his wife are expecting in July. He was also relieved to see my sister settled with a stable guy and didn't have to worry now that pretty much all three of his kids had houses and incomes.
I am thankful that I did get the chance to travel with him this summer to DC and NYC. It sounds bad but we were really lucky that my sister, brother, and dad's fiance didn't come along. It would have been great to have them, but it also would have meant that my dad and I would have talked less, and that Motoaki and my dad wouldn't have talked as much. As social as my dad was, he could be kind of quiet and if someone else had been there, he probably wouldn't have joined in on the conversation. I see that in Motoaki and that is one reason why we work so well.
It sounds weird, considering my husband is a Japanese social worker/surfer, but I do see a lot of my dad in him. They say that you marry your father and I think I did in some odd way. Motoaki is a lot of fun and can be really funny, but is often quiet with larger groups. Like my dad, he is a big dreamer, but needs someone to be there to get him to actually follow those dreams. My dad said that my mom would think of a destination and my dad would figure out how to get there. Motoaki and I are the same. And like my dad, Motoaki doesn't mind driving (which is kind of weird for a Japanese person- we went to Kyushu, the southern island in Japan, back when I didn't have a liscense so Motoaki was doing all of the long hours behind the wheel while I talked, sang, or read).
I hate that my dad won't get to meet Robin and or Toby's baby or that he won't be here to walk Maggie down the aisle. I hate that we will never have a chance to fully clear all of the tension we felt with each other this past year. But I am in some ways glad that I will never have to see him suffer, that I will never have to see him become old and unable to do the things he loved doing. He and my mom will both be remembered as the jet setters that they were, rather than as some senile great great relative that makes great grandchildren and nursing home staff uncomfortable.
Thursday, January 3, 2013
2012: What the hell just happened?
2012 had to be one of the craziest years to date. I wish I could go into detail, but it's going to have to be bullet points. In case you haven't noticed (or you don't have Facebook), I'm a mom now...
Jan: Rang in the new year in Iowa by our lonesomes. My brother was back in DC, my dad was in Dallas, and Maggie was with her "BOYFRIEND" David. That's ok. Motoaki and I got subway and watched TV.
Feb: The main highlight was that I went to Sendai to do an English camp with kids who had been in the Tohoku disaster. I was blown away by their English ability and their thoughts/feelings about the current state and future of Japan.
Mar: Another school year came to an end and I said good-bye to my favorite class. I had been their teacher all three years of JHS and really felt like I knew every student. I also said good-bye to a lot of great teachers: Ellie, Mike, Amy, Kym, Chie, Nick, Katie,...and my boss Carolyn. We had a wild night out for St. Patrick's day to really send everyone off. My dad and sister came for a short visit and I finally got the low-down on my dad's fiance, Sheila. And I ended the month with an amazing trip to Vietnam with Amy and Kym. It would have been more amazing if I hadn't been sick with...
April: A BABY! At the tail end of March/beginning of April we discovered that we were pregnant. Just what I needed as I started a new school year with new responsibilities as a head teacher for Okayama-ken. Despite a lot of exhaustion, I was able to welcome my new intern, Michael Douglass, and some new teachers- Alice, Reiza, Andrew, and Curtis.
May: Spent Golden Week not doing anything except walking a 5k (ok so I got lost and it was less than that as I turned around early), shopping, and sleeping. Spent the rest of the month trying to stay awake at work. I would like to say that the only thing making me sleepy was the little baby I was growing, but truth was I had to deal with a lot of drama at home due to the surprise engagement of my father to Sheila. Looking back, I was a fool to make such a big deal over everything, but at the time we all were feeling hurt by what we thought were too many secrets and lies. On a more positive note, started the Maniwa Book Club and had about 12 members for our first meeting!
June: Dad, Sheila, Maggie, and David came for what was a fun yet somewhat strained trip. We all managed to be polite but there was definitely trouble just beneath the surface.
