So after the seriousness of the actual ceremony, we all left the house to go to a nearby ryokan (Japanese style hotel/resort) for lunch and onsen (hot spring/bath). We ate in a big tatami mat hall that had low tables so we sat on the floor. The lunch was a traditional Japanese one in that we started with a plate of various pickled vegetables and raw fish (sashimi). We then moved to grilled beef and vegetables and chawanmushi, a kind of egg pudding. Finally we had boiled shrimp and rice and tempura. This was also served with tea, water, juice and beer.
Now one of my biggest surprises in coming to Japan was how much the Japanese drink. Where I am from in America people drink at dinner but they don't drink to excess and it is rare to see someone drunk. In Japan, though, they seem to drink everyday and at every occasion. It is not unusual to see a man having a beer with his lunch on a train or to see a grandma enjoying sake. So of course this lunch was no exception.
Another custom with Japanese drinking is that you usually pour for the other person. The same goes for tea and juice. And during lunch parties like the one we have, people will get up from their table and go to other tables to pour drinks. If someone comes to you but your glass is full, you should drink a bit and let them give you a refill. Though people do this for juice and tea, it is most popular to go around with beer. Now Motoaki, his sister, and his parents are unusual in that none of them drink. Motoaki gets sick off it, his sister and mother aren't interested, and his dad is trying to stay off it. They will have a little bit if it is absolutely the custom (I think they drank at my wedding, they drink during toasts, they drink at new year's) but even then they will just have a sip and then switch to tea or ginger ale.
So at the party whenever our table got approached by an uncle or cousin wanting to pour drinks, everyone in Motoaki's family would say, "Oh, I'm not drinking today. But Jane is." In other words I became the DD, or the designated drinker, for the family. Luckily they only had beer and it was light. I went to another party awhile back where people were coming around with beer followed by sake followed by whisky.
The party started out fairly quiet as each family ate and talked quietly. Then there was a little excitement as Motoaki's uncle who had the ceremony at his house gave out tickets he had gotten from the horse race. We were all given a different number representing a different horse and we were told that the race would take place in Tokyo later on and that we would be able to check the results. The uncle would then pay us the money and cash in the tickets later. I was reminded of when my Grandpa Dwayne used to hand out pull tabs or scratch off lotto tickets at Christmas time. Due to the number of people, everyone had the same number as one other person, and Motoaki and his dad both got 13, which turned out to be the winning horse, and they each got about $30.
Anyway, the party was the usual family affair and a little boring for me since it was hard to follow all of the conversation. Then once the alcohol sat in I got a request from a table across the room to go and meet the police officer cousin and his family. Then all of the young or energetic family members crowded around that table to ask me all sorts of questions that are the usual for non-Japanese guests (where are you from, can you eat fish, when will you have a baby). I always say that if you have low self-esteem, move to Japan. Here I was, in a room of mini-skirt clad girls who all weighed about 110 pounds, being told, "Oh you are so cute! Your face is small and your eyes are green! And you are so smart to be able to say a sentence in Japanese and to be able to read at a kindergarten-level!" Again, though, a lot of this is also because Motoaki's family is very kind and opening. I was also free to practice Japanese and ask all sorts of things that I might be too shy to ask other Japanese people.
After everything was eaten and too much was drank, most people set off for the bath house. Though I enjoy these, I was a little too shy (and a little sleepy from the beer) to join in (they are naked bath houses) and was left with Motoaki's parents and the oldest uncles. At first I was a little mad at Motoaki for ditching me, but then it turned out great because I was able to ask more about Motoaki's mom and her siblings' childhoods. It always shocks me that, when I ask Motoaki questions about this, he knows nothing. I guess my family in America just talks to much. I just find it really interesting, though, because when Motoaki's mom was growing up, Japan was extremely different as she grew up when the war had just ended. She and her siblings were able to see Japan go from being defeated to a super power as far as wealth and technology. I was very surprised to hear from them that (supposedly) they didn't fight growing up.
After the others came back from the bath house we had numerous photos (one of each family, one of the siblings together, one of just the cousins, one of just the girls, etc) taken that hopefully I can get copies of soon. I was excited to hear that in June Motoaki's Kansai cousins are having an Osaka BBQ that they want me to join. They have the best camera so they took all of the pictures. I think I can get copies at the BBQ.
Since we had to drive the farthest, we were the first to leave. I was a little sad to have to go so early (we left around 3:30pm) but then excited to learn that we would be stopping in Costco on the way home since Motoaki's uncle lives near it. I didn't go quite so crazy because we had all of us in the car and because I didn't have so much money, but I did get a lot of nice cheese, dried cranberries, cheap sports socks, good meat, Dr Pepper, and a birthday gift for Ben's baby who will turn one this week. I am happy to say that I introduced Motoaki's mom to Costco and she LOVES it. She retired from being a nurse a few years ago and now works at Motoaki's center cooking lunch for the special needs adults. She uses Costco to stock up on a lot of staples they can use for lunch like sauces, juice, canned goods, etc.
It was a good weekend and definitely made me think that living in Japan long term won't be horrible. I have some worries about raising kids in the school system here, but I am happy to know that my kids can grow up with cousins to spend holidays and birthdays with.
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