Words for Wednesday: 100 Years of Solitude

(Written July 6th)

I finished Paper Daughter and though it kind of got off track, I enjoyed it.  It did make me think about how lazy I was as a child, though.

Anyway, after finishing that I picked up 100 Years of Solitude, a story about the origins and life of a small town in South America (although it is largely a fantasy). 

It is a book that I should have read in school but that I never did.  To be fair, I think I read an excerpt of it somewhere.  Anyway, I am only 66 pages in and have already lost my interest a bit.  It is a captivating book but it is also a rather intense read and leaves one feeling a bit exhausted.  There are easily three or four words in every chapter that I don't know and the descriptions never let up.  Though the book is heralded as a masterpiece (it won a Nobel Prize among other awards), I have to agree with some reviews that also criticize it for being wordy.  

HOWEVER, I have been leading a lazy life as of late and I think it is important for me to pick up these types of books (Faulkner, Dickens, Jane Austen, etc) off and on to keep my brain and language ability up to date.  Though my job is to teach English, it is very basic English and I am surrounded by Japanese on all other fronts.  Although everyone looses a bit of a dip in their ability after leaving school, I think I have to work twice as hard to maintain a rust/dust-free brain.  So I am going to plunge ahead and hopefully hit my stride soon.  Though I will admit to cheating last week by reading Vanity Fair on our car ride to Kurashiki and by reading David Sedaris during my break at the elementary school.  Don't judge me- it was my birthday!  I deserved to be stress free!  Not to mention I had hose pesky bites fighting my every concentrated thought.  Must say that there is nothing like, Me Talk Pretty One Day, to take your mind off of things.

On a side note...  This is an article/blog entry from Roger Ebert about the dumbing down of some novels for today's reader.  I feel he captures what I was trying to say about struggling through a book even if I don't understand all of the words.  I always tell my students that I learned English by reading... and watching TV.
http://blogs.suntimes.com/ebert/2011/07/_did_it_seem_to.html

Lost in Translation

Today I literally lost something in translation.  At the morning meeting I overheard the principal say that they would soon be cleaning out the fridge in the teacher's lounge.  I say overheard because technically it is not my job to be at these meetings and I don't have to pay attention (usually I read the news and prepare anything I need for that day's lessons).  Anyway, I had just put to small containers into the fridge- one with fruit and almonds and one with a salad.  I hadn't labeled them, but nothing in the fridge was labeled.

Worried, I asked the English teacher that sits next to me about it.  She said that my stuff would be fine.  She said that they were only throwing away old stuff and that they would be doing it later on anyway.  So I left my stuff and went about my day.

Come lunch time I went to get my food, though, and the salad container was gone.  I am happy because the fruit container is a more expensive one that came in a matching set.  The salad container was a Ziploc one.  BUT- it was a special sized one that came in a 15 piece set.  Also, the lid that went on it also goes on about 6 other pieces in the set and there is only one other lid in the set.  I still have one lid, but that now means that I can't use more than one of those containers at the same time, which kind of defeats the purpose.  They are the round kind with the screw on lids that I don't usually see.

I know it is partially my fault for not double checking and also for not labeling my stuff.  BUT the container was clear and the food inside could not have been mistaken for being old.  Being lazy, my salads are usually cut up, fresh vegetables.  I don't add dressing or cheese so they never appear "soggy."  If they were left for any more than a day they would look dried up.  UGH!  I now have to ask the cleaning guy where it went and then I have to ask myself whether I will keep the lid (if has gone in the trash).  I need to pay more attention to what Japanese is being said rather than relying on second hand information from Bieber Fever girls (see prior blog entry).

The Birthday

So you know you are getting older when you actually request not having a party.  Part of that was due to my leg still stinging. I finally popped the blister but that just left a sore spot that Motoaki insisted on spraying with antiseptic- which only increased the sting.  I am thankful that he cares so much, but sweet mother that hurt.  I had planned on going camping or at least to the beach but the thought of sand in my leg was a strong deterrent.  Also, recently there has been drama between some of the other teachers in town and so I avoided the whole crowd thing and decided it would be better just to do something with Motoaki.

Anyway, so it was a quiet but good weekend and it actually made my birthday stretch out.  On Saturday we went to the nearby city for shopping, dinner, and a movie.  Again, in regards to getting older, I was intent on getting a housekeeping book.  The one that I had finished last month and I wanted a more elaborate one since we are going to be budgeting a bit more if we get the house we have been looking at.  I am not anal as in keeping track of every dime and nickel (or yen and yen), but it does help me since most of the bills are in Motoaki's name and I just pay him.  It also serves as a nice wake-up call to actually write down how much I have in the bank each week.  Luckily Japan has millions of options at the stationary store, Loft.  Love that place although it is very dangerous as, much like Target, you go in for one thing and buy a million others.  I ended up escaping with my book and a small novelty birthday gift for Toby.  See, I do love and think about my brother.

I also treated myself to a denim sundress/romper type thing that was on sale at the Gap.  Motoaki wanted to pay but I told him to wait until I saw something that wasn't "70% off."  Wink!

