No, I don't mean the kind of Saturday school that you see on The Breakfast Club (though they could use that here). I have been hearing from random people on Facebook and the Internet that the current prime minister wants to add a 6th day (Saturday) to the school week in Japan to increase teaching hours. You can read more about that here. Especially read the comments.
Anyway, I am pretty mellow when it comes to "cultural differences" in Japan. Sure I may vent about certain things on Facebook/my blog/around the dinner table but for the most part I respect that this is not America and I have to play by the rules. For example- the whole Robin can't have a middle name on her Japanese birth certificate. STUPID- but I respect that and just put it on her American forms/IDs. But when it comes to the education system I really do think that other countries have some "better" ideas. Not the best ideas, but better.
I don't think going to school an extra day a week is going to make a difference. A) the kids go to school seven days a week as it is for club and B) when they are in the classroom they aren't learning as much as they could be learning due to several factors. After working in the school system for four years and working with K-9th grades, here is what I would suggest. (And I know that I have mentioned this probably 100 times already, but it is current again).
1 Minimize break time for the days that they are in school.
Right now the students get 10 minutes between every class as well as a 20/30 minute break after lunch. And this is for JHS kids, too. They say it is to give the students a chance to relax so that they will better be able to focus in class, but really it is a time for teachers to take a break and for the students to run around screaming and wrestling. I do think there needs to be some sort of break, but 10 minutes is too long. If you cut down the break time you could add one more class a day, increasing the school day from 6 classes to 7.
In elementary I think they could cut down the break time (or allow no break time) and extend the morning recess. Rather than give them twenty minutes, give them thirty minutes with only five minute breaks elsewhere. The problem with the ten minute break between classes in ES is that the students just get into a game when it is time to pack it up and go back to class. This usually results in them taking a longer time to become focused because they are still thinking about the game they didn't finish over the break.
2 Introduce/increase discipline in the classroom to better maximize learning time.
One of the biggest culture shocks for every foreigner coming to Japan is how there is a lack of discipline in the classrooms. So many of us come to Japan expecting this rigid school system and yet it is in many ways much more relaxed than what we are used to in our own countries. There are some teachers who are able to "lay down the law" when it comes to keeping students on task, but so many are unable to due to a system that doesn't support them. Students are free to make rude comments, walk out of the classroom, sleep, "forget" their learning materials, etc Because it is impossible to fail or be held behind, and because most of them come to school/stay after school for club seven days a week anyway, there isn't really away to punish the students who are out of line other than to scream at them.
And because the students are to be treated fairly, their isn't a way to reward them either. Since they have this freedom it is really hard to keep them on task or to motivate them. You either get students who won't shut up so we learn nothing or you get students who refuse to speak up so we learn nothing. For example, when I was in school your grade was comprised of class participation, homework, and tests. So you could earn or lose points by how you acted in the classroom. I think that Japanese teachers keep track of this, but because they can't hold a student back there is really nothing they can do to the students who are disruptive or put forth no effort. Even
if they go an extra day they won't learn if students continue talking
over the teacher, walking around the classroom, coloring, coming to
class without books, etc
3 Split students into ability, not age.
OK, so I know that there are some bad things that come with dividing students up by ability, but there can be a lot of good. ESPECIALLY for students who have a higher ability than the others. For example, the first year of JHS all English students spend the first month or so learning the alphabet without exception. Never mind if the student can write/read paragraphs. This year we had a student in the 1st year of JHS that I taught privately in Tsuyama. I started teaching her in 2005 and every week we read and wrote the ABCs. As she moved up we went from the ABCs to words and later to books. This year she was put with every other student and made to repeat, "A,A,A B,B,B C,C,C" for a full class period. Talk about a waste of her time. I could understand leaving her be if she was the only kid in the class who had been taking private English lessons. But there were a dozen in each class who could do this (and more).
On the flip side you get the kid who has never seen the alphabet before forced to catch up with the rest of his class despite needing help. They do split the classes up sometimes by level, but the rule is that they all have to take the same test. So even if you wanted to go slower with the lower level group, you can't go at an actual pace that they need because they have to keep up with the regular test. Never mind if they have learning disabilities, were absent for an extended period of time, etc
Now Japanese people aren't stupid. They realize that there is a lot of gaps in what the students learn at school. So they send their kids to cram schools to be privately tutored so that they can either advance at a higher level or catch up to the level they are supposed to be at. This means that so many kids are already going to school on Saturday. Surely that should show Abe that introducing another day to the school week isn't the answer.
4 Cut down on the Mickey Mouse time spent "in school" but "out of the classroom."
OK- so Japanese kids go to school year round, but they aren't actually in the classroom year round. For example, the week before the sports festival Mon-Wed are half days (half in the classroom and half out on the sports field) and Thurs-Sat are full days (fully on the sports field). Though I agree that their needs to be some practice for the sports day, I don't understand why it can't be done in PE or kept to one day. Especially when the kids have been doing these sports days since nursery school. But oh no, we need a full day to practice lining up for races, marching around a track, etc
They also "get out early" or have shortened class periods an awful lot for unexplained reasons. I actually asked a teacher once, just because I was curious, why the classes were shortened that day and why they were missing sixth period, and she literally said,"I don't know."
Another thing is that, in the name of equality, the teachers will not let a class move forward if a small amount of students are missing. For example, one weekend there was a baseball tournament that didn't finish so on Monday all of the baseball students were missing from class (about 40 boys in a school of about 400 hundred students). So the teacher gave the class free time to catch up on homework, work ahead, etc because heaven forbid we move along without the 3 baseball boys. When I went to State Drill Team with the other girls on my team, our classes moved ahead without us and we were expected to make up the work on our own time. Which is only fair to all of the kids not on the drill team.
I hate to be so preachy, but there are so many things that could be fixed with the school system without adding another day to the school week. Teachers and students live busy enough lives as it is! I know America isn't perfect, but I do think the Japanese could learn some things from us. JUST as we could learn some things from Japan. Such as having students clean the schools, having strong classroom bonding, etc I know I am a hypocrite because I am sending my daughter to Japanese schools, but it is mostly so that she will have a strong base in Japanese culture and life. We fully intend to send her to the states for high school and possibly university (although that will be up to her). I think so many students are just getting an "average" education at school and getting everything else in private lessons when they could be getting a great education at school and getting life experience on their freetime.
Showing posts with label cultural differences. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cultural differences. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Quick Picking on American Food
Sorry for another delay in the Vietnam story but I have to get this off my chest. I am doing it on my blog because I really don't need to start a fight on Facebook with someone I don't know.
A few days ago a woman I know in Japan posted this on her page...
d) Though there is a pressure to be thin, it isn't as high as in Japan where many women skip meals and pregnant women are asked to diet.
e) Our genetic make-ups are different. My husband constantly over eats and never gains weight. I eat half of what he does and still pack on pounds.
f) We don't drink teas but instead stick to higher calorie drinks like sugar-filled coffee and cola.
Now I know foods like McDonald's, cheese pizza, and Taco Bell are greasy. But you could say the same for many popular Japanese foods. Have you ever eaten...
a) Gyudon- or beef bowls. Places like Yoshinoya and Sukiya pack a lot of calories for little nutrients.
b) Yaki-Niku- or BBQ I know they offer vegetables but most of the time I go out with Japanese friends we just end up ordering lots and lots of red meat and rice.
c) Ramen and Gyoza- fried dumplings These foods are delicious but filled with grease.
d) Tako-Yaki- Fried Octopus balls. A lot of batter and little octopus.
e) Katsudon- or fried pork cutlets Ebi Fry- fried shrimp Enough said.
f) Cup of Noodle, UFO, Instant Ramen My husband ate this for breakfast yesterday and whenever we have a "bring your own lunch to school" day, a lot of the male staff just eat this.
g) Yaki-Soba Sandwhich- a hot-dog bun filled with fried noodles. Carbs + Carbs
h) Curry Rice Places like Cocos Ichiban curry can't really be called non-greasey, can they...?
I don't criticize these fatty Japanese foods because I know that a lot of Japanese people don't eat them everyday. The same goes for Americans. I might be biased because I am from Iowa (aka farm country), but most of the people I know eat things like baked chicken, brown rice, and corn on the cob for dinner. Unlike Japan where karage (fried chicken) or stir-fry are common dinner foods, my mother never deep fried anything for dinner and rarely used a fry pan. If we wanted fried chicken, we had to go out because she wasn't going to cook it. When she made things like pork chops or roast, she would mostly serve them plain without sauce. She would add salt and herbs and maybe some water, but that was it. The same for her veggies. We regularly ate things like carrots, corn, and broccoli as is. We never got white bread, only wheat, and she wouldn't add butter to her sandwiches. We only drank skim milk and weren't allowed sugar cereals for breakfast.
Again, my family isn't the healthiest, but we aren't the worst and I get angry when Japanese make generalizations and cheeky comments about American food. One day at elementary school we had a fired pork sandwich, cabbage doused in vinegar, and strawberry mousse for lunch. One of the teachers said, "Oh look, it's an American lunch box." I couldn't help but say, "Actually, my American lunch boxes always had a cheese sandwich, carrot sticks, and an apple. Plus skim milk instead of whole." Japanese lunch boxes are low in calories because the tiny boxes don't pack much, but they are often filled with things like small hot dogs, fried rice, fried shrimp, fried egg, etc
When I used to bring my lunch to the Jr High all of the students made fun of me because I did things like eat broccoli raw, eat tofu without frying it or adding sauce, and because I didn't have an extra large carb like rice or bread. One woman said to me when I was eating the Japanese lunch, "Do you like Japanese food because it is the healthiest food in the world?" At the time we were eating salmon that had been fried with cheese on top, white rice, and vegetables soaked in vinegar and soy sauce. I said no, that I liked it because it was delicious.
I think the biggest surprise to my husband was when I went home for six months in 2008 and lost weight in America. I came back to Japan about 15 pounds lighter and I hadn't been on a crash diet in America, just ate normally and walked a lot at work. However, it only took about two months in Japan for me to put the weight right back on.