July: Ended the school first school term and managed to be a lot more social this month by going to BBQs and hosting a party at our house. Said good-bye to Amy and Dan, two people who had been in Maniwa for a long time. Started swimming and getting serious about the whole prepping for a baby thing. Headed home at the very end of the month.
Aug: Was a crazy jam-packed month back in the US. I spent the first week shopping and attending a birth class in Ames. Found out we were having a girl so I could start buying seriously. Spent the second week road-tripping out to DC with my Dad, Grandma, and sister. Picked up Motoaki and had a wonderful time seeing family and celebrating my brother's wedding. Had the trip of a life time touring DC and New York with my dad and grandma. Though I had been to all of the sites before, this was Motoaki's first time, and sadly, my dad's last. We didn't know it at the time but it has become a trip we can look back on as us being together and us being happy. After that I rode home cross-country with Dad and Grandma and just listening to their stories and banter. The following week I made a quick dash to Minnesota to check in with friends and to buy a lot before spending my last few days in Iowa with my sister, aunt, and friend Ashley.
Sept: Had another busy month at work as we had added a lot of new teachers that needed to be welcomed and observed. Had yet another sports day. It was very different as this year I couldn't really participate- neither in the teacher student race nor the karaoke after party...
Oct: A really crazy month as I raced to get everything done before going on maternity leave. I welcomed the teacher replacing me, Liz, and got her ready for teaching my classes while I would be gone. I also got busy again coaching speech contest, though this year was a lot easier as we only had 4 students entered from my school rather than 11. Added to all of this craziness was the dog, Tom, Motoaki and I adopted despite knowing better. By knowing better I mean that it seemed a little much for us to adopt a dog a month before my due date, but we couldn't (or I couldn't) pass up a cairn terrier. Plus, we thought it might be a good friend for Finn. I was a little sad to miss Halloween this year but realized a pregnant woman had no sense being at an all-night party.
Nov: Started out well as my students took second and third place in the speech contest. I went on maternity leave and spent my first week going to the mall and walking the dogs a lot. On Nov 11th I had an amazing baby shower put on by the girls in town. They had the great idea of all giving me a children's book since I already had a lot of baby stuff. Unfortunately all of that happiness was cut short as I got news from home that my father had passed away. Added to the shock and grief was the fact that I couldn't go home due to being so pregnant. Spent the rest of the week calling home a lot and just vegging in front of the TV. Not much changed the following two weeks. My due date came and went and secretly I was relieved as I was starting to get nervous about birth and being a mother.
Dec: Started off the first day calm and relaxed and then got hit by surprise as our little girl, Robin Nagisa, decided to appear on the 2nd. You can read the previous post for more on that. She has pretty much monopolized the whole month. We managed to go to church on Christmas and to have Christmas dinner with some friends, but other than that the holidays didn't really happen for us. And in a way that was ok. Without my dad it would have been too hard to do everything we normally do.
So you probably can't get it from the short bullet points, but 2012 was definitely emotional and full of ups and downs. Though it will be a memorable year that we will all talk about for the rest of our lives, I am secretly glad to see it end. 2013 already has a lot of high points to look forward to. I'll be going home in March to help settle my parents estate and to show Robin off to family. My brother and his wife are expecting in July and we will all be together for my sister's wedding in December. Though Robin is a cute and calm baby, I look forward to her developing into her own person.
Happy New Year!!
Jan: Rang in the new year in Iowa by our lonesomes. My brother was back in DC, my dad was in Dallas, and Maggie was with her "BOYFRIEND" David. That's ok. Motoaki and I got subway and watched TV.
Feb: The main highlight was that I went to Sendai to do an English camp with kids who had been in the Tohoku disaster. I was blown away by their English ability and their thoughts/feelings about the current state and future of Japan.