Yeah, as good as Motoaki is abut caring about me, he sucks when it comes to gifts.  Japanese people like to give souvenirs but they aren't big in the gift giving department.  They have Christmas but it is more about food than any gifts, and at New Years they just give money.  Little kids get birthday presents but not so much adults.  So where as I thought about what Motoaki likes/needs and chose his gifts based on that, he just kept asking me what I wanted.  Every time I glanced at or touched anything in a store, he immediately he came up behind me offering to pay.  I finally let him buy me the new Lady Gaga CD (not as good as I had hoped but good for driving and cleaning) and the Bruno Mars CD (good sale and a really good CD).

There was one blouse/shirt that I had been eyeing for a few months now (if I see something I like but it is expensive, I will wait to see if it goes on sale) and was excited to see that it was marked down.  The color was beautiful, the fabric was gorgeous, and it had an empire flowing waist that would leave me feel at ease about drinking Starbucks and eating omurice (an omelet with rice and different toppings- mine had spinach, shrimp, and cheese- hence the need for an empire waist).  So I got it off the rack and excitedly went to try it on.  I should have known!  The top fit perfectly except for in the chest.  Damn Japanese women and their small boobs!  I could have tried to make it work- it fit, it just gave me obscene cleavage.  But it only came halfway down my chest, dividing it into an upper and lower part.  And also it would have required a camisole underneath which would have made the chest area tighter.  Not really the "throw it on and go" comfortable shirt I had imagined.  Sadly the sundress version of the top had been sold out.  Oh well...  I don't need more clothes, but I had been excited about it being on sale.

My disappointment was soon forgotten as I found plenty of other things to interest me.  I am actually a good shopper in that I weigh my options and my wallet before jumping into anything.  I found a similar blouse to the one I tried on and got it, plus a pair of roll up trousers that I had been wanting forever (found them in men's- again Japanese women and their small bodies).

And watching X-Men: First Class was also a big help in helping me to cheer up.  The movie was just as I had hoped and I thought casting was perfect.  I have never read the comics so I don't really know if the movie was accurate, but it made for a good movie.  I of course liked James McAvoy as he is great in anything he does.  I was really impressed with Michael Fassbender as Magneto.  I had seen him in Inglorious Basterds but hadn't remembered him next to Brad Pitt and Cristoph Waltz.

Sunday was spent lazily.  I was supposed to go to a BBQ but got up late (we had gotten back late the night before) and it was raining.  Went to Tsuyama for the only Mexican food to be had in these parts ( one of the family restaurants has a taco salad and quesadillas) and then went to meet with the realtors to discuss loan options.  Those meetings are boring in English but good lord do they put you to sleep in Japanese.  I felt bad because I would find myself spacing out only to come back into focus because the realtor had paused for me to answer a question.  I was like, "Why are you asking me?  Like I know anything about buying a house in Japan."  Nice, but really unnecessary.  I know in marriage we should "decide together" but I was like, really, Motoaki, ANYTHING is fine.  just tell me where to sign and what to do.

After that we had dinner with Motoaki's family.  I felt guilty because we don't ever do anything for their birthdays and they hadn't done anything for Motoaki's, but they ended up giving Motoaki a gift as well so it wasn't all about me.  Quite hilarious as Motoaki's sister, who doesn't speak English, gave me a birthday card that featured a Drag Queen holding a sign that said, "Eat me!"  LOL!  I had to keep a straight face until the car, but even Motoaki didn't get how funny that was.

On my actual birthday I worked at an elementary school and then went out for dinner with friends in town.  We had Indian food and mostly spent the time gossiping about what everyone else had been up to.

So yeah, another year older but not much different.  I did get a lot of amazing/lovely gifts from people around the world so also a big thanks for that.

Manners

(July 1st)

While reading BBC News online, I came across the article about the stepmother who wrote a "manner's" email to her future daughter-in-law.  The full email is here.
http://news.sky.com/skynews/Home/UK-News/Mother-In-Law-Email-Carolyn-Bournes-Stern-Etiquette-Message-To-Heidi-Withers-Goes-Viral/Article/201106416021513?f=rss
The future daughter-in-law sent to some friends over email and it got on the internet and is now being read and shared on all sorts of news mediums.  LOL- I bet the stepmother is FUMING!

I personally stand in the middle of the debate on who is right in this situation.  I think the mother-in-law's email is extremely nasty, but at the same time she referenced past occurrences so maybe she has been provoked.  Plus some of the points she brings up are obvious and it is shocking that anyone over the age of ten wouldn't know better.  Like the parts about not helping yourself to seconds and not starting before others. We teach that to five your olds.And the part about lowering her sights and having a modest wedding.  So many girls feel so entitled these days and for what?  A wedding is only one night and while it is a night to remember, then the money might be better spent towards a house or honeymoon.  Then again, if the guy is loaded...

I also think that it was bad on the part of the daughter-in-law to let it go online.  I mean, the email is shocking and funny, but doesn't she think of her fiance?  How does he feel about this.  I talk about people behind their back just as much as the next person, but I wouldn't put something online for all of the world to gawk at- the internet is forever.  At the same time the email is unbelievable and too good to be true.  Especially the parts about food when it is later mentioned that the girl has diabetes.  That shouldn't dictate when she starts and stops eating, but saying that there are things she won't be eating and needing more food should be fair game and the mother-in-law is being a female dog by criticizing her on it.