I know that American food is unhealthy and that Americans make unhealthy choices, but so do the Japanese. The world is full of stereotypes and I need to try harder to ignore them. But it can be hard when, living in a small town in Japan, it feels like me against everyone.
A few days ago a woman I know in Japan posted this on her page...
Should American food be given UNESCO World Heritage status?
She was referring to the fact that Japanese food is being considered (or has been chosen) to be given the status. A lot of people commented simply, "No." I said No because I don't feel American food is entirely original since most of our main dishes are based on foreign dishes where as Japanese food is unique to Japan. I felt fine with people saying NO.
But I got angry with the comment from one Japanese person that said, "No. American food is fatty and greasy. generally, most people from middle of the age in America are overweight." I really just want to respond to him with the old, pot calling the kettle black.
Now I will admit that I agree that a lot of Americans are overweight. However, I feel that there are a lot of other factors that contribute to this and that it is not based on American cuisine. I feel that Americans are overweight because,
a) We have larger portion sizes. Steaks the size of plates, spaghetti big enough for three people, colas bigger then your head. And let's not forget the Big Gulp!
b) We have cheap all you can eat buffets and free refills on soft drinks and juice.
c) We have poor public transportation and it isn't popular to ride a bike (or it's too cold to ride a bike). People spend long commutes in their cars, drinking and snacking.She was referring to the fact that Japanese food is being considered (or has been chosen) to be given the status. A lot of people commented simply, "No." I said No because I don't feel American food is entirely original since most of our main dishes are based on foreign dishes where as Japanese food is unique to Japan. I felt fine with people saying NO.
But I got angry with the comment from one Japanese person that said, "No. American food is fatty and greasy. generally, most people from middle of the age in America are overweight." I really just want to respond to him with the old, pot calling the kettle black.
Now I will admit that I agree that a lot of Americans are overweight. However, I feel that there are a lot of other factors that contribute to this and that it is not based on American cuisine. I feel that Americans are overweight because,
a) We have larger portion sizes. Steaks the size of plates, spaghetti big enough for three people, colas bigger then your head. And let's not forget the Big Gulp!
b) We have cheap all you can eat buffets and free refills on soft drinks and juice.
d) Though there is a pressure to be thin, it isn't as high as in Japan where many women skip meals and pregnant women are asked to diet.
e) Our genetic make-ups are different. My husband constantly over eats and never gains weight. I eat half of what he does and still pack on pounds.
f) We don't drink teas but instead stick to higher calorie drinks like sugar-filled coffee and cola.
Now I know foods like McDonald's, cheese pizza, and Taco Bell are greasy. But you could say the same for many popular Japanese foods. Have you ever eaten...
a) Gyudon- or beef bowls. Places like Yoshinoya and Sukiya pack a lot of calories for little nutrients.
b) Yaki-Niku- or BBQ I know they offer vegetables but most of the time I go out with Japanese friends we just end up ordering lots and lots of red meat and rice.
c) Ramen and Gyoza- fried dumplings These foods are delicious but filled with grease.
d) Tako-Yaki- Fried Octopus balls. A lot of batter and little octopus.
e) Katsudon- or fried pork cutlets Ebi Fry- fried shrimp Enough said.
f) Cup of Noodle, UFO, Instant Ramen My husband ate this for breakfast yesterday and whenever we have a "bring your own lunch to school" day, a lot of the male staff just eat this.
g) Yaki-Soba Sandwhich- a hot-dog bun filled with fried noodles. Carbs + Carbs
h) Curry Rice Places like Cocos Ichiban curry can't really be called non-greasey, can they...?
I don't criticize these fatty Japanese foods because I know that a lot of Japanese people don't eat them everyday. The same goes for Americans. I might be biased because I am from Iowa (aka farm country), but most of the people I know eat things like baked chicken, brown rice, and corn on the cob for dinner. Unlike Japan where karage (fried chicken) or stir-fry are common dinner foods, my mother never deep fried anything for dinner and rarely used a fry pan. If we wanted fried chicken, we had to go out because she wasn't going to cook it. When she made things like pork chops or roast, she would mostly serve them plain without sauce. She would add salt and herbs and maybe some water, but that was it. The same for her veggies. We regularly ate things like carrots, corn, and broccoli as is. We never got white bread, only wheat, and she wouldn't add butter to her sandwiches. We only drank skim milk and weren't allowed sugar cereals for breakfast.
Again, my family isn't the healthiest, but we aren't the worst and I get angry when Japanese make generalizations and cheeky comments about American food. One day at elementary school we had a fired pork sandwich, cabbage doused in vinegar, and strawberry mousse for lunch. One of the teachers said, "Oh look, it's an American lunch box." I couldn't help but say, "Actually, my American lunch boxes always had a cheese sandwich, carrot sticks, and an apple. Plus skim milk instead of whole." Japanese lunch boxes are low in calories because the tiny boxes don't pack much, but they are often filled with things like small hot dogs, fried rice, fried shrimp, fried egg, etc
When I used to bring my lunch to the Jr High all of the students made fun of me because I did things like eat broccoli raw, eat tofu without frying it or adding sauce, and because I didn't have an extra large carb like rice or bread. One woman said to me when I was eating the Japanese lunch, "Do you like Japanese food because it is the healthiest food in the world?" At the time we were eating salmon that had been fried with cheese on top, white rice, and vegetables soaked in vinegar and soy sauce. I said no, that I liked it because it was delicious.
I think the biggest surprise to my husband was when I went home for six months in 2008 and lost weight in America. I came back to Japan about 15 pounds lighter and I hadn't been on a crash diet in America, just ate normally and walked a lot at work. However, it only took about two months in Japan for me to put the weight right back on.
I know that American food is unhealthy and that Americans make unhealthy choices, but so do the Japanese. The world is full of stereotypes and I need to try harder to ignore them. But it can be hard when, living in a small town in Japan, it feels like me against everyone.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Babying Kids
OK, I am going to have a bit of a rant about the absolute BS that happens with Japanese students. Or actually, with the way that they are treated by the Japanese staff. In the west we have this concept that the kids are extremely well behaved and the rules are really harsh, but I find it to be quite the opposite and sometimes it drives me INSANE!
OK- on one hand Japanese kids are quite mature and are quite limited in their freedom. They have to wear uniforms and at my school that includes the shoes they wear. About the only thing they can choose is their socks and belts. They aren't allowed to wear jewelry (earrings are a definite no-no, but some kids do get away with necklaces and bracelets) and they can't wear bright hair clips, bows, etc They have to help clean the school, have to say excuse me when entering and exiting the staff room, they have to come to school on random Saturdays and don't really get much in the way of breaks between school years and at holidays.
BUT IN THE CLASSROOM they are treated like infants. If a kid is sleepy, he will feel free to just sleep. It is perfectly OK for them to never bring their book to class or to always forget their homework. They get ten minute breaks between every class and a longer break after lunch. If they don't want to answer, they don't have to. Because they are automatically passed on to the next grade (as in they don't hold anyone back) it is quite possible for them to NEVER come to class and still graduate (as proven by one of the 3rd year graduates last weekend).
All of that is pretty frustrating. But what really frustrates me is when the students are not pushed to try. A lot of students have amazing ability but they don't excel because no one is there to push them on. Not that we want to beat the students into learning, but a little push would help.
What set me off on this rant was last week when an elementary 6th grader was asked, "What's your name?" he replied in Japanese, "I don't know," and the teacher said, "I'm sorry, he can't speak English." I would have understood if he had been really young or if he had been special needs. I would have also understood if the question had been one of the more difficult ones like, "What do you want to be?" or "Do you have a cat?" BUT SERIOUSLY!! I ask "What's your name?" at the kindergarten and all of the kids jump up to tell me right away.
I also would have understood if this had been outside of the class. But this was in the class and about five other students had already answered the question. The teacher translated for him, and his friends did as well, but when I asked again, the kid continued to say he couldn't understand English, and the teacher continued to say sorry, he wasn't good at English. When I think about the teachers I know in the States, I know they would have told the kid to stop messing around and to answer the question.
Now, again, I don't want to bully the kids into speaking English, but in letting them get away with, "I don't know," you are basically letting them get away with not trying, and as a result, they miss out on the chance to really learn.
As a child I hated it when my dad tried to teach me to ride a bike. I, like all kids, fell down and was really frustrated with the whole thing. Because one doesn't need to learn how to ride a bike, my dad left it. Then three years down the rode at school when the police officer came to school to teach us bike safety, I was ashamed to be basically the only kid in the 4th grade who couldn't ride a bike.
With this elementary school kid, all I can think about is how, because he wasn't asked to practice in the lower grades, he is going to be really behind in Jr High and will eventually end up hating English and all English teachers. Like riding a bike, he doesn't really need to learn English in the grand scheme of things. BUT he does need it to get into a good high school. I would hate to have him look back in regret at all of the time he wasted.
Now I don't want to come off as too crazy. There is a chance that this kid will go to Jr high and be fine. But this whole practice of letting the kids pretend they don't understand can be found in all of the lessons, and it seriously limits what we can do. For example, when we were practicing, "Who is the ~est in the class?" I asked about who was the oldest. When the kids said they didn't know, I asked about who had an April birthday (sine the school year starts in April kids with April birthdays are the oldest). When no one answered, I moved on to May. The teacher then told me that, "The kids are too shy to answer about their birthdays so we can't discuss the question." What complete and total BS!!
To put a positive spin on this, at another school there is one student who is extremely special needs. Sorry I don't know the PC terms to describe him. I think he is autistic and for the most part, he is in his own world. He has a teaching aid with him and he comes to English class, but I don't really think he knows what is happening. In most classes I think he would be just left to the side as he doesn't understand even simple games like fruit basket or high card. But the teaching aid doesn't give up.
