So as you may have seen in my previous post that my dad passed away in November. I figure I owe him more than just a blurb in a review of the year. He was 62 years old and they found him sitting in the basement of one of our rental properties. We never got an autopsy but they think it could have been a stroke, heart attack, or complications from the insulin he had just started taking for diabeties. He looked peaceful and so we can pretty much say that he didn't suffer. In some ways it is comforting to know that he is with my mom now (who passed away in March of 2011). Whether you believe in that kind of thing or not, it is nice to think about. They had met in JHS and started dating in high school. They married their Jr year of college and were pretty much inseparable until she died.
On the other hand it wasn't a comfort to know that he was alone. To know that over the past year he had a somewhat strained relationship with us kids due to his choice to get engaged to a woman none of us really knew. For me personally we were on good terms at the moment but had been up and down over the past year. I had never really fought with my dad until all of this came about. Sure, he had been mad at me before (and I at him) but usually over things like slamming the doors too hard or forgetting to change the oil in my car. In our house dad was always the peacekeeper and it was mom we were at war with. Well, at least for my sister and me. It was hard to know that I never truly said that I was sorry and that I wouldn't get the chance to say it.
It was even more of a blow to not be at his funeral. I was able to watch part of it via an internet connection but not all of it. I am sure my dad understood but it still made me feel bad. It made me feel worse that only hymns were sung at his service. Not that I blame anyone who set up the order of events (that is never easy and this is the second time I hadn't really been able to help- I made it back for my mother's service the day before so while I had made suggestions, I hadn't done any of the leg work). It's just that, if you knew my dad, then you knew that one thing he loved more than anything else was to sing along to the radio. Actually, he and my mom both were big fans of pretty much singing non-stop (unfortunately for Morgan, Motoaki, and David this is something my siblings and I have inherited). They both loved musicals and "oldies" the best and on Saturdays dad would be in "the back room" singing along to the radio or his record player while mom would be in the kitchen singing along to the TV. I sent home suggestions for the service but none of them really worked as he liked sentimental love stuff best, such as The Lovin Spoonful's "Do You Believe in Magic," or The Fleetwoods "Mr. Blue." We thought about some stuff from Camelot, but his "fiance" turned it down...
On the other hand, we know that dad was happy with where his children were at in their lives. He had a ticket booked to come see Robin, his first grandchild, and was happy to know that my brother and his wife are expecting in July. He was also relieved to see my sister settled with a stable guy and didn't have to worry now that pretty much all three of his kids had houses and incomes.
I am thankful that I did get the chance to travel with him this summer to DC and NYC. It sounds bad but we were really lucky that my sister, brother, and dad's fiance didn't come along. It would have been great to have them, but it also would have meant that my dad and I would have talked less, and that Motoaki and my dad wouldn't have talked as much. As social as my dad was, he could be kind of quiet and if someone else had been there, he probably wouldn't have joined in on the conversation. I see that in Motoaki and that is one reason why we work so well.
It sounds weird, considering my husband is a Japanese social worker/surfer, but I do see a lot of my dad in him. They say that you marry your father and I think I did in some odd way. Motoaki is a lot of fun and can be really funny, but is often quiet with larger groups. Like my dad, he is a big dreamer, but needs someone to be there to get him to actually follow those dreams. My dad said that my mom would think of a destination and my dad would figure out how to get there. Motoaki and I are the same. And like my dad, Motoaki doesn't mind driving (which is kind of weird for a Japanese person- we went to Kyushu, the southern island in Japan, back when I didn't have a liscense so Motoaki was doing all of the long hours behind the wheel while I talked, sang, or read).
I hate that my dad won't get to meet Robin and or Toby's baby or that he won't be here to walk Maggie down the aisle. I hate that we will never have a chance to fully clear all of the tension we felt with each other this past year. But I am in some ways glad that I will never have to see him suffer, that I will never have to see him become old and unable to do the things he loved doing. He and my mom will both be remembered as the jet setters that they were, rather than as some senile great great relative that makes great grandchildren and nursing home staff uncomfortable.
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