But anyway, what I really want to comment on is the fact that this made me think about what Motoaki's mom must think about my manners and what my mom thought about Motoaki's manners.  One thing that was an absolute fact about my mother was that she was a lady.  I mean, she wasn't uptight- she would wear jeans and stuff and serve chili at holiday parties- but she definitely taught us etiquette. 

As I have made my way into the world I have often been a little shocked by others lack of manners and I always think about what my mom would say.  she could be a little unforgiving at times of others lack of upbringing and would comment on it years after the fact, having the offence forever etched in her mind.  One of her favorite movies was Serial Mom about a mother who kills other people who commit minor offences like not rewinding their tape before returning it to the video store or wearing white shoes after labor day. 

It could sometimes be impossible when it came to convincing my mother that things were different and it wasn't the end of the world if we changed a few rules.  Like how it wasn't the end of the world if I didn't wear hose with a skirt or if I went to prom without a date.  As a child it could be really annoying but as an adult I am glad that my mom raised us to be aware of what is acceptable behavior.  I have gotten comments on it at work or when I have been a guest with someone.  I think I get along well in Japan because I had that rigorous training.

With Motoaki's mom it is a whole other ball game because of the cultural difference and the language barrier.  After all, here you are supposed to slurp the soup.  Part of the problem is that she is fairly nice but very quiet.  I never know what she is really thinking and whether or not she approves.  Not that I need her approval, but I do want her to be proud (and more importantly, I do want to be able to teach my children what is acceptable in both cultures).  Like the time I wore the white shirt to her mother's memorial service.  Motoaki said it wasn't a big deal and that no one cared, but really?  If the roles had been reversed I think my own mother would have minded (and rightly so). 

I also worry about her thinking that I am spoiled.  Motoaki is the type that works too hard sometimes in making me happy and asks for nothing in return.  I sometimes wonder if I am asking for too much and he just doesn't say anything.  He is not a pushover but is extremely easy going and doesn't get worked up over things. 

For example, when looking for houses I expressed that my priorities were somewhere that a) had a yard, b) was close to a good school, and c) had an upstairs.  We found a house that has all three and yet when we took her to look at it, she seemed a little displeased.  Later I heard her mentioning that she thought that Motoaki's aunts house (which we were maybe going to buy but got tired of waiting for) was nice and a real fixer-upper.  But I said that I didn't like the school it is closest too.  The school is nice, but it is overcrowded and they have up to 40 kids in one classroom.  I worry that a child could easily get ignored, bullied, or left behind in that situation.  Especially considering that the child is going to be a mixed-culture child.  The house we looked at is near a school with only 100 kids in the whole building.  AKA plenty of attention from teachers and an "everybody plays with everybody for lack of options" feel to it.  But am I being too demanding?  Motoaki says we are fine money wise (we haven't touched the money we got from our wedding and we each save every month), but is it bad manners in Japan to get something you might not necessarily need?  After all, the four bedrooms will be great for kids and guests, but other families in Japan get by on two.  Motoaki's family got by on three but that was with two kids and grandma in the house.

It might be silly for me to think like this, but just as my mother came from a different generation where girls wore skirts and made hand-written invitations for even small parties, Motoaki's mom is also from another generation.  When she was a young woman she was in an arranged marriage (it is actually common among women her age) and I know that she had little choice as to where she lived or how the house was.  She moved in with her in-laws and no doubt had to do everything her mother-in-law told her.  Of course, times have changed and she has changed with them.  She understands that "kids do it differently these days."  But to her I must seem like a really BIG change from what she new.

I guess what I want to say that, as bad as the email from the mother-in-law was (and as bad as it might get- I would think the media storm might be an engagement breaker), it is nice to have it out in the open.  Not that I think Motoaki's mom would be so harsh on me.  But it might be nice if I knew what she was thinking and if I knew that any faux pas I was committing were something, "any five year old knows."

Melting

(June 30th)
So we haven't even reached the worst of summer yet and already I am melting in my seat.  The bright side of having a swollen blistered ankle this week is that I have allowed myself to wear capris.  I think technically we are allowed to wear them but I don't because I think I should wear hose with them (at least that is what my Japanese coworkers do).  But due to the ankle I have been wearing them with socks.  Looking like a nerd, but feeling comfortable.

A lot of people hate the rainy season that we are just coming out of, but I love it.  Kind of odd but I also prefer cheese over cake and Joey over Uncle Jesse.  I think it probably has to do with the fact that I am not very athletic and hate the idea of, "It's sunny- we should go outside!"  I would much rather read a book or go shopping.  I also hate feeling sweaty and sticky, and due to big thighs, I hate shorts and skirts.