Every day in class she repeats the English over and over with him. When we do a writing exercise, she writes it out and has him trace her letters (and this is in elementary where I am told to not even do writing with the high level students- I am asked to wait until Jr high which is even more BS). When we are playing Rock Scissors Paper, she grabs him by the shoulders and has him face his opponents. She does let him bring story books for when we are doing long explanations or CD listening, but she also makes him do the English book. In all reality, this kid can barely speak Japanese so the idea of him speaking a foreign language is a STRETCH! And yet, no matter what, she does not allow him to not try, and because of that he has small victories. Two weeks ago at the elementary he said Good morning to me in the staff room. And when she told him it was time for English class one day, he picked up the English book. She pushes him because she cares enough to not give up on him- she knows he can be more then what he is now. In seeing his progress, it makes me sad and extremely annoyed when perfectly able children are allowed to settle for less.
America is not perfect in its education. And I am by no means a perfect teacher. But seriously Japan, why are you selling these children short of their futures???
OK- on one hand Japanese kids are quite mature and are quite limited in their freedom. They have to wear uniforms and at my school that includes the shoes they wear. About the only thing they can choose is their socks and belts. They aren't allowed to wear jewelry (earrings are a definite no-no, but some kids do get away with necklaces and bracelets) and they can't wear bright hair clips, bows, etc They have to help clean the school, have to say excuse me when entering and exiting the staff room, they have to come to school on random Saturdays and don't really get much in the way of breaks between school years and at holidays.
BUT IN THE CLASSROOM they are treated like infants. If a kid is sleepy, he will feel free to just sleep. It is perfectly OK for them to never bring their book to class or to always forget their homework. They get ten minute breaks between every class and a longer break after lunch. If they don't want to answer, they don't have to. Because they are automatically passed on to the next grade (as in they don't hold anyone back) it is quite possible for them to NEVER come to class and still graduate (as proven by one of the 3rd year graduates last weekend).
All of that is pretty frustrating. But what really frustrates me is when the students are not pushed to try. A lot of students have amazing ability but they don't excel because no one is there to push them on. Not that we want to beat the students into learning, but a little push would help.
What set me off on this rant was last week when an elementary 6th grader was asked, "What's your name?" he replied in Japanese, "I don't know," and the teacher said, "I'm sorry, he can't speak English." I would have understood if he had been really young or if he had been special needs. I would have also understood if the question had been one of the more difficult ones like, "What do you want to be?" or "Do you have a cat?" BUT SERIOUSLY!! I ask "What's your name?" at the kindergarten and all of the kids jump up to tell me right away.
I also would have understood if this had been outside of the class. But this was in the class and about five other students had already answered the question. The teacher translated for him, and his friends did as well, but when I asked again, the kid continued to say he couldn't understand English, and the teacher continued to say sorry, he wasn't good at English. When I think about the teachers I know in the States, I know they would have told the kid to stop messing around and to answer the question.
Now, again, I don't want to bully the kids into speaking English, but in letting them get away with, "I don't know," you are basically letting them get away with not trying, and as a result, they miss out on the chance to really learn.
As a child I hated it when my dad tried to teach me to ride a bike. I, like all kids, fell down and was really frustrated with the whole thing. Because one doesn't need to learn how to ride a bike, my dad left it. Then three years down the rode at school when the police officer came to school to teach us bike safety, I was ashamed to be basically the only kid in the 4th grade who couldn't ride a bike.
With this elementary school kid, all I can think about is how, because he wasn't asked to practice in the lower grades, he is going to be really behind in Jr High and will eventually end up hating English and all English teachers. Like riding a bike, he doesn't really need to learn English in the grand scheme of things. BUT he does need it to get into a good high school. I would hate to have him look back in regret at all of the time he wasted.
Now I don't want to come off as too crazy. There is a chance that this kid will go to Jr high and be fine. But this whole practice of letting the kids pretend they don't understand can be found in all of the lessons, and it seriously limits what we can do. For example, when we were practicing, "Who is the ~est in the class?" I asked about who was the oldest. When the kids said they didn't know, I asked about who had an April birthday (sine the school year starts in April kids with April birthdays are the oldest). When no one answered, I moved on to May. The teacher then told me that, "The kids are too shy to answer about their birthdays so we can't discuss the question." What complete and total BS!!
To put a positive spin on this, at another school there is one student who is extremely special needs. Sorry I don't know the PC terms to describe him. I think he is autistic and for the most part, he is in his own world. He has a teaching aid with him and he comes to English class, but I don't really think he knows what is happening. In most classes I think he would be just left to the side as he doesn't understand even simple games like fruit basket or high card. But the teaching aid doesn't give up.
Every day in class she repeats the English over and over with him. When we do a writing exercise, she writes it out and has him trace her letters (and this is in elementary where I am told to not even do writing with the high level students- I am asked to wait until Jr high which is even more BS). When we are playing Rock Scissors Paper, she grabs him by the shoulders and has him face his opponents. She does let him bring story books for when we are doing long explanations or CD listening, but she also makes him do the English book. In all reality, this kid can barely speak Japanese so the idea of him speaking a foreign language is a STRETCH! And yet, no matter what, she does not allow him to not try, and because of that he has small victories. Two weeks ago at the elementary he said Good morning to me in the staff room. And when she told him it was time for English class one day, he picked up the English book. She pushes him because she cares enough to not give up on him- she knows he can be more then what he is now. In seeing his progress, it makes me sad and extremely annoyed when perfectly able children are allowed to settle for less.
America is not perfect in its education. And I am by no means a perfect teacher. But seriously Japan, why are you selling these children short of their futures???
Graduation
Last Saturday was the Jr High graduation. I had been to this ceremony two years ago, but didn't really remember all of it. I also missed the one last year due to being at home.
In Japan the children go to kindergarten and then elementary school from first to sixth grade. They then start over in Jr high as first graders and graduate when they are third graders. After Jr high they go to different high schools based on different tests they took, and though some will still be with a few friends, they are pretty split up. So Jr high graduation is kind of a big deal as it is the last time they are all together and for some, the last time they are going to school in their hometown. If students aren't very good at school, they might not even go on to high school or might attend a tech school. Before you get all shocked, let me say that they are 15 years old when they graduate Jr high, not 13 like I was when I graduated Jr high.
Anyway, in Japan they have ceremonies for everything and they have graduation ceremonies for everything. They are all made out to be these serious events, but because there are so many of them they end up being more of a hassle than a big deal (sorry if I am offending anyone). At the school I teach at, aside from parents, not many people come to the graduation and even then not everyone had parents come. Also, you don't see many siblings or grandparents like you would in America. People are always on the go in Japan so a lot of times people want to come but can't because of work, house responsibilities, etc
The ceremony itself was quite boring and somber. The adults all wore their best black suits and the students wore the same uniforms they had been wearing the past three years. I was a rebel in that I had a dark pink shirt with my black suit, but I just really didn't want to feel like I was going to a funeral. We had speeches from the principal and then two members of the city hall, and though my Japanese isn't the best, I am pretty sure not a single joke was told.
Four 2nd graders stood up and shared memories of the 3rd graders while a girl played a slow song on piano, and then the underclassmen sang a song. It was a nice song, but the set-up was really weird. In the gym there was a stage and then chairs lined up in rows facing it. The 3rd graders sat closest to the stage with the underclassmen behind them and the parents behind the underclassmen. The teachers sat to one side and the "guests" (city council workers, BOE members, elementary school principals, etc) sat on another side. When the underclassman sang, rather than go up and face the 3rd graders, they just stood behind them and sang to the 3rd graders' backs.
Later four 3rd graders stood up and shared memories about the past year. Again, not a joke was told and almost all of them cried. Yes it is a sad time, but it is also an exciting time. At one point each 3rd grader stood up and said, "Here" when their name was called, but, except for the leader of each class, none of them went on stage or even turned around so that their parents could get a good picture.
I shouldn't always insist on comparing things to "America," but it makes me a little sad/annoyed that what should be such a fun experience is so boring/somber. I don't know why they couldn't do skits, wear their own choice of fancy dress, go up and receive some sort of paper or at least turn around for a photo op. for the parents. Though my high school graduation was sad, I also remember all the fun of hearing classmate speeches, throwing our hats in the air at the end, hearing a guest speaker we selected, selecting the outfit I would wear under my robe, etc
The worst part was, after the ceremony the 3rds graders met with their different clubs and were given gifts from the underclassmen. Then, after about an hour, it was announced on the loudspeaker that they needed to leave. After they were gone, the underclassmen and staff ate a rushed lunch and then hurried out to club practice or to start working on things for class the next week. It was like, "Well, that's done. Time to move on." Part of it is the fact that in Japan there isn't really a break between the school years and so things are busy all year round.
In the west during the weekend of graduation my parents, who were teachers, went from house to house where families were hosting parties for the graduates. Even for Jr high graduation (which is not a big deal at all), we had a cake at my house and family and neighbors came over to celebrate. I wonder if the graduates did anything with their families... I especially feel bad for those students who aren't going on to any higher form of education... For this to be it seems a little sad.
In Japan the children go to kindergarten and then elementary school from first to sixth grade. They then start over in Jr high as first graders and graduate when they are third graders. After Jr high they go to different high schools based on different tests they took, and though some will still be with a few friends, they are pretty split up. So Jr high graduation is kind of a big deal as it is the last time they are all together and for some, the last time they are going to school in their hometown. If students aren't very good at school, they might not even go on to high school or might attend a tech school. Before you get all shocked, let me say that they are 15 years old when they graduate Jr high, not 13 like I was when I graduated Jr high.
Anyway, in Japan they have ceremonies for everything and they have graduation ceremonies for everything. They are all made out to be these serious events, but because there are so many of them they end up being more of a hassle than a big deal (sorry if I am offending anyone). At the school I teach at, aside from parents, not many people come to the graduation and even then not everyone had parents come. Also, you don't see many siblings or grandparents like you would in America. People are always on the go in Japan so a lot of times people want to come but can't because of work, house responsibilities, etc
The ceremony itself was quite boring and somber. The adults all wore their best black suits and the students wore the same uniforms they had been wearing the past three years. I was a rebel in that I had a dark pink shirt with my black suit, but I just really didn't want to feel like I was going to a funeral. We had speeches from the principal and then two members of the city hall, and though my Japanese isn't the best, I am pretty sure not a single joke was told.