Mar: Another school year came to an end and I said good-bye to my favorite class. I had been their teacher all three years of JHS and really felt like I knew every student. I also said good-bye to a lot of great teachers: Ellie, Mike, Amy, Kym, Chie, Nick, Katie,...and my boss Carolyn. We had a wild night out for St. Patrick's day to really send everyone off. My dad and sister came for a short visit and I finally got the low-down on my dad's fiance, Sheila. And I ended the month with an amazing trip to Vietnam with Amy and Kym. It would have been more amazing if I hadn't been sick with...
April: A BABY! At the tail end of March/beginning of April we discovered that we were pregnant. Just what I needed as I started a new school year with new responsibilities as a head teacher for Okayama-ken. Despite a lot of exhaustion, I was able to welcome my new intern, Michael Douglass, and some new teachers- Alice, Reiza, Andrew, and Curtis.
May: Spent Golden Week not doing anything except walking a 5k (ok so I got lost and it was less than that as I turned around early), shopping, and sleeping. Spent the rest of the month trying to stay awake at work. I would like to say that the only thing making me sleepy was the little baby I was growing, but truth was I had to deal with a lot of drama at home due to the surprise engagement of my father to Sheila. Looking back, I was a fool to make such a big deal over everything, but at the time we all were feeling hurt by what we thought were too many secrets and lies. On a more positive note, started the Maniwa Book Club and had about 12 members for our first meeting!
June: Dad, Sheila, Maggie, and David came for what was a fun yet somewhat strained trip. We all managed to be polite but there was definitely trouble just beneath the surface.
July: Ended the school first school term and managed to be a lot more social this month by going to BBQs and hosting a party at our house. Said good-bye to Amy and Dan, two people who had been in Maniwa for a long time. Started swimming and getting serious about the whole prepping for a baby thing. Headed home at the very end of the month.
Aug: Was a crazy jam-packed month back in the US. I spent the first week shopping and attending a birth class in Ames. Found out we were having a girl so I could start buying seriously. Spent the second week road-tripping out to DC with my Dad, Grandma, and sister. Picked up Motoaki and had a wonderful time seeing family and celebrating my brother's wedding. Had the trip of a life time touring DC and New York with my dad and grandma. Though I had been to all of the sites before, this was Motoaki's first time, and sadly, my dad's last. We didn't know it at the time but it has become a trip we can look back on as us being together and us being happy. After that I rode home cross-country with Dad and Grandma and just listening to their stories and banter. The following week I made a quick dash to Minnesota to check in with friends and to buy a lot before spending my last few days in Iowa with my sister, aunt, and friend Ashley.
Sept: Had another busy month at work as we had added a lot of new teachers that needed to be welcomed and observed. Had yet another sports day. It was very different as this year I couldn't really participate- neither in the teacher student race nor the karaoke after party...
Oct: A really crazy month as I raced to get everything done before going on maternity leave. I welcomed the teacher replacing me, Liz, and got her ready for teaching my classes while I would be gone. I also got busy again coaching speech contest, though this year was a lot easier as we only had 4 students entered from my school rather than 11. Added to all of this craziness was the dog, Tom, Motoaki and I adopted despite knowing better. By knowing better I mean that it seemed a little much for us to adopt a dog a month before my due date, but we couldn't (or I couldn't) pass up a cairn terrier. Plus, we thought it might be a good friend for Finn. I was a little sad to miss Halloween this year but realized a pregnant woman had no sense being at an all-night party.
Nov: Started out well as my students took second and third place in the speech contest. I went on maternity leave and spent my first week going to the mall and walking the dogs a lot. On Nov 11th I had an amazing baby shower put on by the girls in town. They had the great idea of all giving me a children's book since I already had a lot of baby stuff. Unfortunately all of that happiness was cut short as I got news from home that my father had passed away. Added to the shock and grief was the fact that I couldn't go home due to being so pregnant. Spent the rest of the week calling home a lot and just vegging in front of the TV. Not much changed the following two weeks. My due date came and went and secretly I was relieved as I was starting to get nervous about birth and being a mother.