But alas, summer is here and we are miserable at school.  In Japan there are no air conditioners in the classroom and no fans.  There is one in the teacher's office but they turn it on only when the kids leave (which is shortly before I leave).  Some of the elementary schools have fans, but not always.  The school is mostly made up of windows so we do get a breeze, but it isn't much.  Of course, I can't complain because I have a choice of what to wear.  The kids have to wear the uniforms and most of them wear their gym clothes under their regular uniform since the only place to change is in the classroom.  I feel a little bad for the boys as they wear long pants, but the girls face a similar suffering with their short skirts in winter, so they can't complain.

One thing they do get to do is swim.  At least on some days.  PE is separated by gender here so boys will go swimming one day while the girls play a sport, and the next day it will switch.  They can change in the pool house so they don't have to sit in wet suits all day.  But this actually causes a little bit of jealousy as the boys will come in from having been running on the track to see the girls drying their hair and discussing the refreshing, cool water.  Then the next day it is the boys who are dripping with cool water while the girls are dripping in sweat.  But I do tell them that they are lucky since in Stuart we didn't have a school pool (I leave out the whole bit about not having classes in June, July, or August).

However, none of us can really complain.  It could be worse.  I saw on the news yesterday how the Jr High in Fukushima is really suffering.  Due to the radiation being released/having been released from the plant that got hit by the Tsunami, they are not allowed to open any windows in the building and all PE must be kept inside.  The same goes for after school sports.  So rather than having 30 girls in the pool and 30 boys on the playground, they now have 60 kids in the hot gym, and more after school.  And, at least from what I could see on the news, they were all still in uniform and the teachers were in suits....

NOTE: there is the possibility that there are fans in the Fukushima school.  I watch the news in Japanese and don't follow 100% of everything.  But either way, it sucks for them.

Words for Wednesday: Paper Daughter

(June 28th)

Now that I am thinking of buying a house in Japan it is pretty much settled that I am, well, settled here.  Though that was the plan all along, things are slowly becoming more real.  Not only have I been looking at houses, but I have also been looking at schools near those houses.  And I have been looking at dogs.  Because what would a house be without a dog?  (especially a house with centipedes and who knows what else- we might have to get a cat too...)

Still, sometimes I think that eventually I will move back to the states for good.  Motoaki is 8 years older than me which means he would retire before me.  So in our moonlight years we could always move to the states and work at Walmart.

I also think that if the schools were to not work out for what we want for our kids (the schools here are not very adaptive to students with unique abilities or needs), it might cause us to consider moving to the states.

Thus, in having this as a part of my life and everyday thoughts, a novel like Paper Daughter is a great read for me.  I am not saying that it wouldn't be a great read for you, but just a forewarning that I might relate to it more.

(Can't really click to look inside- I just copied this image.)


In Paper Daughter: a Memoir by Elaine M. Mar we read about a Chinese girl who moved from Hong Kong to Denver in the early 1970s.  She went from living a poor yet charmed life to living a more modern and yet harsher reality.  Despite being able to have running water and a yard in America, she finds that she  has entered into the bottom of the American food chain.  The little English that she learned in Hong Kong turns out to be wrongly pronounced and the family that was once close in it's tight knit quarters becomes driven apart by its struggles at work and, for Elaine, at school.  Also reversed are the roles and ideas behind what it is to be a family.  Elaine's parents who speak no English rely on her to help with the translation of everyday tasks like shopping, Dr.s visits, writing checks.

Although her status and value are somewhat elevated at home, she becomes ridiculed at school for being foreign.  It is this part of the book that is hard for me to read as I realize that someday, despite their ability in English and knowledge of the west, my children might also be ridiculed by peers their same age.  Of course, the world is different now and my children will have the advantage of living with a native speaker.  But it is still sad to see what Elaine goes through and how she can't fit in either at home or at school.   At school she is still too Chinese despite learning to read and speak English fluently.  And due to her submersion into an American culture at school, she becomes too foreign at home.

Even if you don't care much about that the book is quite entertaining as Elaine and her family navigate the "new world."  it is funny to read some of the mix-ups they go through and also interesting to see America through their eyes.  At one point the mother gets angry because Elaine, though only five, was learning long division before leaving China. In America, her five year old classmates are still learning simple addition and devoting a lot of time still to coloring and singing.

I'm not sure if the book would be readily available in bookstores (the problem I have with buying most of my books at garage sales and second hand stores) but if you see it, it is a great read.  though being a memoir, it reads like fiction.  I remember being extremely caught up in one scene where Elaine almost kills herself only to laugh at myself, later, when I remembered that she wrote the thing (and thus couldn't have died).

BUGS!

(June 29th)
So I finished the Osaka story because all that was left was the club and it would have sounded similar to my time in Nagoya.  Although we did meet either the most talented dance I have seen in a while or the craziest.  Amy and I had a blast copying moves from him and teaching him moves.  And the weirdest part was that at one point he told Amy he was having fun but that he had to confess to us that he had a girlfriend.  I told him it was ok because I had a husband (and to be clear, we hadn't been grinding or touching or anything- it was all purely dancing), and he replied to that by going across the floor and bringing his girlfriend over to meet us.  Anywhere else (or anyone else) and a fight would have started.  I mean, can you imagine introducing your girlfriend to some girls you had been dancing with all night.  But she was extremely cool and just complimented us on our dancing. I LOVE JAPAN!