Four 2nd graders stood up and shared memories of the 3rd graders while a girl played a slow song on piano, and then the underclassmen sang a song. It was a nice song, but the set-up was really weird. In the gym there was a stage and then chairs lined up in rows facing it. The 3rd graders sat closest to the stage with the underclassmen behind them and the parents behind the underclassmen. The teachers sat to one side and the "guests" (city council workers, BOE members, elementary school principals, etc) sat on another side. When the underclassman sang, rather than go up and face the 3rd graders, they just stood behind them and sang to the 3rd graders' backs.
Later four 3rd graders stood up and shared memories about the past year. Again, not a joke was told and almost all of them cried. Yes it is a sad time, but it is also an exciting time. At one point each 3rd grader stood up and said, "Here" when their name was called, but, except for the leader of each class, none of them went on stage or even turned around so that their parents could get a good picture.
I shouldn't always insist on comparing things to "America," but it makes me a little sad/annoyed that what should be such a fun experience is so boring/somber. I don't know why they couldn't do skits, wear their own choice of fancy dress, go up and receive some sort of paper or at least turn around for a photo op. for the parents. Though my high school graduation was sad, I also remember all the fun of hearing classmate speeches, throwing our hats in the air at the end, hearing a guest speaker we selected, selecting the outfit I would wear under my robe, etc
The worst part was, after the ceremony the 3rds graders met with their different clubs and were given gifts from the underclassmen. Then, after about an hour, it was announced on the loudspeaker that they needed to leave. After they were gone, the underclassmen and staff ate a rushed lunch and then hurried out to club practice or to start working on things for class the next week. It was like, "Well, that's done. Time to move on." Part of it is the fact that in Japan there isn't really a break between the school years and so things are busy all year round.
In the west during the weekend of graduation my parents, who were teachers, went from house to house where families were hosting parties for the graduates. Even for Jr high graduation (which is not a big deal at all), we had a cake at my house and family and neighbors came over to celebrate. I wonder if the graduates did anything with their families... I especially feel bad for those students who aren't going on to any higher form of education... For this to be it seems a little sad.
Monday, February 20, 2012
I Fought the Law...Twice!
OK, not really. Just trying to stir up more drama with the title. But I did have run-ins with the police twice this month which was a first.
On the way to the Three Records Party in Hiroshima I got pulled over for speeding on the toll-road (like an interstate). I was going 109 kph in a 80 kph zone. Dame dame dame! (For you back at home, that would be 67 mph in a 49 mph- and this is a two lane roadway!!! and dame is the Japanese word for forbidden or really bad). I was a little upset because you NEVER see police and everyone else was going just as fast, but what can you do.
At first when the police car showed up, we weren't even sure if it was for us since we didn't seem to be going so fast. And then when pulled over it took awhile for the guy to come to the car as there are no shoulders on the toll-way and we were basically just parked in the lane. When the police officer asked me to step out and get in the police car (safer than having him stand in the middle of the road), I was nervous about the price of the ticket but not really worried about actually getting stopped. I have never been one to cry in these type of situations (except for maybe the first time I got stopped speeding when I was about 17). I guess my friends in the car were more shaken than I was. I was also nervous that there would be trouble as I haven't changed the name and address on my license yet, but figured I could I always play dumb.
In the car the police men (two guys) started asking if I realized I was speeding, did I realize the limit, etc I knew I was in the wrong so I answered politely that yes I understood. They then told me that I would have to pay 18000yen (or $225) and that I was lucky because if I had been going 115 kph, it would have jumped up to 24000yen (or $300). Definitely luckily but still sucked...
And then, as always seems to be the case in Japan, one police man started to write up the paperwork as the other man started asking, "So, a lot of snow in Maniwa (the city where I live)? How about in the US? Do you eat raw fish? Do you use chopsticks? Where are you going? Oh, Hiroshima! Be sure to visit the peace museum!" to which the guy doing the paperwork started in with, "And eat Hiroshima okonomiyaki (like pizza...)! And visit the deer island if you get a chance! They have wonderful sweets!" Seriously took an extra 10 minutes because of all the chit chat.
They didn't notice that the name and address were wrong and my license, and the only really worrisome part was when they asked me to fingerprint next to my name. But I guess that makes sense as a way for me to prove it is me.
They then walked me back to the car and cheerfully wished me a good time in Hiroshima. Not a bad situation at all, despite the fine.
So I went on my way and put the whole ordeal behind me. I had about a week to pay the ticket and could do so at any post office. I was in Hiroshima all weekend and then headed off to Sendai early the next week so I left paying the ticket until the day it was due. A little reckless, but still within my rights.
Unfortunately when I went to the post office after work on the day of the payment, I was informed that yes I could pay it at that post office but that I would have to pay it before 4. I had gotten there at 4:20. In Japan there is a bank part to the post office and this closes at 4, which I knew, but I had assumed you payed at the letter/mail area since the ticket needed to be sent. I pleaded with them but they said that I would just have to wait for a new ticket to come to my house. They said not to worry- there would be a charge, but only about 800yen ($10).
I wasn't worried about the charge but I was worried that the ticket didn't have my real name or my new address. When I explained this to the post office, they told me to go to the local police station and talk to them. I should have just let it go and not paid it, but I didn't want this becoming a big deal later on.
So I went to the police station and got ready for a stern talking to about making sure my papers/licenses were always up to date and on about not speeding. But the two police men couldn't have been nicer. I guess I should mention that when I say police station, I actually mean police box which is actually an "outpost." Police boxes are little one-two room buildings where people can come in to report small crime, ask for directions, etc They are actually one of the reasons Japan seems so safe.
Anyway, if I had been at a big station I might have been greeted with some grumpy officers, but these guys didn't have much to do. So rather than lecture me for being an idiot (because really, all of this is totally my fault and a little ridiculous), they were overly nice. Gave me coffee, called the number and got the address change sorted out, and of course asked the usual, "So, a lot of snow in Maniwa? How about in the US? Do you eat raw fish? Do you use chopsticks? Where were you going when you got the ticket? Oh, Hiroshima! Did you visit the peace museum? Did you eat Hiroshima okonomiyaki? Did you go to the deer island? How about those sweets?"
As much as I was frustrated by the whole idea that 67mph is speeding, I must say Japan is the best in customer service. I doubt Motoaki would be treated as warmly if he was pulled over in the states and spoke only broken English! It's probably because I am in the countryside and probably because they are racist enough to think, "Poor foreigner, she is too dumb to read our signs and read her address!" but I'll take it!
On the way to the Three Records Party in Hiroshima I got pulled over for speeding on the toll-road (like an interstate). I was going 109 kph in a 80 kph zone. Dame dame dame! (For you back at home, that would be 67 mph in a 49 mph- and this is a two lane roadway!!! and dame is the Japanese word for forbidden or really bad). I was a little upset because you NEVER see police and everyone else was going just as fast, but what can you do.
At first when the police car showed up, we weren't even sure if it was for us since we didn't seem to be going so fast. And then when pulled over it took awhile for the guy to come to the car as there are no shoulders on the toll-way and we were basically just parked in the lane. When the police officer asked me to step out and get in the police car (safer than having him stand in the middle of the road), I was nervous about the price of the ticket but not really worried about actually getting stopped. I have never been one to cry in these type of situations (except for maybe the first time I got stopped speeding when I was about 17). I guess my friends in the car were more shaken than I was. I was also nervous that there would be trouble as I haven't changed the name and address on my license yet, but figured I could I always play dumb.
In the car the police men (two guys) started asking if I realized I was speeding, did I realize the limit, etc I knew I was in the wrong so I answered politely that yes I understood. They then told me that I would have to pay 18000yen (or $225) and that I was lucky because if I had been going 115 kph, it would have jumped up to 24000yen (or $300). Definitely luckily but still sucked...
And then, as always seems to be the case in Japan, one police man started to write up the paperwork as the other man started asking, "So, a lot of snow in Maniwa (the city where I live)? How about in the US? Do you eat raw fish? Do you use chopsticks? Where are you going? Oh, Hiroshima! Be sure to visit the peace museum!" to which the guy doing the paperwork started in with, "And eat Hiroshima okonomiyaki (like pizza...)! And visit the deer island if you get a chance! They have wonderful sweets!" Seriously took an extra 10 minutes because of all the chit chat.
They didn't notice that the name and address were wrong and my license, and the only really worrisome part was when they asked me to fingerprint next to my name. But I guess that makes sense as a way for me to prove it is me.
They then walked me back to the car and cheerfully wished me a good time in Hiroshima. Not a bad situation at all, despite the fine.
So I went on my way and put the whole ordeal behind me. I had about a week to pay the ticket and could do so at any post office. I was in Hiroshima all weekend and then headed off to Sendai early the next week so I left paying the ticket until the day it was due. A little reckless, but still within my rights.
Unfortunately when I went to the post office after work on the day of the payment, I was informed that yes I could pay it at that post office but that I would have to pay it before 4. I had gotten there at 4:20. In Japan there is a bank part to the post office and this closes at 4, which I knew, but I had assumed you payed at the letter/mail area since the ticket needed to be sent. I pleaded with them but they said that I would just have to wait for a new ticket to come to my house. They said not to worry- there would be a charge, but only about 800yen ($10).
I wasn't worried about the charge but I was worried that the ticket didn't have my real name or my new address. When I explained this to the post office, they told me to go to the local police station and talk to them. I should have just let it go and not paid it, but I didn't want this becoming a big deal later on.
So I went to the police station and got ready for a stern talking to about making sure my papers/licenses were always up to date and on about not speeding. But the two police men couldn't have been nicer. I guess I should mention that when I say police station, I actually mean police box which is actually an "outpost." Police boxes are little one-two room buildings where people can come in to report small crime, ask for directions, etc They are actually one of the reasons Japan seems so safe.