Dec: Started off the first day calm and relaxed and then got hit by surprise as our little girl, Robin Nagisa, decided to appear on the 2nd. You can read the previous post for more on that. She has pretty much monopolized the whole month. We managed to go to church on Christmas and to have Christmas dinner with some friends, but other than that the holidays didn't really happen for us. And in a way that was ok. Without my dad it would have been too hard to do everything we normally do.
So you probably can't get it from the short bullet points, but 2012 was definitely emotional and full of ups and downs. Though it will be a memorable year that we will all talk about for the rest of our lives, I am secretly glad to see it end. 2013 already has a lot of high points to look forward to. I'll be going home in March to help settle my parents estate and to show Robin off to family. My brother and his wife are expecting in July and we will all be together for my sister's wedding in December. Though Robin is a cute and calm baby, I look forward to her developing into her own person.
Happy New Year!!
The Birth Story: Having a Baby in Japan
So it has been about 4 months since I last updated this blog. I got tied up with work and my own self and kind of let it fall to the wayside. But this year I really want to keep up with it. I love going to other blogs and being able to pretty much read their life stories with all of their entries. I think it is a great way to preserve a bit of myself and my family's history. There is a lot to re-cap from the fall of 2012 but no time. But I will document this because it is a pretty big deal. It also helps explain why I kind of cut contact with a lot of people after having my baby. So here goes.
Let me start by saying I was never one of those women who wanted a baby. I have always wanted kids with kids being the key word there. I am not a fan of infants and sadly, am still not. There is just so much stress and panic that goes with having/caring for a newborn. But let me back up.
I will say that getting pregnant and being pregnant was one of the easiest things I have ever done. OK- so not as easy as becoming a karaoke legend, but a lot easier than I thought or was led to believe it would be. For me the movies/stories are lies. I never threw up, I never had swollen ankles (except for the car ride back from DC), I had heartburn like once. I also never really felt the baby kick nor was I ever kept up by her moving. I would feel her shift or roll around, but that was about it. Even as I passed my due date it was really hard to feel that I was pregnant. Leading up to the birth I was swimming, walking, cleaning, and pretty much acting as if I wasn't pregnant.
Also, for the most part, labor was pretty easy too. Not easy, but not as bad as it could have been. I was worried about being able to do it without an epidural but I did do it and all while managing not to kill my husband or the hospital staff. I had actually gone in for an appointment on Saturday, December 1st feeling extremely normal. The Dr told me that I wasn't dilated at all and that since the baby didn't seem to be coming, we should schedule an induction. We told him we wanted to wait a little bit longer and we all agreed to meet again on Tuesday.
That afternoon we went shopping and then out for dinner with friends. That night I started cramping and by early morning (3am) I was having regular contractions. We headed to the hospital at 10 am only to be sent home again since I was only dilated at 1cm. We then went back (at the urging of Motoaki's mom since I was having contractions every 3 minutes) and stayed, having the baby at 9:23pm that night. It hurt, but I was able to push through it (pun intended) by pushing against Motoaki while he pushed back and by using the breathing I learned at the class in Iowa.
I will admit that when she was born I didn't feel quite the way that I thought I would. Rather than being filled with the overwhelming love that you read/hear about, I mostly just felt tired and worried that she was going to suffocate on my chest since she couldn't hold her head up. I didn't cry or get overly emotional. When the nurses took her to clean her up and do tests, I was actually a little relieved, and I had no trouble giving her over to Motoaki and his mother and sister. I had kind of thought it might go this way, as I have never been one to get excited over things like my engagement or my wedding day, and figured it would get better over the next few days.