OK, so now that I have gushed about Japan, I can rant about it.  I HATE JAPAN and have been wondering this week if I can actually stick it out and live her long term.  Don't worry, I am only somewhat serious and I am sure my tune will change once my leg has healed.

What's wrong with my leg?  Well since it is summer and beautiful a few friends and I decided to go to the beach last weekend.  Funny thing about living in the mountains, the weather is always different on the other side.  As in where we live it was sunny, 30C, and calm.  However, on the hour and a half drive to the ocean we went through a tunnel through one of the mountains and ended up in fog and mist.  It wasn't any better at the beach.  But we are a strong lot (I'm from Iowa, another guy was from Ireland, and another was from Michigan) and decided to have a go at it anyway.  I had been really anxious to swim but the waves were huge.  We managed to get in the water a bit and have a nice beach picnic.  After about an hour or two, though, it started to pour and we had to make a mad dash to the car.

Because the beach we had been at hadn't had any shelter, we had gotten into the car wet and still in our suits.  We decided to stop at McDonald's for food and to change.  While I was getting clean in the bathroom I noticed some blood on my ankle.  I cleaned it off to see two small bug bites.  I have gotten these before and they are assumed to be from horse flies (or the Japanese equivalent).  You can tell the difference by the blood.  Now I have had these before and last time I had them they caused my ankle to swell, but last time i also had about eight bites on one leg so I was optimistic that these wouldn't be so bad.

On the way home, my bites were a little itchy, but nothing crazy.  I made sure not to scratch them and even applied a bit of tiger balm (anyone ever heard of this before- the rest of the group acted like it was the most common thing ever but it was new to me) that they were using on their own bites.

Got home tired and beat from the sun and fell asleep fairly quickly.

The next morning I awoke to find my ankle swollen.  Dang you JAPAN!!  But this had happened before so I didn't think much of it.  It didn't even hurt too bad so I spent the morning cleaning the apartment (Motoaki had gone to the beach to surf since he had worked the day before). I took a nap in the afternoon and my ankle hurt a bit when I woke up, but I figured it was partially from being raised and asleep and then standing on it while it "woke up."  I would have just sat back down but I had to meet Motoaki, his sister, and his mom to go look at a house.

We have been looking at houses for awhile and we think we have found one.  It has four bedrooms upstairs, two large room downstairs, a kitchen big enough for a table, two toilets, shower and bath, a small front room, a huge entryway, walk in closets, and a storage shed that runs the whole back length of the house.  It also has parking for tractors that we could use to park cars so that the actual car park (big enough for three or four) could be converted into a garden.  It is also along the river and has two rock gardens already created.  And it is near where we want to live and in our price range.  But still, being young, we wanted to ask what Motoaki's family thought.

They were impressed and saw a lot of potential in the place.  I was feeling good until I went to the bathroom and saw a five inch mukade (centipede) half way out of the drain.  It was dead but it was still creepy!!!  I made a comment and the realtor was quick to point out that you get them in all houses.  AND THIS IS TRUE...  But having to come face to face with it made me realize that it will be a part of my life.  (Of course, the house has been empty for about 2 years so once we live there we can set up sprays and what not to protect the house and lower the chances, but still).  This added to my swollen ankle, and I was beginning to realize Japan sucked.

And then it got worse.  That night we got some medicine at the local drug store for my bites.  I actually had another small one on my left leg as well that had started to blister so I avoided touching that.  I was pretty cranky about it all but Motoaki helped me by helping me to tie ice packs around my ankle and what not.

BUT then the next morning I woke to find that both legs had developed blisters over the bites and that my ankle was even bigger.  I got up to go shower but quickly became nauseous and dizzy.  Not to be a wuss, but I was a little worried about what this was so I called in sick and went to the hospital.  Motoaki had work so I had to go by myself but luckily this was pretty straightforward (it can be hard going to the Dr or dentist and having to describe the pain in my limited vocabulary- I was bale to get my point across by pointing at my ankle and telling the Dr to look).

He was a little nervous about what they were from as he didn't think that horse fly bites usually had such big blisters.  Since both of the balms I had rubbed on the bites were new to me, he thought there was a chance that I was allergic to something in them that had caused the reaction.  But since I didn't know what had bitten me, we couldn't be sure.  He prescribed some medicine and sent me on my way, telling me to come back if things didn't improve in the next two days.

It actually didn't hurt that bad and I had a fairly nice day at home watching TV and writing letters.  It was actually best for me to sit up and only standing still hurt- walking wasn't too bad.  But the blister got bigger and that worried me.  Motoaki came home and was surprised, but not really worried.  He figured I should just wait another day or too.  But that night as I tried to get into a position that wouldn't burst my blisters (pretty hard when i had one on each leg) I got really moany about how I would never be able to live in Japan with the heat and the bugs.  OH I can't wait to come back to America in August!

Pretty gross but not actually the worst of it...

Osaka Part Three: The BBQ

(June 21st)
So I have met Motoaki's cousins before (read about the time we had a semi-family reunion) and really get on with them.  They are around my age, are patient with my Japanese, and are extremely energetic and bubbly.  I am talking about his two girl cousins Nobuka and Rie.  Their parents are also great and make me feel at home despite being white and having the Japanese vocabulary of a 3 old (if even!).