Anyway, if I had been at a big station I might have been greeted with some grumpy officers, but these guys didn't have much to do. So rather than lecture me for being an idiot (because really, all of this is totally my fault and a little ridiculous), they were overly nice. Gave me coffee, called the number and got the address change sorted out, and of course asked the usual, "So, a lot of snow in Maniwa? How about in the US? Do you eat raw fish? Do you use chopsticks? Where were you going when you got the ticket? Oh, Hiroshima! Did you visit the peace museum? Did you eat Hiroshima okonomiyaki? Did you go to the deer island? How about those sweets?"
As much as I was frustrated by the whole idea that 67mph is speeding, I must say Japan is the best in customer service. I doubt Motoaki would be treated as warmly if he was pulled over in the states and spoke only broken English! It's probably because I am in the countryside and probably because they are racist enough to think, "Poor foreigner, she is too dumb to read our signs and read her address!" but I'll take it!
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Schools in Japan
I don't have kids yet and I think it will still be a little while before I have kids. Still, recently I have been thinking a lot about what I will do if and when they come along as far as their education. Part of this is due to other blogs I have been reading about foreign women married to Japanese men, and also due to things like buying a house and now actually knowing where my kids will go to school. It may seem a little premature, but it is something that I take seriously.
I would say that probably the one thing that could make me move from Japan is the Japanese school system. This was definitely something I considered when my husband and I were house hunting. I teach at the five elementary schools in town and while all of them have their ups and downs, I definitely have my favorites and know which ones I would like my kids to attend. Some are as small as only having 18 kids in the whole school and some are as big as having two sections of about 38 kids in a class. Though there are good and bad things in both, I definitely prefer the small ones. This is partially due to the fact that I myself went to a small school (85 kids in my graduating class) and because of a cultural difference in education.
One of the biggest cultural differences for me is the fact that in Japan they really don’t like to separate kids when it comes to different learning ability. There are great things to be said about, “everyone learning together, etc” but I just worry that slow kids fall behind and become shy and that smart kids get bored and act out. Where I am from, starting as young as elementary 1st grade we were split for reading and then in about 3rd grade we were split for math. My school had three homerooms so one teacher would take a high group, one a middle, and one a low group. Even then we were sometimes split up even more for reading. The groups were determined by a test at the beginning of terms and you were allowed to retake the test in the middle of the term. I didn't have glasses for the first two years of school and this affected my ability to read. But then when I got them and fell in love with reading, I was able to speed through the middle reading group's lessons in a "fast tracked course" and join the highest group. When I did that, there were three other kids who did it with me.
However, I think this was more due to our teacher seeing that we had the ability to move up as opposed to us really caring which group we were in. No one seemed to care which group they were put in as they made friends with the kids in their group. Thus, we all learned at our own pace and had a fair mix of being challenged and yet comfortable. The really slow kids went to a special teacher for special help, and some advanced kids got to go to a club called tag where they could pursue personal interests (ie while the rest of us were reading picture books they had moved on to chapter books).
In Jr high we were split even further and had a chance to challenge ourselves by joining more advanced classes. By the time we were in high school we would be with kids of different years. Again, no one really cared (as far as I know) about what class they were in.
Because they don’t do this in Japan I worry that my future children will either be too ahead or too behind the group to be successful. For example, even though my children will hopefully have a good grasp of the English language, when they get to the first year of Jr High they will be put in the class with students learning the ABCs. I asked my husband if there was the possibility in Japan for our children to do something like go to the teachers' room and read English books on their own (so they wouldn't be wasting their time), but he said that was very unlikely. One could say that maybe he doesn't know, but I actually see this at work. Kids who have done home-stays abroad or who have lived in foreign countries are in the same group as kids who can't say their name or what they had for lunch.
I like the idea of my children going to school in Japan because they will be able to learn Japanese language and culture. But the whole idea of there "not being exceptions" in the curriculum scares me. This is where I look to school size for a way "around the system." I know that the system won’t change but that in small schools with fewer students there is more of a chance that the teacher can cater to each students personal needs.
I don’t mean to generalize- this is only what I have seen in my own town. And I also don’t mean to preach- each parent can feel however they want. Actually if you are a parent in Japan I would love to hear your thoughts about how you feel or what you are planning on doing as far as sending your kids to school in Japan. And even if you are not a parent, I would love to hear about your kids schooling.
Friday, January 20, 2012
Crazy Old Man Drill
Last night I had a very vivid dream about a tornado coming to the Jr High School. One of the students pointed it out to me and I started rushing about getting everyone under a desk since we don't have a basement. I then tried to frantically figure out where to put everyone since every room in the building has windows and to get to the gym you have to go outside and across a parking lot. No one would listen to me because they were all really curious and wanted to see the tornado since they had never seen one before. I wasn't panicked in the dream but I remember thinking about how no one knew what to do and that I was therefore in charge and it was up to me to get everyone to safety.
I think I had this dream because this week on Tuesday I took part in a practice earthquake drill at an elementary school. Though I know the basics of an earthquake drill (get under a desk, stand in a doorway) I wasn't sure if one should go outside after the shaking finished. The teachers taught me that I should go outside only after the all clear had been given and that I should take something to cover my head in case of falling debris. I also learned that one shouldn't go back inside for quite awhile because of aftershocks. Good to know. We don't really get earthquakes here but they like to practice for obvious reasons. It just made me think about how my kids won't ever practice Tornado drills unless they got to high school in America.
One other drill that they do here that I think we should do in America (if we don't already) is "Scary Old Man Drill." I'm not sure if this what you would really call it, but that is how it was explained to me. I feel like I already blogged about this, but for those who don't know, SOMD is when the kids practice what they would do if a crazy person came in with a knife or something and tried to attack the students/teachers. They go to safe locations, keep quiet, and wait for the crazy old man to be caught and escorted away by police. It looks silly when they do it because the guy playing the old man usually looks harmless, but it is a good thing to practice in this day and age.
However, once when we were practicing this drill at an elementary school I was "hiding" in the teacher's office with some first graders when a real scary old man showed up. Actually, it was someones grandpa who was bringing something a student had forgotten (homework, lunch money, PE clothes, etc). The old man, not knowing we were having a drill, came and knocked on the window of the office. The students, not knowing if the drill was real or not, thought he might be the scary old man and started screaming. I, being a first timer this specific time, really had no idea how I was supposed to react or what I should say. Luckily a secretary came running over and explained to the guy that we were in a drill and he needed to leave. As much as the kids were traumatized, it was really funny.
I think I had this dream because this week on Tuesday I took part in a practice earthquake drill at an elementary school. Though I know the basics of an earthquake drill (get under a desk, stand in a doorway) I wasn't sure if one should go outside after the shaking finished. The teachers taught me that I should go outside only after the all clear had been given and that I should take something to cover my head in case of falling debris. I also learned that one shouldn't go back inside for quite awhile because of aftershocks. Good to know. We don't really get earthquakes here but they like to practice for obvious reasons. It just made me think about how my kids won't ever practice Tornado drills unless they got to high school in America.
One other drill that they do here that I think we should do in America (if we don't already) is "Scary Old Man Drill." I'm not sure if this what you would really call it, but that is how it was explained to me. I feel like I already blogged about this, but for those who don't know, SOMD is when the kids practice what they would do if a crazy person came in with a knife or something and tried to attack the students/teachers. They go to safe locations, keep quiet, and wait for the crazy old man to be caught and escorted away by police. It looks silly when they do it because the guy playing the old man usually looks harmless, but it is a good thing to practice in this day and age.
However, once when we were practicing this drill at an elementary school I was "hiding" in the teacher's office with some first graders when a real scary old man showed up. Actually, it was someones grandpa who was bringing something a student had forgotten (homework, lunch money, PE clothes, etc). The old man, not knowing we were having a drill, came and knocked on the window of the office. The students, not knowing if the drill was real or not, thought he might be the scary old man and started screaming. I, being a first timer this specific time, really had no idea how I was supposed to react or what I should say. Luckily a secretary came running over and explained to the guy that we were in a drill and he needed to leave. As much as the kids were traumatized, it was really funny.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Cultural Differences in Pets
Last weekend we went to the new super mall/outlet mall in Kurashiki with our friend Alexi. We found amazing deals at Adidas, Banana Republic, and UniQlo. We passed up the chance for Krispy Kreme, though, when we saw the hour long line.
Being animal lovers the lot of us we decided to check out the pet store. Motoaki and I were both relieved to see that we in deed got a fabulous deal on Finn. The cheapest dog at this place was about 1200 US $. Although they were all gorgeous puppies.
Anyway, what I quickly wanted to blog about was the fact that they were selling prairie dogs. As in the little things you see in the badlands!! Who in the world would get a prairie dog? How would you keep it? Don't they need to dig???
I was excited to see guinea pigs. A few years ago when I first came here they were pretty unknown around the town I live in and when I showed students pictures, they thought they were quite scary. I don't know if we would be ready for another dog anytime soon, but a guinea pig would be a lovely addition to the family...
In one last side note, really must start taking pictures of these things...
Being animal lovers the lot of us we decided to check out the pet store. Motoaki and I were both relieved to see that we in deed got a fabulous deal on Finn. The cheapest dog at this place was about 1200 US $. Although they were all gorgeous puppies.
Anyway, what I quickly wanted to blog about was the fact that they were selling prairie dogs. As in the little things you see in the badlands!! Who in the world would get a prairie dog? How would you keep it? Don't they need to dig???
I was excited to see guinea pigs. A few years ago when I first came here they were pretty unknown around the town I live in and when I showed students pictures, they thought they were quite scary. I don't know if we would be ready for another dog anytime soon, but a guinea pig would be a lovely addition to the family...
In one last side note, really must start taking pictures of these things...
