The In-Laws

I live about 15 minutes by car from the in-laws.  I get along with them pretty well (as well as we can with the language difference) and yet I hardly ever see them.  This is because my husband works with his father, mother, and sister almost every day.  His father started the company he works (an NPO that works with special needs adults including two centers where they can come everyday) for and, though he is retired, he has a lot of say in what goes on.  His mother retired as a care taker and now helps at the center doing a lot of odd jobs. And his sister, a nurse, comes to help with the people who have special physical needs.  Thus he doesn't feel the need to go over to their house after work or to invite them around to ours.  And I feel a bit weird just going to see them by myself.

But, seeing as we have been living in a new house since last September, I decided to invite them around for dinner last Sunday night.  It was his sister's birthday so I thought it would be something to do.  I say this with all due respect, but she doesn't have a lot of friends.  Or she does, but she doesn't get to see them often due to the fact that they are at that age where they are married with kids.  The other friends are all nurses so their hours are long/random.

At first I said I would make chili as it is something that is easy, delicious, and foreign (if it's their first time to try it, they can't compare it to anything else).  Motoaki said that just chili wouldn't be enough (even after I said that of course we would have bread and salad as well) so it was decided that I would make baked chicken with asparagus and yuzu dressing (a yuzu is like a lemon and I started using it when I wanted to try and make lemon chicken).  And, for good measure, he decided we had better heat up one of the pizzas we had gotten from Costco.  If you know Motoaki like I do, you would agree that he was probably just worried that HE wouldn't get enough to eat.

The day of the dinner I woke up late (after being out at trivia and drinking WAY too much beer) but wasn't pressured.  They wouldn't arrive until five and Motoaki didn't have work that day.  Our house is never messy, but it would need dusting, vacuuming, and a bit of sorting out in the living room.  We had time, but I wanted to get it done and then relaxed so I started urging Motoaki to help clean up at least he stuff.  He argued that it was Sunday and that we had plenty of time so he wanted to read the paper and eat first.  Fair enough, I thought and decided to take a bath and read a book.

He popped his head in to say he needed to go to another town but would gone for just an hour.

Why do men do this?  I have extremely clear memories of my father doing this exact thing.  Waiting until the day of whatever housework needs to be done and then remembering some errand that needed to be done.

I wasn't worried though- it was only 11am and an hour wouldn't be the end of the world.  I went about the day getting stuff ready and clean but not rushing because I knew Motoaki would be back to help out.

1pm came, then 2pm.  At 3pm I was a little miffed but nothing major.  But at 4 pm when Motoaki called to say not only was he still in the other town but that he would be late to dinner, I got angry.  I didn't yell at him but it made me mad that he said "an hour"  and it turned into a day.  Fair enough, if the tables were turned I wouldn't be too worried about my dad and sister coming over for a meal (well, if they lived in the same town).  But for me I was of course super nervous about Motoaki's family seeing the house for the first time, eating my food for the first time, seeing how well Finn behaves, etc.  They aren't the judging type (well, they never say anything to my face- and they always get me nice things and complement me), but still I want to impress them.

But, rock star that I am I got everything cleaned/ready and Motoaki beat his parents home by about 10 minutes.  Dinner went ok.  I hadn't taste tested the chili before serving (rookie mistake) and it didn't have nearly enough spice to it.  It tasted like oily water.  But they loved the other food and Motoaki had gotten cake for dessert.

His father was unusually quiet and insisted on going home right after we had finished cake, but he is like that everywhere he goes.  I think, too, he was bored as we spent a lot of time talking about Motoaki's mom and sister's recent trip to Paris.  He hadn't been invited (he never is- they don't really get along).  And I think he wasn't interested in what we had on the TV.  But he complemented us on our choice of couch (we have a big one from Ikea that is extremely comfy) and ate quite a bit.

Finn was the real surprise as he turned on the charm.  He is an ok little dog but he is STILL a puppy and can be quite annoying, especially when guests arrive.  He'll nip at their clothing and jump around like a mad man.  And he has taken to "exposing himself" to certain people that come over.  But for Motoaki's family he was quite calm.  Of course, part of it was due to the fact that they have 3 cats and no doubt smell strongly of them.  He was too busy sniffing to really be too crazy..  They even said that if their older cats passed away they would think about getting a little dog for the house.   The only dog they've had has been a big one that stayed in the yard. Of course the minute they left he took his cue to jump on top of the coffee table, run off with Motoaki's slipper, and start chewing on the living room curtain.

I'm lucky that Motoaki's family is not phased at all that I am a foreigner and that they seem generally to like me.  Like I always say, though, I think the relationship will change if/when any grandchildren show up on the scene, seeing as the west and east have different ways of child rearing...