But even so I was extremely nervous to go to their house on Saturday.  They had invited me to their BBQ awhile back and I had been extremely keen to go.  Of course, that was when I thought a billion people were going to be with me in Osaka.  Even when the group dwindled to four I was still excited.  When it dwindled to two (Matt and me) I was a little nervous but figured it was ok.  But when I realized at lunch that Matt hadn't seen his friend in a long time and would likely want to hang out with her, I got very nervous.

This might come as a big shock to a lot of people (even those who know me extremely well) but I am quite shy.  Mist people think that I am the farthest thing from shy, but in reality I only have a strong sense of comfort with myself.  Hmmm.... How to explain?  I am loud at parties not because I don't care what people think, but because I have a naturally loud voice.  I don't mind performing in public not because I am fearless, but because I love to sing and dance.  I will admit to not being shy with people I am destined to not meet again, and I am as equally not shy around kids because kids don't care.  But when it comes to going by myself somewhere where there will be people who I will meet again, I get shy.  ESPECIALLY when I don't speak the language.

BUT I had said that I would go to the BBQ and that is what I did.  And wouldn't you know I was fine.  A lot of that is due to, again, Motoaki's cousins being fantastic.  I made my way to the outskirts of Osaka and got off in what appeared to be the middle of nowhere (not a convenience store in sight to buy snacks or drinks for the party- luckily I did find a hole in the wall liquor shop so I could at least offer beer to my hosts).  This is rare as I was still near Osaka and this is Japan.

I called Motoaki's cousin Nobuka and she came over to get me by bike which then meant that she had to walk back on her bike.  I felt really bad but she didn't mind.  She asked right away, "Where are your friends?" and I was a little embarrassed to admit that I didn't have any...that had wanted to come.  But when I explained that they were all visiting other friends she understood.  We got to her house and, due to cloudy skies and a slight mist, went into the garage to BBQ.  When I say garage it is an understatement as Japan is short on space and houses are small.  The garage could maybe fit one car and that is only if was a VW Beetle or a Mini-Cooper.  But it was big enough for a grill, a small table, and about 20 Japanese people.

Nobuka's family was welcoming as always although they also wondered about the friends. 
As for the rest of the people at the BBQ, I was introduced to what basically amounted to a mini reunion for Nobuka's college friends.  A lot of women and one token guy who had brought his wife.  Two of the women also had their daughters with them, aging from 2-6.  I was surprised as sometimes little kids can be weary around me, but the girls approached me right away to ask if I could help protect them from the big dog.  As in the 8 month old yellow lab who was napping in the corner (apparently they had just been on a run and he had scared the girls with his playful energy).  I agreed to and we became fast friends.  In their rapid Japanese and wandering conversation, they barely realized that I wasn't a native speaker.  Again why I am not shy around kids.

Everyone took to me right away and no one made a big deal about me being foreign.  One of the women had studied English at University so she was quite good and her 2 year old could say some as well.  And the other girls were asked to speak the English that they had learned at preschool-kindergarten.  But for the most part conversation went on as normal ranging from just about anything.  At one point there was an inquiry into how the guy had proposed to his wife (I guess they just got married this past spring- beautiful photos as they had a traditional wedding in Kyoto, a traditional city) and the same question was posed to me (as another "newly-wed").  It felt good to be experiencing life as a Japanese would.  Even though I live here, it can be hard to be "normal" and to experience "normal" life.  Even people whom I have known for years will make a big deal about me being an outsider.

The food was great and I hid the fact that I had already eaten lunch well (so long diet).  It helps that a usual Japanese BBQ doesn't include hamburgers, chops, and steak but rather tiny strips of beef and vegetables like onions, green peppers, and pumpkin.  There were hot dogs, but little ones- almost like what we would call a smokie back home.  Funny those words in my English vocab that go unused.

As it always is with crazy Japanese weather, the sun came out and we were able to go to the little park (about the size of a normal American yard) across the street.  The little girls showed off dance routines and songs they had learned from school and we cheered them on as if it were a real concert.

I felt bad because it seemed like the party was going to go on all night and yet I needed to get going.  When someone made a suggestion of taking a group walk towards the station, I took that as my cue to head out.  Things had gone well but my Japanese ability was spent and I didn't want to be a burden.

One quick note on a cultural difference, Motoaki's uncle gave me a small envelope containing $50.  I thought it had something to do with my wedding or my mom's death (in Japan you give money on these occasions) but when I got home the next day Motoaki said that it was to pay for my traveling expenses.  I had seen this done before for big things (like when we went to the memorial service for the grandma or for when we went to a different friend's wedding), but I was shocked that I got it for going to a BBQ.  I was the one who should pay them.  I definitely have to get them some nice omiyage (souvenirs) next time I am stateside.

Anyway, I am glad that I was able to do that.  It kind of breaks the ice for the future when I might want to take my kids to visit or attend family functions even though Motoaki can't.