Merry Christmas Maniwa- the after party
So after the teachers' seminar we had a small party for just the foreign teachers at my house. I was really excited to have everyone over since last weekend I had gone all out, decorating the living room for Christmas. I got a five foot tree, lights, and random ornaments and got out Motoaki's and my stockings as well as a new one for Finn.
My friend Janet who is a Canadian originally from Hong Kong brought over a fondue set that we attempted to use. Unfortunately I am not the smartest person and I didn't know that "real cheese" doesn't really work for fondue. Or maybe her set isn't very strong. Anyway, it turned into just a clump of cheese that we cut apart with scissors. Oh well, we laughed and ate it anyway. We had 10 people there (including me) made up of Janet (Hong Kong Canadian) Amy (also born in Hong Kong to Vietnamese parents but grew up in Texas) Mike (Michigan) Dan (California) Johnny (London) Ellie (Blackpool) Katie (Oxford) Rena (Thailand) Motoaki (Japan) so it was quite an assorted group.
We played White Elephant, the game where everyone brings a gift wrapped up so you can't tell what it is. You then draw numbers to see what order you go in. The first person unwraps a gift. The second person can either unwrap a new gift or steal the gift the first person unwrapped, and so on. We have done it for the past three years but last night was the biggest group we have had so far. Gifts last night included...
1) Mug and Tea
2) Box of Chocolates
3) Random Snacks
4) 3-D glasses
5) a magic gravity ball
6) a cute set of bunny utensils
7) Santa-shaped pasta and expensive sauce
8) a pillow
9) a carabiner that looked like a Swiss army knife with screwdriver, file, etc
10) various snacks
I stole the gravity ball for Motoaki who liked it and he got the carabiner.
I am happy that we now have a proper space to host and look forward to celebrating Christmas in our homes for years to come.
My friend Janet who is a Canadian originally from Hong Kong brought over a fondue set that we attempted to use. Unfortunately I am not the smartest person and I didn't know that "real cheese" doesn't really work for fondue. Or maybe her set isn't very strong. Anyway, it turned into just a clump of cheese that we cut apart with scissors. Oh well, we laughed and ate it anyway. We had 10 people there (including me) made up of Janet (Hong Kong Canadian) Amy (also born in Hong Kong to Vietnamese parents but grew up in Texas) Mike (Michigan) Dan (California) Johnny (London) Ellie (Blackpool) Katie (Oxford) Rena (Thailand) Motoaki (Japan) so it was quite an assorted group.
We played White Elephant, the game where everyone brings a gift wrapped up so you can't tell what it is. You then draw numbers to see what order you go in. The first person unwraps a gift. The second person can either unwrap a new gift or steal the gift the first person unwrapped, and so on. We have done it for the past three years but last night was the biggest group we have had so far. Gifts last night included...
1) Mug and Tea
2) Box of Chocolates
3) Random Snacks
4) 3-D glasses
5) a magic gravity ball
6) a cute set of bunny utensils
7) Santa-shaped pasta and expensive sauce
8) a pillow
9) a carabiner that looked like a Swiss army knife with screwdriver, file, etc
10) various snacks
I stole the gravity ball for Motoaki who liked it and he got the carabiner.
I am happy that we now have a proper space to host and look forward to celebrating Christmas in our homes for years to come.
Friday, November 25, 2011
Good-bye Thanksgiving, Bring on Christmas
So now that thanksgiving has officially passed (without any celebration over on my side of the world- I actually had leftovers Thanksgiving night because Motoaki refused to eat his half of the pineapple/bell pepper/soy/lemon/chicken I made the night before- he took one look at pineapple in the crock pot and promptly started cooking his own dinner- silly Japanese...) we can now officially kick off the Christmas season, and I couldn't be happier. Though we don't have snow and you don't really see too many lights up, there are decorations in the stores and Christmas music on some of the commercials. I know a lot of people think that Christmas these days is over commercialized but I sure miss it being here in Japan. I miss having the long Thanksgiving weekend to start shopping and to pick out a tree. I miss having Christmas concerts to look forward and TBS playing holiday movie after holiday movie.
Luckily for me, my December calender is already booked right up to the point I fly home. This first weekend we have a young teachers party where we will be cooking traditional Christmas dishes like fondue and apple pie (at least its not fish...) and then playing volleyball. After that we have our monthly BBQ with all of the foreigners in the area.
Then the next weekend I have a birthday party for a friend on Friday and then a weekend of shopping with Motoaki. The nearby mall (Kurashiki) recently underwent a huge makeover as well as opened a nearby outlet mall. Yes, yes Christmas is about Jesus but it is also about seeing an over the top glitzy Christmas tree, a Japanese man dressed as Santa (or if we are lucky, some English teacher dressed as Santa), Starbucks Christmas drinks, and fighting crowds to find the best gift for people back at home.
The following weekend I will be in Osaka for yet another birthday and more shopping, and then I have a choir concert on my last weekend before going home. We are singing Beethoven's 9th which isn't very Christmasy but we will encore with some Italian song and Silent Night- in Japanese! I'll take it. And it will be fun to sing with a big group, not to mention a group with some amazing talent. It's a community choir that anyone can join but last week when they announced who would do the solos (I have been too busy with guests to have even been around for tryouts), I found out that one of my favorite oji-chans (little old Japanese man) has some serious power. Seriously was straining my neck to see who was singing so beautifully and was shocked to see it was him.
Of course there is a lot of work involved in all of this play. I still have lessons and since they are Christmas lessons I have more prep than usual (cutting out ornament shapes for the little kids to color, making a tree out of paper, etc). I also need to write my Christmas cards as well as help Motoaki design a New Year's card. Even so, it never feels like real work.
Anyway, let the season begin and good luck to you in your own countdown to Christmas.
Luckily for me, my December calender is already booked right up to the point I fly home. This first weekend we have a young teachers party where we will be cooking traditional Christmas dishes like fondue and apple pie (at least its not fish...) and then playing volleyball. After that we have our monthly BBQ with all of the foreigners in the area.
Then the next weekend I have a birthday party for a friend on Friday and then a weekend of shopping with Motoaki. The nearby mall (Kurashiki) recently underwent a huge makeover as well as opened a nearby outlet mall. Yes, yes Christmas is about Jesus but it is also about seeing an over the top glitzy Christmas tree, a Japanese man dressed as Santa (or if we are lucky, some English teacher dressed as Santa), Starbucks Christmas drinks, and fighting crowds to find the best gift for people back at home.
The following weekend I will be in Osaka for yet another birthday and more shopping, and then I have a choir concert on my last weekend before going home. We are singing Beethoven's 9th which isn't very Christmasy but we will encore with some Italian song and Silent Night- in Japanese! I'll take it. And it will be fun to sing with a big group, not to mention a group with some amazing talent. It's a community choir that anyone can join but last week when they announced who would do the solos (I have been too busy with guests to have even been around for tryouts), I found out that one of my favorite oji-chans (little old Japanese man) has some serious power. Seriously was straining my neck to see who was singing so beautifully and was shocked to see it was him.
Of course there is a lot of work involved in all of this play. I still have lessons and since they are Christmas lessons I have more prep than usual (cutting out ornament shapes for the little kids to color, making a tree out of paper, etc). I also need to write my Christmas cards as well as help Motoaki design a New Year's card. Even so, it never feels like real work.
Anyway, let the season begin and good luck to you in your own countdown to Christmas.
Opinions of a Japanese Jr High Student
This past week or so in the 3rd grade at Jr High (14-15 year olds) we have been practicing debate. The kids read the example in the text and were then asked to write their own composition about a topic. The book's example was...
I think beds are more convenient than futon.
I agree because it is easier to make a bed.
I disagree futon don't need so much space.
There were example topics for them to choose from, but they were also allowed to pick something different. We mostly got summer vs. winter (mostly dealing with cold vs hot, winter sports vs summer sports, winter food vs summer food) and school lunch vs sack lunch (mostly dealing with the difficulty if making your own lunch or having to eat foods you don't like in school lunch- this was a little interesting as kids are not allowed to bring their own lunch).
But some of the kids really surprised me with their opinions. This is because usually, as with most homework assignments, the children tend to write what they think you want to hear (aka I love school lunch! I love English class! Doing homework is important! Uniforms are comfortable and fashionable! Drugs are bad!) or they just copy from a book. But in this assignment we got some great original thoughts and answers. So I thought I would share some of the highlights.
First off in reference to school uniforms, one girl wrote,
I think pants are better than skirts. Pants are warmer and are more comfortable.
That seems pretty reasonable to the average American, but in Japan where girl student uniforms are considered "cute and sexy," I was impressed. For those that say that the Japanese don't see the uniforms as sexy, go to a costume shop or watch an AKB48 video.
Another girl wrote,
I think plain clothes are better than school uniforms. With a uniform we can't express our own personality.
Again, might seem obvious to those who grew up wearing what they want to school, but in Japan where "the nail that sticks out will get hammered down," this is an original thought. For those that say, "It's not what you wear, but what's on the inside that counts," I agree to the point. But why should girls have to wear skirts and boys wear pants?
In reference to city life vs country life, one boy wrote,
I think living in the country is better than living in the city. The country has clean air and better fishing.Being from Iowa, I know that all too well. What was surprising was that a) the 15 year old doesn't have big city dreams and b) he will take fishing over the pro sports, arcades and game stores that the city offers.
One boy wrote that,
I think a PC is better than a cell phone. You can carry a mini-PC. A PC has more data.I was surprised as most people in Japan use their cell phone for everything. When I came to Japan in 2005 my phone could already access gmail, Facebook, etc Things my US cell dreamed of doing. If you ask someone for their email, they will give you their phone email, not a PC one. I had to ask, on the kid's paper, "What do you think of smart phones?"
One boy who is a bit of a suck-up (sorry to say...) wrote an original topic by saying,
Some people think now is better than the past. In that case, we now have TV, cell phones, refrigerators, and so on. But there are bad things now. To watch TV is fun. But we watch TV for a long time. This is sight fail. To play video games is fun, but this must take a long time. Your mother must be angry. And there is a bad thing. This is "phone fraud." So to be frank, the past is better than now.