It didn't. In fact, in some ways it got worse. I could handle the no sleeping (this has long been one of my secret talents- one that served me well in college and at Camp Adventure), the crying, the diapers. But I couldn't handle the breast feeding (STOP READING NOW IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE TMI). She couldn't figure out nursing for the life of her (partially because I have flat nipples- there, now you know everything about me ) and for the first two days she didn't really eat. Finally they asked to give her formula and I okayed it but felt pretty crappy about it. Then one of the nurses found a special nipple shield that Robin would eat with, only it was a slow release shield that meant what would normally take a baby 40 minutes, would take her an hour- or two- or three. I think the record was the day when she nursed from 3:00-6pm straight. And even then I had to give her a bottle to make sure she gained weight. Though I was happy to be nursing, I was starting to resent it as well as it was always a fight to start and then took forever. Plus because she had lost weight we were having to wake her every three hours to eat. Basically all I was doing was feeding her in a hospital room. I wasn't allowing visitors because I was literally topless all day everyday and despite having Motoaki and his family drop by, I began to feel really isolated.
I also think that I really started processing my father's death as well as being reminded that my mom was dead and that just made me even more depressed (loading the ipod, in hindsight, was not the greatest idea- great for singing along but also great for cuing endless tears about my family, as I had always known it, ending).
Another part of the problem was that I had Robin on Sunday and then Motoaki's dad had spinal surgery on Monday in a hospital an hour away. This meant that his mother was now going every day to visit him and that Motoaki and his sister were the only two running the company. This also meant that Motoaki's mom and sister couldn't check on the dogs. So instead of staying with me at night as originally planned, Motoaki would come from about 7-12 and then go home. I actually suggested this since I worried about the dogs. Added to this were a bunch of other curve balls like one of Motoaki's coworkers father passing away, etc
It also didn't help to see all of these other people having babies and them being so happy about it. That sounds horrible, but I felt like if I said I was overjoyed I would be lying and that if I said I was depressed and hating motherhood that I would come off as a bad person.
So anyway, the first week of motherhood was not the best. Robin was a great baby (even now she rarely screams or freaks out) but I was just not feeling the whole mother thing. It sounds horrible, but I began to relate to people who gave their kids up for adoption. Or rather, I could see how it would be possible. Fair enough, I felt the same way when I had my first ultrasound at 6 weeks and saw blinking Lima bean. Rather than being overwhelmed by the miracle inside me, I thought that I could see how women got abortions without a second thought. I am not proud of these thoughts or saying that I would ever have an abortion/give a child up for adoption, but I do see how people do it.
The second week got a little better as I got to go home and see the dogs. Yeah, you read that right. People always tease me about how much I love the dogs, but they are just such a comfort to me. I really started crying uncontrollably when I saw them. After being in the hospital for a week and not getting to go outside at all, it was the best thing in the world to walk the dogs on the bike path along the river. I absolutely love that part of our house- that we are in town and yet so close to nature and, more specifically, a body of water.
Also, being home I had better internet access and I was able to talk a lot to the people in my Facebook group, the Momma Birds. All of us had babies due around the same time so we are all going through the same things. They were/are such a wealth of knowledge and support and made me feel stronger and more confident in what I was doing.
The third week I had visitors which was great as I got to speak English and just kind of be myself. And in hearing them get excited about Robin, I got more excited about her. I also went to book club which was very therapeutic. It made me realize that Robin wasn't 100% reliant on me (she stayed with Motoaki for the two hours that I was gone) which made me relax a lot more. I think that was part of my depression/anxiety- worrying that I was totally responsible for her well being and that I was failing.
The following week my sister and David came which helped too. Finally, I just began to relax about the whole thing. I feel bad that I started giving a lot more formula, but a happy mom makes a happy baby, right? And I seriously doubt she won't get into Harvard based on that fact alone. I know that with the second baby it will be better and I will be more relaxed and probably able to do it.