Osaka Part Two: Saturday Morning

(June 21st)
On Saturday my friend Matt and I, who I had met at training but whom I hadn't seen in about 2 and a half years, got up and hit the main street of Osaka to go to Starbucks.  Now that we have both lived in Japan for awhile we are over it and really just wanted some western goodness.  It was actually fun to not be rushed and to just catch up.  I was relieved it wasn't awkward.  I had invited Matt when I assumed that there would be a billion people coming up with me.  I was a little worried because he had yet to see any of my "friends" since both Amy and Justin were meeting other Japanese friends that day.  If he thought it was weird that it was just him and me, he didn't say it.

Matt moved to Izumo when we first came to Japan.  It isn't really far from me but far enough to have made visiting difficult.  Plus, the first few months after training everyone was poor so we couldn't go anywhere and then when we could, we had kind of lost touch.  Then he decided to leave our company and move to Mihara as a direct hire for the BOE (board of education).  In moving there he met an old coworker of mine who had recently moved from Tsuyama to Mihara.  I saw there pictures of each other on facebook and commented on it being a small world.  I then exchanged emails with Matt and told him about Osaka.  And voila!

It wasn't just us for long as we ended up meeting his Japanese friend whom he had studied with in America.  He hadn't seen her in about four years so it wasn't weird for me to tag along.  The girl turned out to be really cool and to have amazing English despite only having been in the US for 9 months.  She went to a private jr high and high school so I assumed that is where she learned the bulk of her English.

She took us to an okonomiyaki (Japanese pancake only not sweet- made with onion, egg, ham, cheese, cabbage, noodles, etc) that was supposed to be really famous.  There were a ton of people lined up and all of the workers were rushing around getting everyone served and out as quick as possible.  We sat down and when Matt and I struggled to read the menu (it had a lot of kanji) the lady brought out an English one.  Matt opened it up to find a small-for-Japan cockroach (about the size of my pinkie).  Really, looking back I have to marvel at how I have changed in Japan.  In the states I would have run out and would have spread the word about their being roaches in the restaurant.  The place would run the chance of being shut down.  But, in Japan it isn't a big deal.  This isn't the first time I have seen a cockroach in a restaurant in Japan.  Because Japan is a tropical country the bugs are everywhere and in everything and most people don't bat an eye.  They will apologize and kill it, but it won't ruin their business like it would in the states (I always remember the story of my mom and aunt eating at a McDonalds where a woman started screaming about a cockroach).  In all honesty I might have left (and I think Matt definitely would have left- he seemed pretty shocked) but we had waited so long and there were so many people (and we were the only non-Japanese).  It's just strange how your standards change in a different country.

Despite the drama the food was good (I know some might be sick at the thought- at least it was the Japanese kind of place where they cook it in front of you so you can see what goes in) and I enjoyed the conversation.

After lunch I let Matt go off with his friend and I got brave and headed to Motoaki's cousin's BBQ, all by myself.

Osaka Part One- Friday

(June 21st)
Last week due to the busiest schedule fathomable I didn't post anything and really didn't write anything.  But I feel like I can't let that week go so I am going to recap.  It might be a two parter... or four...

First off over the weekend I went to Osaka.  It was supposed to be an all out everyone in party weekend celebrating the first big paycheck for the new teachers, but due to a festival going on a lot of people backed out at the last minute and what would have been 30+ turned into 4.  It would have made sense to just reschedule the weekend but the 4 who went had made definite plans with Osaka friends that we couldn't change.  Fair enough to those who went to the festival- it was the firefly (lightning bug) festival and, unbeknownst to me before coming to Japan, lightning bugs aren't found in many places.  Even in Japan they are hard to locate and they only stick around for about a week or two.  Yet another thing I might be depriving my future children of by raising them her instead of Iowa.  Snow days, summer vacation, fireflies...

But enough of those people and back to me.  We got a late start on Friday the 10th up to Osaka.  I didn't complain because the ride was free.  Our friend Rena who is from Thailand and who went with me to Nagoya has decided to go home for an unspecified amount of time- maybe for good- and she was flying out at midnight from Kansai.  Her boyfriend Mike was driving her and they graciously offered Amy (the only other local who was still up for Osaka) and I a ride.  Added to that was Chie who was going to go to the festival but wanted to say good-bye to Rena. 

As it always is with this group, the ride was spent on the latest gossip and word from home.  Mike is from Michigan and, though that is hours from Iowa, is the closest thing I have to "someone from home."  It really isn't even about the space.  Mike just acts like the guys I went to school with or my cousins.  He is also a little bit older and thus fairly mature.  I feel like we are in similar stages of life in that we are willing to stay in to save money or don't mind choosing our significant others over the group.  Or even ourselves over the group.

After making it through the hustle and bustle that is Osaka we got to Kansai with about 2 hours to spare.  Rena checked in and then we went to the only restaurant open for burgers and fries.  I felt a little guilty being with Mike and Rena since this was their good-bye, but they seemed cool.  And who knows, it might have helped to have us around.  I remember saying good-bye to Motoaki there when I went "home" home and it was awful.  And of course this wasn't quite a real good-bye.  Rena will have to come back at some point to collect things and to finish up her work.  Also, we are all fairly certain that Mike will follow to Thailand once they have more of a plan set-up as to what they each will do for work.  Still, it was sad to see them say good-bye and I felt intrusive.

