My First Funeral in Japan: Part Two

So the day of the funeral I was actually too busy to be really upset in the morning.  This was because it was Halloween weekend and my friend was coming to visit from up north.  She had taken a night bus down and I had to pick her up at 6am in a town about 40 minutes from me.  Then, after getting back to my house and showing her the spare room, the bathroom, etc I was too awake to go back to sleep.  So I watched TV (WE GOT CABLE!!!) with Finn and just let my mind wander while she napped.  I then got ready to go and left her to the computer and the dog.

The funeral was in a town about 30 minutes from mine and the other teacher had told me that it was at a place called Cosmos Hall.  Because Cosmos is one of the words put in simple Japanese and also because it is a small town that I have been to countless times, I didn't look it up on the map and just asked the girl at the super market counter (I had to run in and buy black hose as all of mine are nude- the Japanese tend to be over dressed so thought I better not risk it) where it was.  It turned out to be in the opposite direction as to where I thought so I thanked her and left.

My Japanese is ok but since directions are hard in any language, I pulled off again and asked a guy directing parking at a farmers market where I needed to be.  He told me it was just up the hill so I thanked him and headed off.  I arrived at what turned out to be Cosmos Hill, aka a field full of flowers, and realized that this was where the supermarket girl had been thinking I was going to.  This amused me as I was in all black, it was raining, it was like 9am, and I was all alone.  I went back down the hill and showed the parking guy my money envelope.  He realized right away the mistake and began apologizing before getting me turned around.  By this time i was running on time as opposed to the early that I had wanted to be.  To add to this was the fact that every other block there was a sign for Cosmos something or other (I had forgotten that this town is famous for these flowers and that practically everything was named for them) and i kept getting off the main road only to find more flowers.  Finally I spotted a taxi carrying some students from my school (side note- what parent would send a student by themselves in a taxi to a funeral?!?) and followed that to the Cosmos Hall.  I had worried that I would be the last one there, but there were more cars in front of the taxi and more behind me all going to the same place.  There were too many people to find the teacher I had seen at the speech contest the day before but it was easy to spot my staff so I headed towards them.

The actual building was quite confusing.  It was actually two buildings connected by an overhead roof that you see at banks, drive throughs, etc.  In front of the first building was a table where people were signing and giving their money.  This was being run thankfully by more of my coworkers so they were able to tell me what to put where.  Still, I made a fool of myself by not knowing my address (I know the gist of it but couldn't remember what was what for the house number and the zip-code).  I had written it on a card in my purse but had not brought my purse as I didn't think I would need it.  Oh well, I guessed and I don't think it will matter.  Even if I am entitled to a thank you note/gift, it is unnecessary.  

After doing this I went opposite of the first building to stand with my staff under the overhead.  From where I stood I could see into the doors of both buildings and could make out that one seemed to be filled with people and flowers for the actual ceremony and that the other was more of a lounge for what I assume was used for family.  More and more people kept coming and, after giving their money, lining up outside the two buildings.  I saw a ton of former coworkers (in Japan teachers are transferred around so every year we lose about five teachers) but couldn't talk to them because of the somberness of the event.

After about an hour of this some chanting came on over a loud speaker but people still kept arriving and talking.  There didn't seem to be a start time.  I kept waiting to be told, "oh now we will go and sit," or, "the ceremony has begun" but honestly nothing changed. I seriously had no clue what was going on.  I thought that maybe the chanting was a prelude like music at church, but it was seriously going on for an hour.  Then all of the people outside (about 100 or so) made a long line to go into the building that had all of the flowers and what not.  I made out that we were going to be proceeding in to see the casket, and I got nervous because I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do once I got in there.  Luckily I was behind a younger English teacher so I knew I could ask her if faced with something really confusing.

Inside the room it was very dark and very smoky.  The actual room was set up like a western service with people on chairs, and I realized that we had been outside because the space wasn't big enough.  I was wandering why we didn't have it at the school, but maybe his family didn't expect so many students/staff.  We walked slowly down the aisle as each person took a moment in front of the casket before moving on to one of two small altars that had bits of incense burning in them.  I had read a story in my Japanese text book about an American who ate some sand stuff at a funeral because he thought other people were eating it when in fact they were just touching it  to their lips and eyes.  When it came my turn to stand in front of the incense I did nothing as I didn't want to do it wrong and offend anyone.  Also, I am of the belief that just like non-Catholics don't take communion at a Catholic service, as a non-Buddhist I shouldn't really take full part in things like this out of respect. 

The hardest part was that, after going up to the casket and standing by the incense, I had to go over to the immediate family and bow.  Of course they were pretty upset and I felt bad that they had to receive anyone at that time. I am thankful that in a western funeral we just put the family to the front and let them be.

After I went back outside everyone again lined up in front of the buildings as we listened to more chanting.  At one point the daughter spoke and then at another some uncle or other.  It was hard to hear and I couldn't understand most of it.  Then the casket was brought out and put in a hearse.  I am not sure, but i think that since people are cremated in Japan the family goes on to the place where that is performed similar to the family going to the cemetery in the west.  Then people just started to walk back to their cars and head home.

It was soooooo strange to not have any music or a speech by a priest/minister.  With cultural differences at other ceremonies (weddings, graduations,etc) I have often thought, 'Oh, that's weird/different,' but never before have I ever thought "I'm so glad I was raised in the west."  After that funeral, I was definitely thankful to the fact that, though my mother's service was pretty hard to get through, that there had been music, comforting words from a spiritual leader, and even some laughter.  I remember Motoaki saying that her funeral had felt bright to him and that he was surprised by how, when we were at the wake, people were a mixture of crying and chatting.  I think part of it is that in the west we have a bit more time before the funeral.  This man passed on Friday and was put to rest on Sunday, but my mom passed on Monday morning and was put to rest on Friday.

I know it is a cultural difference, and I respect that, but dear Lord if I die in Japan give me a western service.  With Motoaki I might just have to have two...

Sorry if this was a heavy post, but just really wanted to write about it.  I also rambled a bit.