So yeah- probably not the post you expected and not that much about Japan. I will say that the biggest difference was obviously the language barrier. I had thought about the mental challenge of having to translate everything, but I hadn't thought about the mental challenge of having to translate everything at 3am when a nurse stopped by to see why my baby was freaking out. Also, though the support of the hospital staff was amazing and I enjoyed being able to relax/recover in the hospital, I do feel like it delayed our bond a little bit. With American parents you kind of get thrown into the deep end, having to take baby home pretty much on their second day of life. But in doing that you really have to step up and parent and face your fears.
It's been a month now and things are a lot better. Robin is fine and each day as she develops her personality, I begin to get just that much closer to her. I am sure that after a year I won't be able to remember or believe all of the feelings of detachment I felt in the first few weeks. In fact, even now I see that in some ways I was being a bit silly- a bit of a baby. But I wanted to write about them to let other new moms know that they weren't alone if they felt the same way.
Let me start by saying I was never one of those women who wanted a baby. I have always wanted kids with kids being the key word there. I am not a fan of infants and sadly, am still not. There is just so much stress and panic that goes with having/caring for a newborn. But let me back up.
I will say that getting pregnant and being pregnant was one of the easiest things I have ever done. OK- so not as easy as becoming a karaoke legend, but a lot easier than I thought or was led to believe it would be. For me the movies/stories are lies. I never threw up, I never had swollen ankles (except for the car ride back from DC), I had heartburn like once. I also never really felt the baby kick nor was I ever kept up by her moving. I would feel her shift or roll around, but that was about it. Even as I passed my due date it was really hard to feel that I was pregnant. Leading up to the birth I was swimming, walking, cleaning, and pretty much acting as if I wasn't pregnant.
Also, for the most part, labor was pretty easy too. Not easy, but not as bad as it could have been. I was worried about being able to do it without an epidural but I did do it and all while managing not to kill my husband or the hospital staff. I had actually gone in for an appointment on Saturday, December 1st feeling extremely normal. The Dr told me that I wasn't dilated at all and that since the baby didn't seem to be coming, we should schedule an induction. We told him we wanted to wait a little bit longer and we all agreed to meet again on Tuesday.
That afternoon we went shopping and then out for dinner with friends. That night I started cramping and by early morning (3am) I was having regular contractions. We headed to the hospital at 10 am only to be sent home again since I was only dilated at 1cm. We then went back (at the urging of Motoaki's mom since I was having contractions every 3 minutes) and stayed, having the baby at 9:23pm that night. It hurt, but I was able to push through it (pun intended) by pushing against Motoaki while he pushed back and by using the breathing I learned at the class in Iowa.
I will admit that when she was born I didn't feel quite the way that I thought I would. Rather than being filled with the overwhelming love that you read/hear about, I mostly just felt tired and worried that she was going to suffocate on my chest since she couldn't hold her head up. I didn't cry or get overly emotional. When the nurses took her to clean her up and do tests, I was actually a little relieved, and I had no trouble giving her over to Motoaki and his mother and sister. I had kind of thought it might go this way, as I have never been one to get excited over things like my engagement or my wedding day, and figured it would get better over the next few days.
It didn't. In fact, in some ways it got worse. I could handle the no sleeping (this has long been one of my secret talents- one that served me well in college and at Camp Adventure), the crying, the diapers. But I couldn't handle the breast feeding (STOP READING NOW IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE TMI). She couldn't figure out nursing for the life of her (partially because I have flat nipples- there, now you know everything about me ) and for the first two days she didn't really eat. Finally they asked to give her formula and I okayed it but felt pretty crappy about it. Then one of the nurses found a special nipple shield that Robin would eat with, only it was a slow release shield that meant what would normally take a baby 40 minutes, would take her an hour- or two- or three. I think the record was the day when she nursed from 3:00-6pm straight. And even then I had to give her a bottle to make sure she gained weight. Though I was happy to be nursing, I was starting to resent it as well as it was always a fight to start and then took forever. Plus because she had lost weight we were having to wake her every three hours to eat. Basically all I was doing was feeding her in a hospital room. I wasn't allowing visitors because I was literally topless all day everyday and despite having Motoaki and his family drop by, I began to feel really isolated.