He makes mistakes but he has some good points. It was actually a bit longer with a lot more phrases he picked up from the dictionary, but overall he put a lot of thought into it. I rewarded his work by two paragraphs of counter arguing by saying that cell phones save lives in emergencies and that in the present we have better medicine and communication. I used big words that are in reality too challenging, but that will give him something to do.
But the winner had to be two boys in 3-D (3rd year D home room) who had this to say about their friend Morishita (his last name)...
I think a kangaroo is better than Morishita. Because a kangaroo is stronger.
I think a cockroach is better than Morishita. Because a cockroach is more convenient than Morishita.Yes, yes, fine arguments both of them.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
My First Funeral in Japan: Part Two
So the day of the funeral I was actually too busy to be really upset in the morning. This was because it was Halloween weekend and my friend was coming to visit from up north. She had taken a night bus down and I had to pick her up at 6am in a town about 40 minutes from me. Then, after getting back to my house and showing her the spare room, the bathroom, etc I was too awake to go back to sleep. So I watched TV (WE GOT CABLE!!!) with Finn and just let my mind wander while she napped. I then got ready to go and left her to the computer and the dog.
The funeral was in a town about 30 minutes from mine and the other teacher had told me that it was at a place called Cosmos Hall. Because Cosmos is one of the words put in simple Japanese and also because it is a small town that I have been to countless times, I didn't look it up on the map and just asked the girl at the super market counter (I had to run in and buy black hose as all of mine are nude- the Japanese tend to be over dressed so thought I better not risk it) where it was. It turned out to be in the opposite direction as to where I thought so I thanked her and left.
My Japanese is ok but since directions are hard in any language, I pulled off again and asked a guy directing parking at a farmers market where I needed to be. He told me it was just up the hill so I thanked him and headed off. I arrived at what turned out to be Cosmos Hill, aka a field full of flowers, and realized that this was where the supermarket girl had been thinking I was going to. This amused me as I was in all black, it was raining, it was like 9am, and I was all alone. I went back down the hill and showed the parking guy my money envelope. He realized right away the mistake and began apologizing before getting me turned around. By this time i was running on time as opposed to the early that I had wanted to be. To add to this was the fact that every other block there was a sign for Cosmos something or other (I had forgotten that this town is famous for these flowers and that practically everything was named for them) and i kept getting off the main road only to find more flowers. Finally I spotted a taxi carrying some students from my school (side note- what parent would send a student by themselves in a taxi to a funeral?!?) and followed that to the Cosmos Hall. I had worried that I would be the last one there, but there were more cars in front of the taxi and more behind me all going to the same place. There were too many people to find the teacher I had seen at the speech contest the day before but it was easy to spot my staff so I headed towards them.
The actual building was quite confusing. It was actually two buildings connected by an overhead roof that you see at banks, drive throughs, etc. In front of the first building was a table where people were signing and giving their money. This was being run thankfully by more of my coworkers so they were able to tell me what to put where. Still, I made a fool of myself by not knowing my address (I know the gist of it but couldn't remember what was what for the house number and the zip-code). I had written it on a card in my purse but had not brought my purse as I didn't think I would need it. Oh well, I guessed and I don't think it will matter. Even if I am entitled to a thank you note/gift, it is unnecessary.
After doing this I went opposite of the first building to stand with my staff under the overhead. From where I stood I could see into the doors of both buildings and could make out that one seemed to be filled with people and flowers for the actual ceremony and that the other was more of a lounge for what I assume was used for family. More and more people kept coming and, after giving their money, lining up outside the two buildings. I saw a ton of former coworkers (in Japan teachers are transferred around so every year we lose about five teachers) but couldn't talk to them because of the somberness of the event.
After about an hour of this some chanting came on over a loud speaker but people still kept arriving and talking. There didn't seem to be a start time. I kept waiting to be told, "oh now we will go and sit," or, "the ceremony has begun" but honestly nothing changed. I seriously had no clue what was going on. I thought that maybe the chanting was a prelude like music at church, but it was seriously going on for an hour. Then all of the people outside (about 100 or so) made a long line to go into the building that had all of the flowers and what not. I made out that we were going to be proceeding in to see the casket, and I got nervous because I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do once I got in there. Luckily I was behind a younger English teacher so I knew I could ask her if faced with something really confusing.
Inside the room it was very dark and very smoky. The actual room was set up like a western service with people on chairs, and I realized that we had been outside because the space wasn't big enough. I was wandering why we didn't have it at the school, but maybe his family didn't expect so many students/staff. We walked slowly down the aisle as each person took a moment in front of the casket before moving on to one of two small altars that had bits of incense burning in them. I had read a story in my Japanese text book about an American who ate some sand stuff at a funeral because he thought other people were eating it when in fact they were just touching it to their lips and eyes. When it came my turn to stand in front of the incense I did nothing as I didn't want to do it wrong and offend anyone. Also, I am of the belief that just like non-Catholics don't take communion at a Catholic service, as a non-Buddhist I shouldn't really take full part in things like this out of respect.
The hardest part was that, after going up to the casket and standing by the incense, I had to go over to the immediate family and bow. Of course they were pretty upset and I felt bad that they had to receive anyone at that time. I am thankful that in a western funeral we just put the family to the front and let them be.
After I went back outside everyone again lined up in front of the buildings as we listened to more chanting. At one point the daughter spoke and then at another some uncle or other. It was hard to hear and I couldn't understand most of it. Then the casket was brought out and put in a hearse. I am not sure, but i think that since people are cremated in Japan the family goes on to the place where that is performed similar to the family going to the cemetery in the west. Then people just started to walk back to their cars and head home.
It was soooooo strange to not have any music or a speech by a priest/minister. With cultural differences at other ceremonies (weddings, graduations,etc) I have often thought, 'Oh, that's weird/different,' but never before have I ever thought "I'm so glad I was raised in the west." After that funeral, I was definitely thankful to the fact that, though my mother's service was pretty hard to get through, that there had been music, comforting words from a spiritual leader, and even some laughter. I remember Motoaki saying that her funeral had felt bright to him and that he was surprised by how, when we were at the wake, people were a mixture of crying and chatting. I think part of it is that in the west we have a bit more time before the funeral. This man passed on Friday and was put to rest on Sunday, but my mom passed on Monday morning and was put to rest on Friday.
I know it is a cultural difference, and I respect that, but dear Lord if I die in Japan give me a western service. With Motoaki I might just have to have two...
Sorry if this was a heavy post, but just really wanted to write about it. I also rambled a bit.
My First Funeral in Japan: Part One
So over the past five years I have had a lot of firsts in Japan, some good, some bad, most of them confusing, a lot of them awkward.
Two weeks ago I had my first funeral in Japan and it was not good. I mean, the service was probably adequate, but the whole experience left me a little cold. However, as bad as this sounds, I was glad to go through it first for someone whom I only knew a little rather than for someone whom I am close to. I now have a much deeper understanding of what Motoaki must have been feeling last March in Iowa.
To back up a bit, on Friday October 28 it was announced that our coworker, Oshime-san, had passed away from heart complications. He had been the special needs teacher and overall, from what I knew, a great guy. I didn't work with him on a day to day basis but last year our desks were together in the teachers room. Due his adequate English ability, I often asked him about simple things like where we were going to park for sports day or what time the kids would be leaving for their early dismissal. I think to a lot of busy teachers it would have been annoying, but he was always very kind and patient. I think it must go without saying then that he was great with the special needs kids. They were always joking together in the hallways and you could tell that they adored him. It was really hard to face any of those students that Friday.
I had known him enough to be somewhat upset, but I think others were surprised to see me get actually really upset. This was selfishly due to the fact that he passed away in a similar way to my mother. If he had been in a car accident or if he had suffered a stroke, I would have been upset but not so shaken. But having to hear from the Principal words like, "heart surgery," "life flight," "great shock to family," hit me pretty hard and I was a wreck in front of the whole school body. a lot of students probably wondered if I had been sweet on him or something. The staff had been assembled and told in the teachers room, and of course many of them were upset, but for me it didn't hit until we were in the gym with all of the students. It then became that awkward situation of the intern (a girl from England) and me not sure of what was going on and not wanting to ask people who were crying or comforting students. So I went home on Friday thinking that we would be given instructions on Monday as to what was going to take place as far as a memorial.
Then on Saturday I went to speech contest and ran into the English teacher who had sat with Mr Oshime Sensei and me last year. She is now teaching at a different school but had heard the news. She asked me if I was going to the wake that night or if I would be at the funeral the next day. I of course hadn't known about any of this and wasn't sure what the custom was (ie if just family were expected, etc). She assured me that she could meet me the next day if I wanted to go.
So that night I talked to Motoaki and he advised me to go to the funeral. He helped me pick out a dress (or rather told me the black one I wore to my mom's funeral was fine) and helped me prepare the money envelope. In Japan it seems that money is needed for all occasions and that there are different rules for the money. For example, for weddings the money goes in an envelope with a red ribbon and the money should be "new," as in you will stop at the bank and ask for crisp notes. For funerals the money goes in he same envelope but with a black ribbon and the money should be old. I had gone to the bank to get the money but it was new so Motoaki and I sat and folded it, crinkled it, etc Seriously felt silly to me. I mean, what grieving family is going to be like, "That foreign girl gave us new money- what an insult!"
Anyway, I didn't ask Motoaki too much about what I was going to be doing because I was a bit upset and didn't want to think about it. As I said before, a lot of this was due to the fact that my mom passed last March. I still cry over little things like putting a picture of her in a frame or hearing certain songs on a radio. Having to actually talk about death was too much. I just went to bed and figured I would just face the next day with a fresh start.
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Manners
(July 1st)
While reading BBC News online, I came across the article about the stepmother who wrote a "manner's" email to her future daughter-in-law. The full email is here.
http://news.sky.com/skynews/
The future daughter-in-law sent to some friends over email and it got on the internet and is now being read and shared on all sorts of news mediums. LOL- I bet the stepmother is FUMING!
