On Sunday I went with Motoaki's family to his uncle's house in Ikeda (near Osaka) for a memorial ceremony marking the 13th anniversary of his grandmother's death. This was his mother's side of the family as she is from Osaka originally. I guess it is a normal custom for those who belong to a Tera (or Buddhist church) and that they also have one for the 33rd anniversary.
We got up EARLY and went to pick up his parents and sister. Though his family is really friendly, they are also REALLY quiet (except for the father but they always tell him to shut up as he can be rude or just plain annoying- not that I would know, I can't understand what he says really) so the two hour ride was pretty uneventful.
We got to Ikeda and it was pouring down rain. It's the rainy season in Japan and, due to some typhoons, the rain and wind are especially bad. Despite living the furthest away, we got there first. It was a little weird because I have seen these cousins more recently than Motoaki's family has. We went to see them last fall as a thank you for the gifts they sent for our wedding. So while everyone else was exclaiming how much everyone had grown, I wasn't phased. One interesting thing was that Motoaki's sister who is super shy and rarely talks to people outside of her family, ran right in and went off to her two guy cousin's rooms where, from the living room, we could hear a lot of exclaiming and laughing. Apparently the two guy cousins (one in his early 30's and one in his mid 20's) are big gamers and like anime, just like the sister, and they share the same interests over stuff.
While all of that excitement was going on, Motoaki, his parents, and I sat quietly drinking coffee and talking about the rain. Then Motoaki's cousins who live near Kansai showed up and it was his turn to get excited. When Motoaki graduated from University in Fukuyama he got a job in Osaka. Because he was new to the "big city" he spent the first year or so living with his cousins who live near Kansai. Because of this, he is really close to them and because they live near Kansai (the big international airport I always fly in and out of), we visit them a lot. I like this family as their daughters are in their late twenties and really outgoing. They also speak decent English and have traveled to America 3-5 times (although usually to Hawaii). They are extremely loud and always quick with a joke. Though I can't understand the words, they are so animated I can't help but laugh.
I guess I should stop and give a quick run-down of Motoaki's family.
His mother is the youngest of five- one sister and three brothers. The sister is the oldest and lives in Kobe. She came to our wedding but I didn't have much of a chance to talk to her. She is divorced, has no children, and due to some argument over religion, she didn't come to the ceremony. I get the feeling she is somewhat of a black sheep, though she and Motoaki's mom are close,
The oldest brother lives in Wakayama and has three children. This was my first time to meet him and his wife didn't come, due to health I think. He was quiet but relaxed, probably a bit shy because it was our first time to meet. His oldest son was the only kid who came. He is 48 and a police officer. His 20 year old daughter who also came (wearing the shortest black lace skirt you can imagine and knee high black stockings) is also a police officer in Osaka city- seriously the girl needs a TV show- although her style is the style you see all Japanese girls in. Not sure what the wife does, but she was really nice. at one point they told me that both the wife and daughter do kendo, a Japanese martial art that uses swords. Not at all what you would imagine with both of them having manicured nails, perfect hair, perfect make-up, etc
The second brother is the one who was hosting the party. I am not sure why, but the mother had been living with him when she passed. Maybe because he stayed closest to home? He looks just like Motoaki's mom and is sweet but also quiet. His wife is very nice and wants to know how she can improve her English. I suggested a gaijin boyfriend. They have three children, the two gaming unmarried sons (a bit of a growing problem in Japan) and a daughter who is married and has two little boys in elementary school. She definitely got the looks and the personality as her brothers spent the later part of the day smoking and playing games while she was going around talking to everyone and watching after her boys. Her husband was very nice and seems to be a big joker.
The third brother is the one that lives in Kansai and is the one with all of the personality. It is actually pretty weird because he looks JUST LIKE Motoaki. Especially with Motoaki's shaved head- it was all anyone said for the first half hour. This makes me happy because I can imagine Motoaki will be jolly and genki when he is old. His wife and daughters are definitely the life of the party (although Motoaki's father said that the one daughter drinks too much- this might be because she made a comment about him NOT drinking- I guess he used to be a big lush but has gone straight, but she said something along the line of her image of him will always be as drunk). They are both unmarried, though I am sure one has a serious boyfriend and is on the road to marriage as soon as the couple has more money. They kind of brag to the others about having met me so many times and they remember a lot about me. That sounds selfish of me, but what I am really trying to say is how they go out of their way to include me despite the fact that I can't carry on a difficult conversation. I think they really just love Motoaki (he's the big brother they never had and since he looks like the uncle, the son) and are happy I came along.
Anyway, it was really cool to see them all together as you could really see even the shy ones come out of their shell a bit as they started telling old stories and bringing up old jokes of childhood new year's parties and camping trips. Motoaki is a completely different person with these people. His immediate family is nice but SO quiet where, when they get with the extended family, they loosen up a lot. I also like the fact that none of the uncles seem to be like the grumpy old men you see in shops and on trains in Japan. They also refrain from making sexist jokes or comments as well (which, sadly, can still be expected from a lot of old relatives and coworkers here). They all continue to talk to me even though my Japanese is crap. The same for the aunts who are not at all picky or disapproving of the fact that I am not a Japanese house wife. I read horror stories on some blogs about mother-in-laws or sister-in-laws who are absolutely horrible- calling the non-Japanese wife fat or ugly. They didn't seem to judge me at all for wearing the completely wrong thing, but more on that in the next post...
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