After Rena headed out we realized that it was too late for Amy and I to catch the train into downtown Osaka where we would be staying so Mike, being the saint that he is, agreed to drive us in.  Now technically he had to drive back through Osaka anyway but there is a toll-way/high-way that allows you to drive "above and around" the city and miss-out on any traffic lights.  It was extremely nice of him since we were going to go to one of the busiest areas of Osaka (that none of us had ever driven too) and since it was pissing down rain (we are in the middle of rainy season).

But he did it and we managed to avoid several collisions barely.  When we finally got to the general area of where we needed to be Amy and I asked to be let out because we were feeling guilty enough that we had made Mike go the extra few miles and because it was already 1am.  We said good-bye, threw money in the backseat, and dashed from the car to a shop entrance that had an overhead allowing escape from the rain.  Amy was going to be staying with a friend and I was going to be in a capsule hotel.  She had offered to let me stay with her but two of my other friends had come into town and were at the capsule hotel and I didn't want to abandon them (they didn't know each other).  We had both stayed in the area several times and were fairly certain that we knew how to get where we needed to go.  So we said お休みなさい and split up.

I ended up walking for about another hour lost but too shy to ask for help.  Part of that was because I was in the party district.  While I was in jean capris and a t-shirt and carrying a duffel bag, everyone else was in heels, mini skirts, wigs (yes, Japanese people go all out when they go out) and carrying clutches.  No doubt actual Louis Vuitton clutches.  Not to mention I had blonde hair, green eyes, and fat legs.  Of course, I should have just asked because despite it being big, Osaka is a pretty nice town and Japanese people are usually more than helpful.  But I wanted to do it on my own.  And I eventually made it.  And in a twist of luck my friend who I haven't seen since training in 2009 but with whom I have recently made facebook contact with, was in the lobby.  I apologized for being so late but he was very cool about it.  Unfortunately, I was beat so I quickly made a plan for the morning and crawled downstairs to my capsule.

Words for Wednesday: The Girls From Ames

(June 15)

I finished Freedom and though the ending seemed abrupt, I reccomend it.

I started to move to a book about some children in India but realized I was tired from the massive-ness of Freedom and from a weekend dancing, so I switched to the lighter read, The Girls from Ames.

Now I will start by saying two things.  One, I started this book on Tuesday and will probably finish it by Friday despite working two jobs and being social.  So I am enjoying it.  Two, despite being a good read, it is not what I expected at all and I am a little disappointed.

When I first got this book I assumed there would be a lot about growing up in Ames and a lot of, "Oh I know about that," due to the fact that I am from Iowa where Ames is.  I also imagined the book to be more about crazy adventures- like the Ya-Ya Sisterhood.

However, this book seems to be more about the women's personal experiences and then how the group reacts to those experiences, rather than experiences as a whole.  Part of that is due to the fact that the book is about 11 different woman and there is just not the room or time to go in-depth about them all.  Also, the women lived in the same city in high school and then moved away to go to different colleges and have different lives.  So we get a lot of, This happened to so and so and then everyone called/emailed/ though about it...  While the book has plenty of interesting stuff in it (I will admit to not being able to put it down), I feel like we aren't getting the whole picture.  I am well over half-way through it and yet I keep waiting for it to "start."   I struggle to place each name with each personality.  Every time a name is mentioned I find myself returning to the opening page that contains a list of pictures and main facts about each girl.  I guess what I am trying to say is that I think the book would be better if it had focused on just a few girls, rather than a whole clique/army of them.  Of course part of the books selling point is about how unusual it is today to find 11 women who are still friends.  Most people only keep in touch with one or two, but these women have managed to keep up with all of each other.

Another thing is that the book is un-even.  We get extremely in-depth coverage on some girls (what their parents did for a living, what their house looked like, etc) and then others are just merely side parts.  I assume the author got more from some so he used more from some, but it feels like we are missing out.

I also feel that it would be more interesting if there were less "facts" and "statistics" thrown in.  For example...

           "In recent years,  women's health proponents have signaled out women like Marilyn as frontline soldiers in the battle against depression.  Though 70 percent of women in a 2004 nationwide survey said they felt, "depressed, stressed, anxious or sad," in the previous twelve months, only 27 percent of them talked to their doctors about this.  So who do most of them talk to?  Their girlfriends."

That is great and all, but I would rather just read straight up about the experiences these women share and then from my own opinions about why theirs is a bond that has lasted so long. I guess in starting this book I assumed it would a memoir, not a study.  It was written by a Wall Street Journal columnist.

All that aside, it is actually a good book and I recommend it.  It definitely makes you think and contemplate your own friendships and what you do in life to maintain those bonds.  And the parts that do describe being a kid in the early sixties in Iowa are fascinating.  However, I kind of have the urge to write my own book, "The Other Girls from Ames," and focus on my mom and her college roommate, Anne.  Instead of critically looking into why they were friends, I would just write about all of the things they did, experienced, shared as friends.  I think it would be more entertaining and just as useful...