I also think that I really started processing my father's death as well as being reminded that my mom was dead and that just made me even more depressed (loading the ipod, in hindsight, was not the greatest idea- great for singing along but also great for cuing endless tears about my family, as I had always known it, ending).
Another part of the problem was that I had Robin on Sunday and then Motoaki's dad had spinal surgery on Monday in a hospital an hour away. This meant that his mother was now going every day to visit him and that Motoaki and his sister were the only two running the company. This also meant that Motoaki's mom and sister couldn't check on the dogs. So instead of staying with me at night as originally planned, Motoaki would come from about 7-12 and then go home. I actually suggested this since I worried about the dogs. Added to this were a bunch of other curve balls like one of Motoaki's coworkers father passing away, etc
It also didn't help to see all of these other people having babies and them being so happy about it. That sounds horrible, but I felt like if I said I was overjoyed I would be lying and that if I said I was depressed and hating motherhood that I would come off as a bad person.
So anyway, the first week of motherhood was not the best. Robin was a great baby (even now she rarely screams or freaks out) but I was just not feeling the whole mother thing. It sounds horrible, but I began to relate to people who gave their kids up for adoption. Or rather, I could see how it would be possible. Fair enough, I felt the same way when I had my first ultrasound at 6 weeks and saw blinking Lima bean. Rather than being overwhelmed by the miracle inside me, I thought that I could see how women got abortions without a second thought. I am not proud of these thoughts or saying that I would ever have an abortion/give a child up for adoption, but I do see how people do it.
The second week got a little better as I got to go home and see the dogs. Yeah, you read that right. People always tease me about how much I love the dogs, but they are just such a comfort to me. I really started crying uncontrollably when I saw them. After being in the hospital for a week and not getting to go outside at all, it was the best thing in the world to walk the dogs on the bike path along the river. I absolutely love that part of our house- that we are in town and yet so close to nature and, more specifically, a body of water.
Also, being home I had better internet access and I was able to talk a lot to the people in my Facebook group, the Momma Birds. All of us had babies due around the same time so we are all going through the same things. They were/are such a wealth of knowledge and support and made me feel stronger and more confident in what I was doing.
The third week I had visitors which was great as I got to speak English and just kind of be myself. And in hearing them get excited about Robin, I got more excited about her. I also went to book club which was very therapeutic. It made me realize that Robin wasn't 100% reliant on me (she stayed with Motoaki for the two hours that I was gone) which made me relax a lot more. I think that was part of my depression/anxiety- worrying that I was totally responsible for her well being and that I was failing.
The following week my sister and David came which helped too. Finally, I just began to relax about the whole thing. I feel bad that I started giving a lot more formula, but a happy mom makes a happy baby, right? And I seriously doubt she won't get into Harvard based on that fact alone. I know that with the second baby it will be better and I will be more relaxed and probably able to do it.
So yeah- probably not the post you expected and not that much about Japan. I will say that the biggest difference was obviously the language barrier. I had thought about the mental challenge of having to translate everything, but I hadn't thought about the mental challenge of having to translate everything at 3am when a nurse stopped by to see why my baby was freaking out. Also, though the support of the hospital staff was amazing and I enjoyed being able to relax/recover in the hospital, I do feel like it delayed our bond a little bit. With American parents you kind of get thrown into the deep end, having to take baby home pretty much on their second day of life. But in doing that you really have to step up and parent and face your fears.
It's been a month now and things are a lot better. Robin is fine and each day as she develops her personality, I begin to get just that much closer to her. I am sure that after a year I won't be able to remember or believe all of the feelings of detachment I felt in the first few weeks. In fact, even now I see that in some ways I was being a bit silly- a bit of a baby. But I wanted to write about them to let other new moms know that they weren't alone if they felt the same way.
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