I personally stand in the middle of the debate on who is right in this situation. I think the mother-in-law's email is extremely nasty, but at the same time she referenced past occurrences so maybe she has been provoked. Plus some of the points she brings up are obvious and it is shocking that anyone over the age of ten wouldn't know better. Like the parts about not helping yourself to seconds and not starting before others. We teach that to five your olds.And the part about lowering her sights and having a modest wedding. So many girls feel so entitled these days and for what? A wedding is only one night and while it is a night to remember, then the money might be better spent towards a house or honeymoon. Then again, if the guy is loaded...
I also think that it was bad on the part of the daughter-in-law to let it go online. I mean, the email is shocking and funny, but doesn't she think of her fiance? How does he feel about this. I talk about people behind their back just as much as the next person, but I wouldn't put something online for all of the world to gawk at- the internet is forever. At the same time the email is unbelievable and too good to be true. Especially the parts about food when it is later mentioned that the girl has diabetes. That shouldn't dictate when she starts and stops eating, but saying that there are things she won't be eating and needing more food should be fair game and the mother-in-law is being a female dog by criticizing her on it.
But anyway, what I really want to comment on is the fact that this made me think about what Motoaki's mom must think about my manners and what my mom thought about Motoaki's manners. One thing that was an absolute fact about my mother was that she was a lady. I mean, she wasn't uptight- she would wear jeans and stuff and serve chili at holiday parties- but she definitely taught us etiquette.
As I have made my way into the world I have often been a little shocked by others lack of manners and I always think about what my mom would say. she could be a little unforgiving at times of others lack of upbringing and would comment on it years after the fact, having the offence forever etched in her mind. One of her favorite movies was Serial Mom about a mother who kills other people who commit minor offences like not rewinding their tape before returning it to the video store or wearing white shoes after labor day.
It could sometimes be impossible when it came to convincing my mother that things were different and it wasn't the end of the world if we changed a few rules. Like how it wasn't the end of the world if I didn't wear hose with a skirt or if I went to prom without a date. As a child it could be really annoying but as an adult I am glad that my mom raised us to be aware of what is acceptable behavior. I have gotten comments on it at work or when I have been a guest with someone. I think I get along well in Japan because I had that rigorous training.
With Motoaki's mom it is a whole other ball game because of the cultural difference and the language barrier. After all, here you are supposed to slurp the soup. Part of the problem is that she is fairly nice but very quiet. I never know what she is really thinking and whether or not she approves. Not that I need her approval, but I do want her to be proud (and more importantly, I do want to be able to teach my children what is acceptable in both cultures). Like the time I wore the white shirt to her mother's memorial service. Motoaki said it wasn't a big deal and that no one cared, but really? If the roles had been reversed I think my own mother would have minded (and rightly so).
I also worry about her thinking that I am spoiled. Motoaki is the type that works too hard sometimes in making me happy and asks for nothing in return. I sometimes wonder if I am asking for too much and he just doesn't say anything. He is not a pushover but is extremely easy going and doesn't get worked up over things.
For example, when looking for houses I expressed that my priorities were somewhere that a) had a yard, b) was close to a good school, and c) had an upstairs. We found a house that has all three and yet when we took her to look at it, she seemed a little displeased. Later I heard her mentioning that she thought that Motoaki's aunts house (which we were maybe going to buy but got tired of waiting for) was nice and a real fixer-upper. But I said that I didn't like the school it is closest too. The school is nice, but it is overcrowded and they have up to 40 kids in one classroom. I worry that a child could easily get ignored, bullied, or left behind in that situation. Especially considering that the child is going to be a mixed-culture child. The house we looked at is near a school with only 100 kids in the whole building. AKA plenty of attention from teachers and an "everybody plays with everybody for lack of options" feel to it. But am I being too demanding? Motoaki says we are fine money wise (we haven't touched the money we got from our wedding and we each save every month), but is it bad manners in Japan to get something you might not necessarily need? After all, the four bedrooms will be great for kids and guests, but other families in Japan get by on two. Motoaki's family got by on three but that was with two kids and grandma in the house.
It might be silly for me to think like this, but just as my mother came from a different generation where girls wore skirts and made hand-written invitations for even small parties, Motoaki's mom is also from another generation. When she was a young woman she was in an arranged marriage (it is actually common among women her age) and I know that she had little choice as to where she lived or how the house was. She moved in with her in-laws and no doubt had to do everything her mother-in-law told her. Of course, times have changed and she has changed with them. She understands that "kids do it differently these days." But to her I must seem like a really BIG change from what she new.
I guess what I want to say that, as bad as the email from the mother-in-law was (and as bad as it might get- I would think the media storm might be an engagement breaker), it is nice to have it out in the open. Not that I think Motoaki's mom would be so harsh on me. But it might be nice if I knew what she was thinking and if I knew that any faux pas I was committing were something, "any five year old knows."
While reading BBC News online, I came across the article about the stepmother who wrote a "manner's" email to her future daughter-in-law. The full email is here.
http://news.sky.com/skynews/
The future daughter-in-law sent to some friends over email and it got on the internet and is now being read and shared on all sorts of news mediums. LOL- I bet the stepmother is FUMING!
I personally stand in the middle of the debate on who is right in this situation. I think the mother-in-law's email is extremely nasty, but at the same time she referenced past occurrences so maybe she has been provoked. Plus some of the points she brings up are obvious and it is shocking that anyone over the age of ten wouldn't know better. Like the parts about not helping yourself to seconds and not starting before others. We teach that to five your olds.And the part about lowering her sights and having a modest wedding. So many girls feel so entitled these days and for what? A wedding is only one night and while it is a night to remember, then the money might be better spent towards a house or honeymoon. Then again, if the guy is loaded...
I also think that it was bad on the part of the daughter-in-law to let it go online. I mean, the email is shocking and funny, but doesn't she think of her fiance? How does he feel about this. I talk about people behind their back just as much as the next person, but I wouldn't put something online for all of the world to gawk at- the internet is forever. At the same time the email is unbelievable and too good to be true. Especially the parts about food when it is later mentioned that the girl has diabetes. That shouldn't dictate when she starts and stops eating, but saying that there are things she won't be eating and needing more food should be fair game and the mother-in-law is being a female dog by criticizing her on it.
But anyway, what I really want to comment on is the fact that this made me think about what Motoaki's mom must think about my manners and what my mom thought about Motoaki's manners. One thing that was an absolute fact about my mother was that she was a lady. I mean, she wasn't uptight- she would wear jeans and stuff and serve chili at holiday parties- but she definitely taught us etiquette.
As I have made my way into the world I have often been a little shocked by others lack of manners and I always think about what my mom would say. she could be a little unforgiving at times of others lack of upbringing and would comment on it years after the fact, having the offence forever etched in her mind. One of her favorite movies was Serial Mom about a mother who kills other people who commit minor offences like not rewinding their tape before returning it to the video store or wearing white shoes after labor day.
It could sometimes be impossible when it came to convincing my mother that things were different and it wasn't the end of the world if we changed a few rules. Like how it wasn't the end of the world if I didn't wear hose with a skirt or if I went to prom without a date. As a child it could be really annoying but as an adult I am glad that my mom raised us to be aware of what is acceptable behavior. I have gotten comments on it at work or when I have been a guest with someone. I think I get along well in Japan because I had that rigorous training.
With Motoaki's mom it is a whole other ball game because of the cultural difference and the language barrier. After all, here you are supposed to slurp the soup. Part of the problem is that she is fairly nice but very quiet. I never know what she is really thinking and whether or not she approves. Not that I need her approval, but I do want her to be proud (and more importantly, I do want to be able to teach my children what is acceptable in both cultures). Like the time I wore the white shirt to her mother's memorial service. Motoaki said it wasn't a big deal and that no one cared, but really? If the roles had been reversed I think my own mother would have minded (and rightly so).
I also worry about her thinking that I am spoiled. Motoaki is the type that works too hard sometimes in making me happy and asks for nothing in return. I sometimes wonder if I am asking for too much and he just doesn't say anything. He is not a pushover but is extremely easy going and doesn't get worked up over things.
For example, when looking for houses I expressed that my priorities were somewhere that a) had a yard, b) was close to a good school, and c) had an upstairs. We found a house that has all three and yet when we took her to look at it, she seemed a little displeased. Later I heard her mentioning that she thought that Motoaki's aunts house (which we were maybe going to buy but got tired of waiting for) was nice and a real fixer-upper. But I said that I didn't like the school it is closest too. The school is nice, but it is overcrowded and they have up to 40 kids in one classroom. I worry that a child could easily get ignored, bullied, or left behind in that situation. Especially considering that the child is going to be a mixed-culture child. The house we looked at is near a school with only 100 kids in the whole building. AKA plenty of attention from teachers and an "everybody plays with everybody for lack of options" feel to it. But am I being too demanding? Motoaki says we are fine money wise (we haven't touched the money we got from our wedding and we each save every month), but is it bad manners in Japan to get something you might not necessarily need? After all, the four bedrooms will be great for kids and guests, but other families in Japan get by on two. Motoaki's family got by on three but that was with two kids and grandma in the house.
It might be silly for me to think like this, but just as my mother came from a different generation where girls wore skirts and made hand-written invitations for even small parties, Motoaki's mom is also from another generation. When she was a young woman she was in an arranged marriage (it is actually common among women her age) and I know that she had little choice as to where she lived or how the house was. She moved in with her in-laws and no doubt had to do everything her mother-in-law told her. Of course, times have changed and she has changed with them. She understands that "kids do it differently these days." But to her I must seem like a really BIG change from what she new.
I guess what I want to say that, as bad as the email from the mother-in-law was (and as bad as it might get- I would think the media storm might be an engagement breaker), it is nice to have it out in the open. Not that I think Motoaki's mom would be so harsh on me. But it might be nice if I knew what she was thinking and if I knew that any faux pas I was committing were something, "any five year old knows."
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